Fade to black

[bear01]

No point I'm sorry, just a last reach out to well people, people who have those who love and care for them.

Cherish them, please.

There are some who through their own disease are unable to help those they profess to love.

I fought back from near death 18 months ago, family, friends, husband of 20 years, professional well respected people in their fields, telling me now drinking is ok.

Unfortunately as a child I was groomed to be psychologically and economically dependent, I know nothing else and have nothing else to fall back on.

I hate this, I hate myself, is there any way out?

[Owlie]

Hi,

I care about you, and am concerned about how you are feeling at this moment in time.

Have you tried talking to the Samaritans or spoken to your GP about how you feel? I have been through some extremely tough times in my life and sometimes you just need that one person to say ‘I’m here and I’m listening’.

I have sent you a private message. Please talk to me as I’m sure I can help

Alex x

[bear01 in reply to Owlie]

Thank you Owlie, you are a kind soul. Here in my part of Australia we have our largest owls, the Powerful Owl.

I believe you are an omen.

xxx

[Owlie in reply to bear01]

Hi, I’m so glad you replied!! I’ve been called some things before but never an owl! So, I’m a great listener and happy to talk in private with you. I have to go out in about 30 mins but will be back soon. What helps me is when I write down how I feel, if it would help you send me a private message and I will reply later. You are never alone, Alex x

[alfredthegreat]

Hi Bear01. I'm really sorry to hear of the situation that you find yourself in. You have done so well to fight back. I presume your illness was caused by alcohol? I feel for you that you have no support within your family but you will get plenty of support on here. Be strong and be your own person, don't drink because it makes others feel better about their own habits. There are plenty of alternatives that you can drink rather than alcohol if you feel you need to be part of your family's social occasions. You don't need to damage your health to fit in with them. They can make their own decisions and you can make yours. Wishing you well and hope that you will come on this forum if you want some support and kind words. Stay strong. Alf

[bear01 in reply to alfredthegreat]

Thank you so much Alf for your reply, you are clearly a good soul.

Yes sadly I turned to alcohol to deal with a terrible darkness that many people no doubt deal with. The strength so many gather, unfortunately in my case waned and my illness took full advantage. Weakness, absolutely, blame everyone and everything else, check.

The damnedest bit of it, I'm a bloody fighter, but I can't fight it on my own.

[alfredthegreat in reply to bear01]

You are not on your own on here. You are part of our virtual family. I hope that you will come on here whenever you feel down or alone. We all on here have been through so much that you will find that you are talking to people with a great understanding of most situations. Stay strong, you can fight this! you are doing so well just in seeking the help of others. Stay in touch. Alf

[Hidden]

Dear Bear01

We are very sorry to hear how you feel at the moment. Please stay in touch as there are some lovely people on here who can give you some support. I'm also messaging you with some information on support in your country.

Best wishes

British Liver Trust admin team

[Hidden]

Hi

I care about you as I'm sure everyone does on here. Please come on this wonderful forum whenever you wish, I'm here for you anytime. I'm a good listener so you can message me whenever you want. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx

[AmericanDemocrat]

Hello, bear01 -

YES, there is a way out, I promise you. I swear to you. Despair may be the predominant feeling you’re experiencing *right now* and it’s normal to hate it, but don’t take it that one step further to self-hate. Did you ask to be given the psychological models inflicted upon you as a child? Are you enjoying your current state of being? Is it your desire that those around you are being non-supportive and encouraging you to drink? The answer to all 3 is NO. This is not your fault. Please try to give yourself some self compassion. You only did what you knew how to do then, but by reaching out, you are showing that you now know better, and thus, will do better. Now you DO have something else to fall back on, something better, and that is this forum. There are a lot of intelligent, loving, and experienced people on this site, and they all help each other. They will help you, too. It doesn’t matter how many thousands of miles away you may be - help and encouragement are always available.

You sound very much like you do not want to drink and know it will be harmful to you. Love yourself, be kind to yourself, stay away from it, you can do this. And if you fall, get right back up again.

You mentioned the blackness - it happens to us all, and as humans, our only job is to help each other out of it. Please feel free to private message me anytime and also to post here often. I will be watching for your posts.

*There are many components of how you reached this situation and that means there are also many ways OUT.*

xxxxxx

[mncold]

Hi bear01,

you only have to see the replies to your post to know that there are those of us who do care about you.

We need you to respond in hopes that you can find the support you need here even if not closer.

A psychologist once told me that he felt his role was to be a friend that one could talk to when you couldn't talk to your other friends.

Wishing you the best,

Mary

[Radnor]

Well you have taken the most important step , you also need help and guidance to go further, Dont look for a miracle overnight, that only happens in fantasy worlds of film. As children we are all dependent on those who raise us, some do an amazing job, others not so much. All that can be addressed at a later date and time. Finding the you you are now will also provide some answers on how to move forward in the right direction, gaining strength every day. Those who do get to do this have one thing in common. They realise that somewhere along the line their self esteem has been well and truly flattened! To feel love and respect from others the first lesson is to learn to feel these feelings towards yourself. If alcohol is what has thrown you into this depths of sadness, if you can stop drinking what I am saying will make sense. You need to get some support to achieve this, but if you see on here just how many people have won this fight and many more as well. Yes some have amazing others to support them, but it can only be the drinker who can decide to stop. The most awesome thing about this site is that no one sits in judgement, plus people do care . Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, Make it about you being happy, When you get there you will be in a position to help others. Be strong love Hazelx