Hi, 34 year old male here, I've been browsing this site for a few days now and from all the different experiences I've read I'm pretty sure I have decompensated liver, except there is a lot more to it than that. Let me start at the beginning.
In late 2014 I spiraled into a deep depression after breaking up with a woman I thought was my soul mate. I've had a pretty rough life in general and this event sent me over the edge. I became suicidal and pretty much didn't care about anything anymore. Then in 2015 I contracted what I now believe was a UTI. I say believe because I never went to get checked due to the depression. A few years later I gradually started to come out of my depression on my own but it never fully went away. I've always kept a lot of things to myself so to other people I seemed fine. But now that my depression was going away I started to worry about the damage the UTI might have done. except I didn't have health insurance and I was now scared that it might have not just been a UTI, so now my emotions were flip floping back and forth from wanting to better my health to not caring cause I'm gonna die anyway.
At this point I guess I should give some background info to my general health at the time. While I wouldn't classify myself as an alcoholic, I've gone through various bouts of binge drinking before contracting the UTI, and still drank occasionally afterwards. The general burning sensation associated with the UTI went away after a few weeks, but then I noticed an increase in my need to urinate, which would fluctuate over time. My legs did seem to gain weight, but it wasn't disproportional to the rest of my body so I didn't think too much about it. This is also very embarrassing to admit, but I did go to the hospital in 2018 for an ear infection. I know, why go for that but not for everything else? Because at that point I was afraid that the diagnosis would be that it wasn't just a UTI, and I didn't know how to deal with it being something worse.
Now is when things get critical. I had actually been working up the courage since 2018 to get checked out, and I told myself in January that I definitely would this year, no questions asked. Then this whole Coronavirus situation happened. I work (or worked at this point) as a pot washer at a University dining hall. A few days before we went into lockdown in march, I got a mysterious burn while washing dishes. I cleaned it out at work to the best of my ability with the available first aid, but it took quite a while to heal, and even now I can faintly see it. I know I should have gone to the hospital, but a mix of depression and fear due to how bleak the media painted this whole covid situation kept me from going. Worst of all is that I didn't tell anyone. Then one morning I woke up with Jaundice and I could barely open my eyes. I was incredibly scared, I didn't want to go to the hospital so I just kept quiet about it. Then I started getting symptoms like itchy all over, weight loss (which I didn't notice at first, a roommate actually told me) Fatigue, I'd start sweating profusely at random, and I started to feel like I was always cold. I also lost my appetite somewhat and my sense of taste diminished a bit. All of this was(and is) extremely worrying but instead of getting advice about it I was just so afraid of catching covid that I just kept it to myself.
Then in August things started to get a little worse, I started experiencing intense abdominal and back pain for a few days which eventually went away but my stomach still slightly hurts from time to time. also, I've noticed that my B.O. has become somewhat stronger. But there are a few things that confuse me about all this. From all the experiences and information I've read about decompensated liver, most people with it find it pretty debilitating. I still do plenty of things with only very slight discomfort. I'm not winded when climbing stairs, I can do work around the house relatively fine and I can walk 100 blocks without having to stop. I can also lift about 30 pounds comfortably for about 10 minutes. I've been on a paleo diet and have been supplementing with Vit C & D so I think maybe that contributed, but I don't know how much nutrition is actually being absorbed because I often make very large bowels movements the next day, which varies in color from pale/brown/green. I've also gone some days without eating at all. I don't have a scale so I haven't weighed myself, but if I had to guess I'd say I'm about 140-150 Lbs right now, down from about 225.
I really want to get checked but I don't have insurance and I'm so scared of what my family and friends reaction is going to be when they find out. my mother is 65 and is starting to go through quite a few health problems so this stress would be murder on her. for these past few months I've been pretty much just preparing myself for the worst but I still want to live. I feel like utter crap because so many people around me are going to be extremely hurt and disappointed. The embarrassment of all this is just utter hell and it's taking all my willpower just to post this. But what I've come to realize is that the first step in getting help is being honest about your situation. Everything seems very dire right now, but a part of me wants to believe so badly that it's not too late.
Feeling depressed worrying about liver pain and fatigue
Didn't know whether to laugh 😂 or cry 😢.......
Don’t know where I’m going, I’m lost!!
Another update! 
