Bertha

[Brett11]

Hi strangers and new people.

As a prelude,

Bertha was the name that I gave my huge (as in oh my gosh, that’s bloody huge) umbilical hernia. I also gave her a personality. I post with humour to make people have a giggle but there is truth to my posts.

Anyway.....

Bertha drugged me one night before her eviction and, well, it seems that I had unpleasant sex with her. So now I’m pregnant with a ever growing baby Bertha.

Mummy Bertha didn’t leave a forwarding address so I can’t find her to give baby Bertha back.

I only had the Bertha operation last October. So now it looks like another operation at some stage this year.

On a positive note,

My liver is doing great. My MELD is now 7. I still have cirrhosis though 😂

So how many dramas have I missed? Who isn’t talking to who??

Don’t answer that yet, I’m just making some popcorn 😂

Love,

Brett

[Hidden]

The population of Australia is estimated to be 25,602,600 as of 1 February 2020, + [1] Baby Bertha. 🤔

[ThreeSmiles]

Oh dear Bob I thought no posts meant no news as in no bad news but you were just watching and waiting weren’t you 😕👎.

Was the original fix - the current one - made with a sheath?

Hope you don’t have to wait years for the fix this time.

I have two of Bertha’s cousins - miss umbilical and master incisional - they are just over a year old now 😑 - op scheduled for second week in March providing I pass the next round of heart tests in two weeks 🙂👍.

Good luck, and look forward to more posts and more proper 😀 humour from now on Bob. Except of course when showing us your more serious side .....

Miles

[Hidden in reply to ThreeSmiles]

Hiya cousin

Meet 'Missy' 👩‍🦲umbilical.....🤣

[Laura009]

Great to see you back Brett. Best of luck with the baby Bertha birth... do you have a due date? !

Love Laura x

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Laura009]

Lol!! Bet it’s late already! 😑

[ballie52 in reply to ThreeSmiles]

😂😂😂

[ballie52]

Awww what a shame you couldn't get an abortion 😂😂

My husband looks like he's pregnant with big daddy!😂😂😂 the wrestling champ from the 70s😂😂😂 this is his 4th pregnancy..

He managed to terminate the other 3 just before the cut off date!😂

On a more serious note Brett that's not good at all..these hernias seem to be difficult to repair and don't have a high success rate!

The same thing happened to my husband after his transplants..he is waiting to go for a 4th repair in about 2wks ..this time it's not mesh they will use it will be human fascia as his other repairs with mesh were unsuccessful.

This is actually considered a transplant as it's human donor tissue they will use to cover the non existent muscle that was damaged during his 3 liver transplants and multiple surgeries.

I'm hoping this will work as he doesn't have any other options left.

Did they fit you with another belt to help with this new development?..if so wear it at all times!

And absolutely don't attempt to lift any kind of weight at all Brett!

What can you do!!.... suppose it's a small but uncomfortable price to pay for a chance to get on and live a relatively healthy life.

[alfredthegreat]

Hi Brett,

Good to hear from you.

Sorry to hear that you have been lumbered with baby Bertha. Looking on the bright side, it was great news when you got rid of big Mamma because if I remember correctly the decision to evict her was in the balance for a while?

Hopefully baby Bertha will give you a lot less trouble.

Brilliant news about your MELD score

We are all getting along nicely thanks, not a punch up in sight

Keep on posting.

Alf.

[Brett11 in reply to alfredthegreat]

I think they used all the mesh in Australia on Bertha 😂

So far the mesh is holding out but the baby Bertha popped out over the top of the mesh.

[alfredthegreat in reply to Brett11]

They sure are one determined family!

The next op will hopefully evict them completely

[Hidden in reply to alfredthegreat]

I'm

right

behind you

So you better (uh)

Watch your back 😜👍

[alfredthegreat in reply to Hidden]

or your front

[Hidden in reply to alfredthegreat]

While babies often flip from front to back first, doing it the other way is perfectly normal, too.

Back to front and upside down, down under. 🙄

[Yuiop]

Hi Brett,

Please book in for a c section as childbirth can be a bit distressing for you, especially as your male!

Hang on in there!

[Brett11 in reply to Yuiop]

I’ll be famous 😂 😂

[Yuiop in reply to Brett11]

Haha, you’ll be a bit more than famous!

[Thistle09]

So sorry to hear that, Brett. As always, I am happy to hear that you are maintaining your indestructible sense of humor! It's the only thing that keeps me hanging on through many unpleasant surprises. I guess that's life... Big hugs to you! You are a special person indeed.

[Brett11 in reply to Thistle09]

Awww!!

Now you have made an old laydee blush 😂

[Brett11 in reply to Thistle09]

How have you been keeping stranger?

[jacobsmum24]

You really should have taken better precautions. There is even a Male contraceptive pill these days ! I have no babies to report but was told last week I have a good collection of Stones in my gall bladder. I think there is Jagger, Keith Richards and Bill Wyman in residence but may be more plus some backing singers.

[Hidden in reply to jacobsmum24]

Ha ha. I imagine that you prefer the stones to some beetles though. A good-bye tour either way seems appropriate.

[Brett11 in reply to jacobsmum24]

Keith Richards and Mick Jagger went to school in my town of Dartford.

That’s my claim to fame 😂

I wonder why they are still alive with the amount of booze and drugs they have had over the years 😂

[Thistle09 in reply to Brett11]

MONEY, HONEY!!!

[Wass71]

Brett, whilst I'm very sorry to hear of more mischief from the Bertha family, I'm delighted to hear that you are otherwise well.

We miss you when you're not here to brighten our worlds with your aussie sunshine and wit. I have been known to cry laughing at one or two of your jokes!!

I'm still waiting for my call, had 3 false starts, but I'm remaining hopeful the right one will come along. If your liver keeps on doing so well I could have a bit of yours!!!!! What blood group are you?? I'll pop over and collect it if you are a B??

Hope that rascally baby Bertha doesn't cause you any pain or trouble.

X Wass x

[Brett11 in reply to Wass71]

I

Think I can give you the last sliver of my liver that isn’t irreversibly scarred if you like? 😂

[Wass71 in reply to Brett11]

If you're down to a sliver of liver I think it's best you hold onto it!!! I suppose touting for a liver from one of us lot is a bit dumb, I need to try one of the fitness forums. All the gym bunnies should have super healthy livers!!!

I was just looking for an excuse to come to Oz. I hope you haven't been affected by fires where you are. X

[Brett11 in reply to Wass71]

The gym bunnies probably have worse livers than ours with all that testosterone 😂

I’m lucky, we live in the tropics. The pointy bit on the map of Australia. We get a lot of rain.

[Hidden]

Hi

Lovely to hear from you but what a pain Baby Bertha is. Hope she behaves herself!! Take care e

[davianne]

Hi Brett, Great to see you and your Aussie humour back 😁👍

I'm so sorry that Bertha left you a parting gift😢😢😢

But I had a thought. What about setting up crowdfunding with the slogan

"Bung a bob for the Big Bertha Baby"

I can't claim credit for it though....Blame Boris🤣🤣🤣

David

[Hidden]

Hiya Brett

My goodness I've missed ya SOH so welcome back !

I too have a wee cousin aged around 3 who's yet to be named ....... lol

Nighty nite

Loads of love Trishy xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Big Ben? Bertha's taken.

[Brett11 in reply to Hidden]

I copyrighted Big Bertha long before World War One 😂

[Hidden in reply to Brett11]

You've done well for your age!

[alfredthegreat in reply to Hidden]

Yes he has, but to be fair there were two of him

[Hidden]

Lovely to hear from you long may your fabulous sense of humour continue. Xxx

Jaycee