Morning, Well as i have said in my other posts, hubbys been a drinker for a very long time. and his health has been up and down worse the last few years, i call him robot because hes been on deaths door and still risen above it all. Hes never been diagnosed verbally by the dr as having cirrhosis just a fatty liver about 3/4 years ago...But he is showing all the signs of it..
Three weeks ago give or take a few days, he was very ill with his stomach and last week he had such terrible pains in his chest,(i had said about it in the last post i done). Which amounted to nothing.
This past week hes been worse pain with his stomach than hes ever had,mostly on his left side. Its caused him to be sick a few times. Yesterday was weired as i was talking to him he would say ill get up in a min and fall asleep half way through saying in a min. He would then sleep until i would go use the bathroom , i would look in and check on him and again he would repeat ill get up in a min and fall asleep. He did eventually come down stairs at 7 last night,drank a few mouthfuls of milk over 2 hours and said i cant stay up my stomach is killing me and im shattered. As far as im aware he slept all night and is still sleeping.
He will not go to the drs,(he says that he knows his body is bad so dont need a dr to tell him ,besides they tell me my liver is ok ,my kidneys are good and my chest apart from the right lung is fine.his words,,He just sees it as waisting the drs time and he could be seeing a more important patient.. Hes scared and its his way of dealing with it.
Everyone is wondering how he is still alive ,hench the robot name.
I tell you whats the hardest part for me personally, its not the watching his detieroate, its not the cleaning up, the worry of finding him dead ,yes they are all very hard im not saying it isnt, but whats the hardest for me is , i had an operation on my leg on thurs morning and was home by thurs evening. I couldnt rely on hubby to do things for me because he is so ill himself and sleeps alot that i had to struggle to do things for me. I am so greatful that i can come in here and talk (type) to you guys who know what im going through. I had one supposed friend who we would be there for each other and its all gone one sided with her, I rang her to let her know i was having the op and she went on and on about how people have hurt her etc,,and said ill ring you when you have had the op ,she didnt ring so i rang to let her know how the op went and she said thats good and went on and on about her mum and how she hurt her again and said , ill ring you tommorow ,not heard anything from her.So guess she is off my christmas list.Im saying that because im on the verge of crying.
Thank you all for listening.
Hugs to those going through a tough time/..love always..
Written by
lyn3
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11 Replies
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Good morning lyn3,
I am so sorry to hear you are having such a horrible time, I am glad you can come on this forum and reach out and receive the support you need for our lovely forum members.
Our helpline is available Mon-Fri 10am to 14.45pm on 0800 652 7330 if you wish to speak with one of the nurses.
I would reiterate the need to ask for medical help with your husband.
Also, you need to take care of yourself so it may be worth getting a GP appt for yourself and chatting through things with your own doctor ?
Thank you for the advice ,help and number,, i may ring one day...He wont see anyone, i have been out shopping and came back to him being in pain with his stomach,asked if he needed anything he said no i just want to sleep, i suggested getting someone out to see him and he said no ill be ok as long as im sleeping. I cant force him to see someone if he doesnt want to. Oh and while i was looking through papers this morning i came across the paper the dr had given hubby and on 02/01/2018...Cirrhosis and chronic liver disease. Thats where hubby confronted the dr on it and he said that his liver is fine and that the consultant was just making enquiry , but surely it would state quirying (sorry for spelling).
Thank you cats.. Yeah i have deleted her number now, im done with her, i got to much to deal with without having her telling me all her problems, i love being there for people who really need help but when its one sided its not fair.
You are all a gem and i really do appreciate your love and care..
I hope you feel better each day. Being the care giver is so difficult. Sorry your friendship has become one sided. People on this site do care about each other so just know that you have friends here.
That sounds an unpleasant situation for you to be in ☹️👎🏻. Have you tried 111 online - it/they may say ring 999. Then when you ring 999 you can say that the 111 system has recommended you ring them. That helps smooth the way no end. If you can get your husband into Hospital they’ll do the right things.
Hi Lyn, please take Angus' advice. I feel like if you had a friend standing there with you they would have looked in your eyes and told you the same thing. You do not have to do this alone. Please reach out for help Lyn. Much love to both of you. X
Unfortunatly they can not force him to go into the hospital, and i wont waist the hospitals time when if they did eventually convince him to go in then they would put him on a drip and the moment he realises he might be in a few days he signs himself out, thats more stressful to me than if he didnt go in. I then have a go at him for taking up the hospitals time when he dont want help and then im blamed for it for making him go in.So its easier for me to deal with him home,he sleeps alot when he is home anyway.
He got up yesterday in the afternoon and took painkillers, had some lunch and took more pain killers, he said he wants to go back to bed but will fight it because his words, i cant stay in bed rest of my life. He managed to cook himself some beans and sausage rolls took two small mouth fulls and said i really fancied that but i cant eat it. And continued drinking and smoking all night. Not sure what time he went to bed, but i went up just after midnight and he was stil up then. He will proberly tell me later he fell asleep on the sofa.
He did seem to be a bit brighter yesterday but he does every so often. I asked him where it hurts yesterday and he said my right side here as he touched it he jumped and said that really hurts, and then touched his left side and that hurt him but not as much.
He hasnt said but i think hes now realised how bad his liver is, he doesnt need a dr to tell him, we all know our own bodies. So think now going to take one day at a time.
For the first time in a long time last night we had a good old laugh. Laughed as in tears rolling down our faces and not being able to breath properly, was like the good old days. Ive had people asking me how i put up with him they dont know, i would have left him a long time ago they say, well i say, when i said for better or worse,in sickness and in health.
I meant it. i didnt take my vows lightly. The man i married is still in there, its that demon of a drink that changes a man/woman. So i choose to blame that demon and not him because hes been an amazing husband. My first husband cheated on me for 7 years before i left him.Hubby doesnt even look at another woman.And hes always complimented me. Protected me when he was well. So im with him till the very end.
Hope you and everyones week will be a good one and those who had a hard week last week ,i hope this week is better for you.
Hi Angus,, he has done it so many times i have lost count. Each time he has gone in by ambulance because he is so ill and between a couple of hours and over night stay has signed himself out every time. He went in one time with a bad chest infection ,he signed himself out the next day still in pain and was horrible to every person he walked passed because he couldnt get out of the hospital quick enough.
Hi Lyn. You're not going to like what I have to say, but I can't not say it in good conscience. In your own words, it is easier and less stressful for you if your husband uses alcohol and painkillers than to insist he needs professional help, 'cause it's the path of least resistance. Alcoholics are master manipulators. You have unwittingly become a part of the problem and must seek help for yourself, for your own sake, if not his. Please, please for pity's sake call Al-anon and get yourself help for spouse's and caregivers. They will help you gain a better understanding of the issues and support you in making better decisions for the both of you. Best of luck to you both.
It is easier and less stressful if i dont force him to go into the hospital, do you know what its like to have to ring the ambulance for the ambulance staff to come out and treat you like oh here we go again, i have heard the crew before now say on the radio as they waited for me to struggle out the door with his bags and helping him walk out the door and lock it at the same time ,oh yeah its (say his name) again, i dont know why we bother he will be signing himself out again,, You have any idea how upsetting it is to hear that, to have a dr say to hubby why is she (pointing to me) waisting our time ringing us when you cleary dont want any help, do you have any idea what its like to have to appologise to nurses,staff for hubbys attitude when hes realised hes been convinced to go to hospital. Do you know what its like to have no sleep because hubbys aggitated because hes had no drink so he self medicates with enough valium to knock a horse out but because his body is used to them he is still going strong until he gets to the shop at 7,30 am to get his booze. Hubby does NOT want help, he does NOT want to give up drink (hes cut down loads) but hes given up many a time and each time says whats the point my life is hell without drink, and i say to him every time,till im blue in the face, the point is you stay alive ,the point is you should do it for me and those that care and love you,the point is you need to live, you need to fight this , you need to do this for you if no one else.Hes said you have no idea what its like? ive said so help me to understand, i know how hard it is to have an addiction and i have fought it and come out the other end and i get off him,your addiction was different to mine, I have left him thinking that would help, hes drank more, his freinds have threatened to never speak to him again, his friends have pleaded with him saying they dont want to bury another friend. So what would you suggest i do? tie him up and lock him in a room and hand feed him? You can lead a thirsty donkey to the water but unless he wants to get there he wont drink it. You know why we had such a laugh for the first time in a very long time? because i stopped nagging, because i was exausted because i wanted to forget what it was like to have to worry,to have to nag, to have to get upset ,to remember the good times we had, so you will excuse me if i enjoyed that time and in thinking if he wont give it up, if he wont listen then i dont want the last (how ever long he lives for) memories of us fighting and arguing. I had a friend of mine who was an alcoholic and is now tea total talk to him and show him there is life without booze ,not only did he say to her you havent been drinking as long he has but how dare i share it with my friend about his drinking.
Maybe i should stop posting updates on hubby and leave the forum because im obviously part of his problem and so dont have the right to get things of my chest and share up dates. And yes i am upset,angry and in tears right now because i have tried everything i can to help hubby quit..
Hey Lyn, you have every right to post and get things off your chest.
You said it yourself, you can't help hubby quit because he doesn't want to quit!
It will truly help you to contact Al-anon for yourself (I'm in America and looked it up, they are in Wales and meet at churches mostly) because they WILL know exactly what it's like. You have realized it is better not to bother arguing when he is not sober, that is huge, and I do know what that is like my friend, it's a massive relief. You are part of the problem because you love him, and you need practical help in real life, as well as our sympathetic ears. Use that anger Lyn, you are worth fighting for. They will know what everything is like and will help you see what you can and can't do.
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So annoyed.
