So I'm struggling with depression again. It seems to happen often on Friday nights when I'm alone. I am married but not happily, I'd like to split but he won't go and I just know how complicated the fight would get. I know he'd stalk me and we'd spend a fortune on lawyers cause he'd fight everything. And I'm the one that would lose because in the one that makes the money.
I have no friends, I really don't. I did at one time but they're all gone for a variety of reasons. It makes me depressed and lonely. I have suicidal thoughts all the time but I don't want to die. But then I feel the little dull pain near my liver and I think I am going to die and nobody will even miss me. Nobody really cared much when I was diagnosed with fibrosis.
I look better than I have in the past few years. Between the Metformin and the healthy diet I've lost 33lbs. I feel better too, not exhausted and sweaty like I was. And I can find clothes that fit becuase my stomach isn't distended. But I feel that little pain and I know I'm still sick.
I really have no one to talk to. If I did I wouldn't be on a website in a foreign country (I live in the USA) telling my innermost feelings to people I don't know.
I really just don't know what to do.