Hi , back story is my husband has drunk spirits regularly for years before we met 15 years ago over our time together he slowed down to a couple of beers a night or so I thought. Over this time I have found the odd empty bottle of whiskey hidden away. Back to the present day he drinks 2 glasses of wine at night but as I am checking on him I still find half bottles hidden away I have tackled him and he said it’s just a one off . He has diabetes and has regular blood tests a few months ago he said one of his blood tests came back f4 and the nurse said she was not sure what it meant . I looked it up and told him what it said. We then had a letter asking him to go to the hospital for a liver scan he refused to go . We were then sent a second letter with another appointment which he refused to go saying when he has his bloods taken each month the results come back all ok , but they are for his diabetes would that show anything about his liver? I really do t know what to do for the best I moan at him to go and he just gets mad about it . I can see he is loosing weight but has a very large stomach. He still works but is complaining he is tired this morning he had a bad nose bleed for no reason has bad cramps at night in his legs . He is not showing signs of being yellow . Sorry to ramble on just getting it all out. X
My husband is refusing to go to hospit... - British Liver Trust
My husband is refusing to go to hospital appointment
im sorry but he needs to go to hospital. Those symptoms can all be signs of serious liver problems. I dont want to scare you but the swelling in the stomach is probably ascites. I had all those symptoms last year and was admitted to hospital where I spent 5 weeks. Most importantly he needs to be honest about his drinking and, if it is liver disease then the only thing he can do to turn things around is STOP. Ive been through this so please please tell him to go to hospital
Hi, Thank you for replying, i try but he is adamant he is not going and just lies about it being ok due to his other blood tests. I cant speak to his doctor due to data protection, his ankles are swelling but he says that is due to his diabetes. do you think if i contact the department at the hospital and persuade them to send out another appointment they will ?
I doubt its diabetes causing the swelling. Look, Im being honest here, early intervention is key. I was told then another week without treatment then all my organs would have shut down and I never thought I would leave the hospital I was so ill. I went to the gp with swollen belly and nausea. Iquickly then became yellow. That was last May. Ive jow changed my lifestyle and given up alcohol. Please show him these post and others on here. It seems he is burying his head in the sand and the longer he leaves treatment then the less chance of a good outcome. He came turn this around but needs to act jow. Good luck x
He needs to get the scans done and hospital follow up. The diabetes tests ain't going to show up issues with the liver.
He can pretend all he likes its not a problem, but if his ankles are swelling, it is already a problem. Now this is going to sound quite blunt, but...'he needs to get his head out of his arse!' lol.
Hope thats helpful 😁.
Do you know if he get to see the doctor at the hospital after his scan and his results ?
I totally agree with Kristian. I put off going to sse the doc for weeks. When Iwent I was sent straight to A & E. If I had gone earlier I wouldnt have been so ill. I only went when I became very yellow. I had put my other symptoms down to stress. This jaundice is caused by billirubin, the normal level is 12 and mine was 358! It didnt get that high overnight but-the yellowness came on suddenly and this is something a blood test for diabetes would not routinely show up. I was basically told I was going to die and they would do everything they could for me but it wasnt looking good. I was totally shocked but I’m glad that they were so blunt to be honest and have never touched alcohol since- I didnt want to die at 57! If you need any further help then let me know. I dodged a bullet and appreciate that every day!
Thank you Jack, i feel a bit better now knowing you went to the jaundice stage and came back from it.. Reading posts on here is really uplifting as well people have been so poorly and not given much hope and they have turned it round despite what the doctors prognosis was. The internet just says that F4 is liver failure full stop and only a transplant is going to help. Fingers crossed.. i have managed to rebook as they were going to close it down as he had not turned up to his last 2 appointments so hopefully be there soon
Has he had a Fibroscan? Sorry if I’ve missed something but I thought the F scale was only determined by having this- not by bloods. They actually have to scan the liver to check the level of fibrosis. I might be wrong though. He certainly needs to get his stomach swelling checked as this can cause all sorts of problems. I was actually asked if I was pregnant while I was on the ward (even though I was 57!) my stomach was huge. Let me tell you a ward full of patients sick with liver problems is not a nice place to be. I feel like I want to shake your husband- he still has time to turn this around andhave a relatively healthy life. Please understand I’m not trying to preach but he does need to at least get a proper examination, surely hecan see how much worry he is causing you?
No he hast had a scan at all, what stared all this was he told his doctor he drank a lot, they took some blood and sent it off, meanwhile he is having regular bloods taken for his diabetes and the nurse at his diabetes clinic said his last bloods show result of F4 and she didnt know what that meant.. nothing else said. so i looked on the internet for this F4 and it came up with liver failure and a couple of days later an appointment for a scan on his liver arrived.
I dont think she meant F4 fibrosis as you cant tell from blood. I would ring the helpline on this site and speak to one of the nurses here You need clarity on this as soon as possible. Im not a medic, only going on my experience but I think if hubby gets medical help he could still live a decent life if he does have liver disease but he does need to give up drinking. I never thought 59 months go I would be still here and looking forwadto a holiday in the sunshine x
soz meant 9 months ago 😩
Dear Mavwav,
If you are in the UK and would find it useful to talk things over, our nurse-led helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 3pm on 0800 652 7330 (excluding bank holidays)
Best wishes
British Liver Trust
I hope he changes his mind changed about the appt. Mine was the same for a while. I read out some of the messages on here which provide hope and that did the trick. I kept saying just do it for me if not you. Fingers crossed for you.
Definitely show your husband these messages. And tell him, he's killing himself!! I'm sure deep down he knows because of his symptoms he'll be scared and so he should be!!! If he chooses not to receive medical help the alternative is death and as my mum died of serious liver failure! It's not a good way to die young!! I'm not scaring you, but it needs to hit home for your husband, I went completely yellow in a ten minute period!!! My legs had swollen up like balloons, my tummy was massive I needed drained, I was dying last august I was told one more drink from a team of consultants at Edinburgh royal infirmary I would die end of I'm 42 years old and all my drinking life I thought not me, I'm fine jack it's everyone else. Fact is and was it was down to me, lots of help and support out there your not alone reach out here and tell your husband to stop being selfish and stubborn. And go to hospital before it's way too late. Work!!!!!! Life!!!!!!!! Family!!!!!! Won't exist if he doesn't seek help, I'm hoping for you both. You keep strong keep focused. Let us know how things are going please
Taz
No doubt he definitely knows he’s alcoholic. Unfortunately wanting to quit has to come from him.
Next stop will be A&E if he doesn’t stop drinking and attend appointments. 7 months ago I was jaundiced with ascities etc…ascities has still not left me even though I’m being treated with dueretics. At my last appointment transplant was mentioned. My ankles have never swollen so I wouldn’t say that necessarily will happen. It’s a very complex disease.
The language around speaking to someone who is alcoholic and has not yet stopped is very important. Clear & calm communication is vital. An addiction councillor can help. He could do that online. Can be easier to talk to someone who’s impartial. The addicted persons brain operates completely differently to a non addicted person so it’s impossible to understand. He’s best talking to recovered people who he can relate to. AA works for many people. No point in getting angry or frustrated at them. The person is already full of guilt and shame and not in a good way in their head.
“If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for you illness” someone once said.
Hope he decides to get help and I hope you look after yourself too because you are number one.
Hello, I understand, the cramps could be liver or diabetes (my dad had diabetes from childhood and had claudifcation caused by heart problems associated with his diabetes which felt like bad cramps in his legs) he needs to see someone. I'll let you into a secret re patient confidentiality that I was told and might help you. I did this myself without my husband knowing. You can call his doctor and ask for a telephone appointment and when you chat say " I understand patient confidentiality and I am not asking for information but giving you some information about your patient....." they are then obliged to do something, if they dont you can then go to the practice manager and say the same thing as all phone calls are recorded. It might be a good way to move things on if your partner is not attending appointments. Hearing it from someone else instead of you might make him rethink. It worked for my husband. My hubbie had many issues (mostly now sorted) but when we were sent for a transplant assessment I found out that he was (as they called him to his face) a 'covert alcoholic ' he was hiding it from himself as well as me. I'd been married to him for 30 years! Every time I found the vodka he had said, ' I'd forgotten I had that, it's not mine, that's an old one, I dont drink anymore' and i wanted to believe him. Does this sound familiar? Good luck xx
Hello love.Ultimately your husband has to want to do it for himself....if he has the capacity,,,,its his choice. Extremely difficult situation for yourself though.....as you desperately want to help him, I understand that perfectly well. There may well be a medical shock that will jolt him to his senses......
Thats what happened to me.......finger pointing didn't help at all....
I was already so ashamed ,embarrassed of myself. So finger pointing made me want to shut myself away even more.
Try to get him to read some of the responses on here.....that may well help.
I do feel for you ,I really do.
My best. Chris
If it is liver problems he has, the earlier you catch it the better, things can often improve with the right changes. But if it isn't caught, things will worsen, I wonder if it would help to show him some of the posts on here, from people who become very poorly with the disease? There's many posts on here where people or their loved ones have a very limited life, are disabled by their condition and constantly sick and in pain. There are a number of partners who come back to post on here one last time, to update people that their loved one has sadly passed away. I just wonder if it would help if he learnt some of the devastating realities of what this could lead to, if indeed it is liver problems that he has. He doesn't have to end up a sad reality though, if he has got liver disease, he can turn things around, as long as he doesn't keep refusing to face up to it. Either way it sounds like he has some health issues going on that need checking out, I hope he listens to you and gets looked at soon xx
Thank you for all your comments, we are being sent a new appointment and i will make sure he attends although this is difficult in its self as i already know it will cause an argument. I am gathering proof of the spirits so i have something in my hand to confront him to help convince him with but he keeps changing his hiding spots he uses to store his bottles. I will keep you updated
So i have an update, Hubby has had to have a CT scan last week through something else he was seeing the doctors about his results and they picked up on a Fatty liver and the start of mild cirrhosis, so that sounds better that all the things going round in my head with Asities etc. The consultant has said to stop drinking full stop as he has to have an operation as he has an abdominal aortic aneurysm. So he is now in full liver detox mode , fingers crossed he can beat this and stop drinking for good. It looks like the AAA was a blessing in disguise (which sounds really weird). i will keep you updated
I think my husband has cirrhosis
Dealing with loved one who won't seek help
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My appointment with the consultant through Bupa
