Evening everyone.Have missed you all.

Hi all..I didnt realise how much this group/foreham has helped until i took a step back and break.

Hubbys legs and feet are badly swollen and now red raw,, he has an infection in both legs and is finding it very hard to walk without being in so much pain, hes on anti biotics but its another thing for the liver to cope with.

Hubby was starting to eat once a day ,just tiny bits before he had the infection and he hadnt been sick for a while, but he started to take the anti biotics and wednesday night he took one mouth full of food and was in agony with his stomach, he went to bed and slept on and off all day thurs , when he was awake he was being sick and bringing up blood, he wouldnt let me call an ambulance and would fall back off to sleep. He got up at 10 pm ,,,,,,, Went to bed at 5 am fri morning and got up at 9 20 am.. He felt alot better , no sickness, no stomach pains, and not so swollen legs and feet, hubby decided he wanted to go out for one drink we went to our local bar and he had one, we walked to the shop saying how much better he felt and didnt understand how he can be sick one day to the point where he feels like he is dieing to being fine the next day, While walking home his legs gave way and he collapsed in the street, a young couple ran to help us and offered to walk him home and carry our shopping...Its now 10,50 pm and hubby has gone to bed , he couldnt stay awake and was shaken up..

I have to admit im at the stage where i feel so numb through it all and i have been asked how do i cope through because many people wouldnt cope, and i reply with i dont cope,, on the outside i look like im coping on the inside im not. I was supposed to be going to a freinds funneral on monday 28th , he was only 53 but have had to appogise to his wife that i wouldnt be able to cope so going to light a candle in remberence for him..

[Hidden]

Hi Lyn

Your friends wife will understand , you try and get some rest as well, night night x

[Catfishjumpin]

That sounds so sad and so difficult watching his ending. I am really sorry to hear it. You really are very strong but no one but you can know how deeply broken hearted you are on the inside. I hope you can rest and have some peace. Its mostly likely that one drink shocked his liver and collapsed his knees otherwise he may have actually walked home. I hope he can rest more. Aloha

[Hidden in reply to Catfishjumpin]

thankyou catfish, hw are things with you??

[Catfishjumpin in reply to Hidden]

I am better this week. All the cards are on the table now in the open so that helps a lot. I see an Oncologist on Tuesday that will tell me how long I can reasonably expect to last with all of my cancer tumors. It will be sad to hear but after this I can be free to live until I die. Thank you for asking. Aloha

[Shelbymustang]

Yay!! She's back!!! So glad you came back on here, remember, a problem shared, is a problem halved. I am so dosed on anti-depressants that I feel numb. Feel as though I should be crying all day, but Im not and I get to feel guilty! Doc said, at the moment, it is a good thing. Not too sure, my grief needs to expel one day. Anway, enough about me, you really dont realise how strong you are being. My husbands legs were very swollen too. Apart from coming on here, is there a support group you can go to, even going to an AA meeting may help. Remember we are here for you, so keep your chin up, keep your strength up and keep posting!! x

[Hidden in reply to Shelbymustang]

Awe ty for your reply yes i agree a problem shared n all..

Awe you know grief comes with all sorts of emotions, and we need to use them all to get through it,its the bodys way of coping with greif,sending you loads of hugs..

Well if i have been strong im starting to crack i woke up this morning wishing i was in a different world,doubting wether im actually even here, and the weird thing is i miss my mum (she died in june last year ) whats weired about it is we never had a real mother and daughter relationship , she never brought me up so she would have been the last person i would miss.

I dont get how he can be really well one day and in agony and very ill the next.

When he had the fall and went to bed because he was very shaken up, i took advantage of it and went to sleep and rested , but that was short lived because he was awake two hours later, but i was so exuasted , he wanted food but forgot how to make a simple cheese toasty, to us it would be easy but to him he struggles. so i reluctently made him two, normally i would be happy to make him food because he doesnt eat that often, but after taking care of him 24/7 for over a year its exausting and im not well myself , had to have blood tests because im having trouble with my stomach, its an heridity sickness that my grandmother and mum had and now my daughters been diagnosed with it, and i thought for once i would like him to do something for me when im ill, but i have no chance, i went to bed and left him up. he came to bed at 6 am and is still in bed now at 1pm.

I found a group that helps anyone that cares for someone with an addiction or anyone thats recovering that meet up monday evenings in the next town to me im not able to get there but the lady said she would meet with me and another lady, was supposed to be seeing her last week but she cancelled so apparently she is meeting me tuesday, will see..

You take care shelby and we are all here for you ..

xx

[Millie09 in reply to Shelbymustang]

Hi Shelby ,, have been thinking about you .. How are you ? Well silly question really , I ke know how you feel Hun , it's a one day at A time thing , ups and downs , laugher and tears . Anger , frustration etc . All part of the grieving process .took me 4 years this year to finally come to terms with losing dad . It's not A race and you will get through this .. Thinking of you .. Linda X

[Shelbymustang]

Oh Linda, thank you. yes, your right, I call them sunny days and rainy days. the thing is, I feel like I am waiting for something, I think that something is him walking through the door. I have lots to look forward to with my children and grandchildren, the milestones will be the hardest, my neighbour told me that the first Xmas is the Worst! I thought, yeah, thanks for that! just what I didn't want to hear! 😠 x

[Millie09 in reply to Shelbymustang]

Yes shelby , and you will have them for as long as it takes Hun , aww bless you , I know exactly how you feel , with me it was the daily phone call to make sure I was ok , when the phone rings even now I can still hear his voice in my head and boy do I miss our Xmas shop together ( mum Passed away 28 yrs ago ) . Well I had exactly the same thing said to me about the first Xmas , I don't need to go in to any detail .. You know what to expect , but you do get through the day . Don't think about the milestones ahead ,just one day at a time .. Here if you need me to chat too 💟💟xx Linda

[Paulineunderstand]

Shelby : do you have good plans for Christmas? maybe it's something you can put in place. I don't know your circumstances but it may be volunteering or arranging to see friends. .. preparing for a rainy day like a birthday or anniversary can help.

[Paulineunderstand]

Lyn 66. just reading your post made me feel better. I've felt that frustration... and resentment. I've had a cold the past week and with work been very tired and come home to try cooking delicious food to pique his appetite when I could have done with.... well just him making me a cup of tea to be honest... I know it's not the same as a cold will pass, but I think that feeling must be quite normal and you've made me feel better about feeling it.