Hi folks

[Foxman555]

I really thought I was pretty intelligent, this illness addiction call it whatever, I've lost my life staying at my daughter's love her, but then so conniving I hide drink, it engulfs me, looking forward is full if trepidation, partner has given up on me, who knows what s next, love people always xx

[Hidden]

Oh Jeff what am I going to do with you eh ?

Firstly you need to have a good long talk with your daughter (sober) explain things to her properly about how you are feeling and your now obvious craving for booze and admit to her you are hiding it from her and where so she knows exactly who and what she's dealing with in her own home.

You MUST respect that she has taken you in to her home. She wouldn't do that unless she loves you and cares about you. I think you should tell her about what I went through with my husbands addiction and if she wants or needs advice on how best to help you and how to look after herself too she is welcome to message me ( privately ) she's more than welcome.

Alternatively she can contact NACOA who support and advise family members living with an alcoholic and or alcohol related illnesses. If she doesn't get help, I hate to say it Jeff but she may also turn her back on you and where will you be then? It's not easy to live with in fact it can be a living hell.

I also think you MUST see a GP, admit you're alcoholic and very poorly and you need 1 to 1 councelling to help you kick it again.

You were doing so well, so happy and positive and you CAN get there again

L x

[Fastkat]

I agree with Laura your a chronic alcoholic and need help with that urgently. We can’t provide what you need on the forum only sympathy which in all honestly is damaging to you as well. Sympathy will not help you but help to condone your actions.

For someone to discharge themselves from hospital and go to the pub proves a chronic addiction. I’ve seen that happen before and it didn’t end well.

You need to make a massive effort to break the addiction and start believing you can do it.

I know where you are as I’ve been in that place of denial and desperation.

Find some strength and a will to live

Best of luck

[Hidden in reply to Fastkat]

Hi Fastkat. I'm glad your words sound harder than mine when I have posted the ' straight between the eyes' approach, I've been criticised. But it really is the only way. I've been the wife on the receiving end of all the bullshit so I know how hard it will be on his daughter and hope she can find the strength and support she will need.

[Fastkat in reply to Hidden]

Hi Laura

It sound harsh I know. Personally it was my wife and daughters threatening me that finally got through and I stopped drinking.

They have supported me and make my life possible and I hope Jeff can find that support from his family. The ball is in his court though and he must start to help himself.

[Isabelle2 in reply to Fastkat]

As another previously chronic alcoholic I totally agree!

[Hidden in reply to Fastkat]

Wonderful.

It's very hard being the immediate family. We need lots of support too. My kids and I were totally unsupported, even my in laws were in denial about his drinking. Although he died 8 years ago just 54, which was also very difficult, especially for my son, we have moved on. I have a new husband and 3 stepsons so have a whole new very happy life. My kids, who don't drink find they are under pressure by their friends who all drink and feel they have to explain why they don't. But in their early 20s they all think it won't happen to them.......

[Isabelle2 in reply to Hidden]

I wouldn’t even have made it to 54. I am 52 now and a transplantee. My family were wonderful, hard love when I needed it but soft words and cuddles when I deserved them!

[Millie09]

Hi jeff, oh dear.. i was a chronic alcoholic, i started to drink socially, that then became a habit. Then a coping mechanism due to a nasty ex husband which turned in to full blown addiction and god i hated it !! .. i did get myself off it when i was admired to hospital.

Why oh why after your health issues with your kidney failure are you not asking for a detox? .

Reading between the lines your not ready to stop or you would never have left hospital to go the pub.

You need to get a grip or you'll end up not on this earth for much longer... please listen to us xx

[Foxman555 in reply to Millie09]

Hi Millie, I need to wake up and do something, was in hospital again, had scans on my chest abdomen and head, I'm really freefalling to an early death, I've asked for de toxes, you only seem to get them if your in some sort of substance misuse organisation, which i am but absolutely no help, I have to battle this out myself take care Jeff xx

[Millie09 in reply to Foxman555]

Hi jeff, sorry for late reply. Been to the QE hospital liver unit today for my regular check ups.

Was there 3 hours due to so many people There. Good news my LFT is good, no change in my liver, drs pleased and they have given me gaviscon to help my acid reflux.

Why are you doing this to yourself? ..i wished i could have taken you with me today.. i saw a lady, who looked so much how i looked 10yrs ago.. stick thin legs, stomach full of fluid, shallow eyes, Gray skin.. i wanted to put my arm around her ,she was on her own too. Looked older than me but that could have been the illness,

Oh how i felt humble, my insomnia, my nausea and my other ailments are nothing compared to this poor lady and how sick i really was...

I had my detox done in hospital. You don't have to be in any substance misuse group at all. If you want it bad enough you will fight your corner.. wake up and smell the coffee will you.

You have the choice. Stop the self pity and do this for you and your daughter while you still can. I wished my dad was still with me .

I am not being harsh jeff.. i just want you to take a leap of faith and ASK the hospital for a detox, then follow up to counselling. It wont happen overnight but please don't let alcohol take another life ... linda x

[Fastkat in reply to Millie09]

Hi Millie

Think I was there that day as I just recognised you from your profile photo. I saw the woman and she looked ill and stick thin.

I was sitting in a wheelchair in the corridor to the consultants. I’m on 4 weekly clinics so spend a lot of time at QE either in clinic or a bed. Just off now to sort a new problem out with my consultant

[Millie09 in reply to Fastkat]

Hi fastkat, yes i remember.. as i was looking to grab one of the big soft chairs to sit on due to my osteopenia in right hip with onset of osteoarthritis and two prolapsed discs ... more health issues lol

Oh so you go four weekly then..yes that poor lady bless her.

Which consultant do you see ? I do hope your not too poorly.

Hope things get better for you, my next appt at QE is 23 oct .. fingers crossed not before. Be nice to meet up maybe if you wish? .. best wishes.. linda

[Foxman555 in reply to Millie09]

Hi Linda, are you sure were not joined at the hip (so to say), I have oestepenia, I think this has moved on to full oestephorsis with a crumbling lower back, I wasn't getting treatment just stronger painkillers, I pestered my gp and now get physiotherapy, which helps a lot.

Best wishes Jeff xx

[Millie09 in reply to Foxman555]

Lol, . Well i started physio but it makes my pain worse. 🤔.can't get in to half the positions so i will speak to my new GP about it on Tuesday. Can't take any painkillers other than paracetamol and they dont work so i just have to grit my teeth and rest now and then.

Glad physio is helping you. Linda xx

[Fastkat in reply to Millie09]

Hi Linda and thanks for replying.

Just avoided another admission yesterday for high potassium the 3rd in 3 weeks! Doctors said I will just have to live with it. Beats a bank holiday weekend on rations though!

If I’m about on 23rd October it would be nice to meet

Look after yourself

Andy

[Foxman555 in reply to Millie09]

Hi Linda, never feel humbled by your own illnesses, I do understand that everybody is different and responds differently, hmm sounds a bit naff I know what I mean 😂, you are an individual, yes watching somebody whose life has been destroyed can only make you stronger, it has to nobody wants to die, but it is down to how much you want to live, I hit rock bottom over the last week, everybody was turning their backs on me, I may have lost one lady out of my life, but my daughter has given me one last chance which i will cherish, take care and great news on your lft's every good bit of news spurs you on xx

[Millie09 in reply to Foxman555]

Hi jeff.

Well i am blessed so to speak that i have actually got this far. 😁. The way my liver has taken a good pickling. 🙄.

Yes, very true! When you can relate to someone who is going through what you have been through makes you more determined than ever but it also makes me want to reach out to help .

Maybe in time when you are well again your ex may see you differently..but the most important person is you and your lovely caring daughter..keep the faith and one day at a time xx

[Foxman555 in reply to Millie09]

Thanks Linda you take care sweetheart, I think with positivity most of us will get through, my heart goes out to those it may be too late for xx

[Millie09 in reply to Foxman555]

You too Jeff!!. Baby steps.. and you will get there. Love linda xx

[Hidden in reply to Foxman555]

Hi Jeff. My husband was detoxed twice BEFORE his 1 to 1 councelling started with the Mathews Project in Norwich. The same counceller comes to the home, you don't even have to go to them. He was dry for the last 3 months of his life. Had he not have been so bloody minded and kidded himself he could quit without the projects help and sought help sooner he may well have survived for longer.

You've been given no end of help and support from many people here but it's obviously not enough. It's up to you ... do you want to die an horrific death or be honest with yourself, make the effort and do what you know you need to do. So forget all the negativity, there IS help out there for you both mentally and medically but you have to want it enough..... Do you?

I hope your daughter is coping

xx

[Foxman555 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Laura, the positive news is my daughter is supporting me, we talked a lot today, she was a little cynical to start with, too many false dawn's, but she is there for me which is great, now starts the hard work, but I'm willing and determined to beat this, cannot go back, the last few days have been difficult, I know that I reached rock bottom, because people were turning their backs on me, a lot of people have really just said it how it is, if that makes sense, I don't want sympathy anybody can be like that, but empathy is true understanding, and there are so many people on here with that knowledge,

Big hugs take care xx

[Hidden in reply to Foxman555]

So pleased to hear all of that. Good luck to you. Please keep us posted. The only way is up Hugs to you and your daughter xx

[robhood]

Hey Foxman,you have already lost one womans love do you want to lose anothers ?? If you continue You will not only be a very SAD and Sick DYING Man, you will break your daughters heart....and she doesn't deserve that! Be strong and stop the booze ! Everytime you get the urge to drink Think of her...we all know it's very hard but lots of us have been there and succeeded.....so can you....Hang on to the love in your heart for her and give her the biggest gift of her lifetime.....HER LOVING NEW DAD !!!

[BSA-3]

Hi, it would seem to me that you are a full-blown alcoholic that is unable to help himself. I don't know about addiction units where you are, obviously, but if there is one local then you need to see your G.P. and ask for a referral. They will de-tox you safely and they should put you on Antabuse or alternatively ask your doctor to prescribe it for you. Believe me, it will be a long time before you have another drink if you try and cheat and have a drink whilst on it. But, like I and Fastkat and Laura009 have all said before; there is only you can want to make that first move. You must realise that we have seen and done it all and you 'can't kid a kidder', as they say. Personally, I sort of knew this was coming because your posts were too jovial and cheerful for somebody trying to kick the booze - as though you were trying to convince yourself. I'm sorry if all this sounds harsh, but the truth will out. Take care.

[Millie09 in reply to BSA-3]

Well said Nick! I could so see my old self in Jeff's posts.

[Beauport]

Oh Foxman I feel for you, I really do. I've been where you are, tried many times to detox, saw several one to one counsellors at different times over the years and nothing really worked, no doubt because I wasn't ready. After almost drinking myself to death one day, I learnt of a recovery service locally, went along reluctantly (at that point I didn't "do" group counselling) and ......... It was the best decision I've ever made in my life. The staff are all retired alcoholics/drug addicts, depending on your poison of choice, and they are angels. The group was incredibly supportive, and were often a lot of fun (yes really - shared experiences can be hilarious). Many clients undertook a residential detox as part of their recovery and spoke very highly of that experience.

Ask your GP if there's a similar recovery group in your area. I live in an area where alcoholism and drug addiction thrive, so recovery programmes are pretty accessible, but I had to "shop around" to find the right one for me. Most of all YOU HAVE TO WANT TO DO IT, more than you've ever wanted anything in your life before.

Above all, don't let yourself regress because you've failed this time. It's easy at this point just to admit defeat (your addiction will WANT you to give in!) but DO persevere and DO get yourself some help urgently. We all want you to live.

xx

[Beauport in reply to Beauport]

Oops, I sent it twice!

[Foxman555]

I've been given the last rights whatever that is, I'm sorry if I offend anyone by saying that, I'm desperately trying me hardest seems to be beating me though all the best you people take care xx

[Paulwil]

i don't think you could write your last post if you given your last rights. Enough of the self-pity! You will never succeed with this attitude.

You need to kick yourself in the backside and realise how pathetic you are sounding.

Feeling sorry for yourself on what you envisage as the inevitable will become reality very soon it seems.

Go for it! You may not get another chance.

Sorry to be so blunt

[Fastkat]

Do you realise people on here are dying. My chances are slim but I still try to help people in your situation. Please don’t belittle us with your self pity. I’d swop places with you any day as I would survive in your situation and get well.

I don’t have that option and there will be others that are too ill to transplant here. I spend 35% of my time in hospital and believe me you won’t want to go there.

It’s no big deal stopping drinking compared to the shit you have to deal with as you get very ill

Sorry but you are annoying me. Forget the damage your doing to your body for now and STOP DRINKING

[BSA-3 in reply to Fastkat]

Hi, my thoughts entirely. He also has to realise that there could be a lot of people on here who are still struggling with cravings etc and his taking the piss out of the situation doesn' help them at all. He is deluded and like I've said above he can't make monkeys out of us because we've been there, seen it, done it and got the t-shirt. It's up to him now and time is running out. Take care.

[Millie09 in reply to BSA-3]

👌👏👏👏👏.. .😉

[Millie09 in reply to Fastkat]

So so true!!! .and i could not agree with everything you have said.. godbless you fastkat.

[Smyally]

Foxman. You have to ask yourself DO YOU WANT TO LIVE. Only you know the answer. Yes fighting any sort of liver disease is hard, and not everything goes our way. Yes fighting addiction is hard, probably thousands/millions of people in this world are fighting addiction, a lot of them are on here sharing their own stories and experiences. I really want you to succeed, but you have to want to do this for yourself. Think about your daughter and how much you’re putting her through. Not a lot else I can say

[Hidden]

I agree with everyone on here. You really must think about your daughter, she must think the world of you. Take care