Do I carry on keeping track of what hubby is drinking each day?

[mumof3girls]

I stopped counting what hubby was drinking years ago, as it just used to upset me. However since the week before he saw the liver specialist, I started keeping a record, so that we could tell the specialist. I have now been keeping a daily record for almost a month.

Hubby had a bad weekend. He seemed to get back on track the last two days. But today I went to a funeral, when I got home he was drinking cider already.

So the question is do I need to keep a record of his drinking or not? If he is going to start drinking more again, then I think I would rather not know?

What do you think?

[Richard-Allen]

Does your husband still want to drink? I thought you guys were going to get him into a detox/rehab centre. The home detox failed to work. Your husband's addiction is killing him. This is so unfair on both you and the girls. I think the time has come to either get him into detox or walk away. You have to consider what is best for the girls as well. This certainly isn't helping them.

It's time for some serious decisions making now.

[mumof3girls in reply to Richard-Allen]

Does he still want to drink? That is a good question and I really dont know the answer. Some days he does and some days he doesn't.

He does not want to go to a detox centre and I cannot force him. The alcohol addiction charity have said that he has to show he can cut down before they would send him to detox. I dont think we can afford to pay for him to go to a private detox centre.

I dont think that myself or my daughters are ready to leave him. He is trying to cut down, so we feel that we need to support him. However if he goes back to drinking heavily again, then we may change our minds.

[MLB_77 in reply to mumof3girls]

Personally, I would not be recording it. You have other things on your plate to deal with . A friend of mine said a quote to me years ago that I use in many many situations. “You cannot care more than them” .

I would just answer with “still drinking” and let all the tests speak for themselves.

[MarthaRock in reply to Richard-Allen]

Its NOT their descision, its his?

[Hidden]

Hi Lisa. No l wouldn't bother any more. He's a grown man and needs to take responsibility for his own actions. I would put an A4 size pad pf paper and pen next to his cans of cider and remind him to write down what he has himself. One less thing for you to have to deal with. Good luck

Laura x

[Cat-B]

I say stop, it’s up to him rather than you, concentrate on your own well-being, he needs to take ownership of his drinking, I know I sound harsh but I had years of “ friends helping me ( including buying the booze so they could record what I had! As you can imagine that didn’t help especially as still went shopping! It made my friend feel better. Take care of you and stay safe

[mumof3girls]

Thank you. I am not recording it anymore.

[Dogbot]

Hi Lisa I had to ask my wife about this and we sat down and had a talk about it we think whether it be wrong or right you should keep a record on the fridge door or somewhere that is open for him to see but don’t talk about it with him unless he wants to, the reason is as I was the drinker I kept secret drinks and I know this will be upsetting for you but my thing was going into the garage and tipping one down my neck or going round the little shop and downing one on the walk home just saying a couple of things I used to do, but if you don’t make a fuss over it just openly keep a record something might hit home to hubby and you have a rough record of what he might be drinking. All of this really makes me think about what I put my family through especially the wife as we can talk openly about it now without me flying off the handle, it is upsetting for me but I think therapeutic for me. I really feel for you and your family it must be maddening and frustrating all my and the wife’s thoughts are with you good luck 🤞.

[mumof3girls]

I had already put a sheet of paper on the fridge door from when hubby first spoke to the counsellor about his plan to cut down. However hubby fills it in in the morning and often does not remember exactly what he had drunk the day before, so it is not accurate. I have suggested that he fills it in each time he takes a can out of the fridge, but he does not want to do that. There is nothing more that I can do.

[Dogbot in reply to mumof3girls]

That’s ok don’t make a fuss but maybe talk again about the doctors needing a accurate count and try the mark the can when you have one, I do understand he will probably make a fuss over it and it is difficult good luck.

Stay Safe All

Dogbot 🐶🌈

[Hidden in reply to mumof3girls]

Hubby doesn't want to do anything, admit to anything or commit to anything does he? I'd leave him to it. The less you do for him now the more likely he is to make some sort of decision about how he wants to live/exist. If he decides to continue drinking in this manner, one day you will find him on the floor then you can call 999 without him being able to refuse and will be detoxed in hospital 🤷🏻‍♀️

[051103]

I really wouldn't. Policing his drinking is most likely to result in him drinking secretly more often. Also I don't see much value in you keeping a record - it should be him who is motivated to do this and if he's not then he's just not ready to address his problem.

[051103 in reply to 051103]

One of the hardest things I had to accept while my partner was drinking was that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it and that I couldn't help him. It took me a long time to learn that! He is a massive alcoholic and was drinking from dawn till dusk for years. He ended up having to drink to stave off withdrawals and was trapped. He ended up in hospital with jaundice and was diagnosed with Decompensated Liver Disease. He nearly died (he's only 40). He was detoxed and hasn't drunk a drop of alcohol since. It took that experience to wake him up. A year on and he's still really ill - but slowly slowly improving. Nothing I could have done would have prevented this course of events. It is SO hard watching the person you love killing themselves - but if you choose to stick by them that is what you have to do. Once he gets to rock bottom there's a chance he may change. Hard words - but that has been my experience.

[Roy1955]

Theres no point!My wife limited me to 6 pints a day.

What she did not know was that each time I ordered a pint I put a double vodka in it.

I am 4 years sober now and glad to be alive.