Confused is hubby getting better?

Ok im confused..All over the weekend hubby was sick, coughing from the moment he got up to the time he went to bed, he was hot to touch even his hands (which are usually cold all the time) then 10 pm sunday evening his coughing stopped, his chest sounded a little tight when he spoke but he felt better. He felt better all day yesterday apart from the obvious signs of being ill weight loss,sucken eyes,darkness under the eyes, unsteady walking, and his voice seems to be quieter when he speaks now but im putting that down to all the coughing. Is this a sign his liver is getting better ( although hes still drinking a ltr of vodka and a beer a day ) or is this a case of they get better before they get worse? Even his feet and legs have gone down from the swelling and he says his feet arent as painful anymore (his legs and feet are very dry).

51 Replies

  • Ty Chris, Hes been drinking a lrt of vodka a day for the last 8 months or so, before that alot of cans of cider/beer..Im just condused as to how he can feel better all of a sudden and along with his swelling of his legs and feet going down and the pain not being as bad.No need to appologise Chris thankyou for your honesty ,i like people being straight with me wether i will like the answer or not..:).

  • I think it's quite common to have "good" and bad days with liver disease. If he's still drinking all that then I can't imagine his liver is recovering. He must stop, its as simple as that.

  • Thankyou joe.....:)

  • I'm sorry if I sound blunt but drinking that amount with liver disease then there can be only be one outcome. I really hope you can both get on track.

  • Oh joe dont appologise as i said i would rather people be honest and blunt with me , i dont like pushyfooting people :).Unfortunalty because he feels better he wont give up the booze, i have been through it all with him all the reasons he should give it up but what do i know im not a dr thats what he tells me anyway. he wont listen to his dr either unfortunatly. He has seen family and freinds die of this illness but he thinks its not going to happen to him. I was just confused as he has been so il for many years and worse the last month that to hear him sound well was a shock if that makes sense..

  • He's playing a dangerous game. There's no way he'd be considered for transplant drinking like that. Potentially that could be the only thing that could save his life. But you know all this, he knows all this. It's really sad that alcohol can get a grip on people like this, unfortunately they take the people they love down with them too.

  • Yes i agree it is sad how it gets a grip on people, i and many others have said they have no clue how he has lasted so long. Yeah all my mums side are alcoholics, she died june 2015 of organ failure due to heavy drinking for 40 years(i hadnt seen my mum in years so never seen how she was before she died. He has seen his friend,his cousins die from drinking and has seen the affects but he just dont think its going to happen to him i guess.

  • What is your Hubby's age if you don't mind me asking?

  • He is in denial.

  • The only suggestion that I have is to immediately arrange a GP appointment and get a thorough check on his health. There you can get a referal for a plan to arrange for alcohol services input as a matter of great urgency. Unless, as rodeojoe just pointed out, the alcohol abuse is addressed there is not much point in recieving any treatment as its a waste of valuable resources and everybodies time and energy.

    As for the signs you have described ( we cannot diagnose on here ) a GP could maybe look for signs of an infection.

    The first sign I ever had of how serious my liver disease had become was when I became extremely ill with spontaneous bacterial peritonitis.

    Take care,


  • I agree jim,It is a waist if its not addressed and i guess the only one that can do that is hubby.. He had a full health check at his drs two weeks ago and the dr said that he has decompensated liver which i thought would have made him think sht what i am doing but then didnt help by the dr saying you dont look well today but ive seen you worse. His drs have said we are a broken record, less drinking more eating but he thinks he knows best.

    Anyway thankyou everyone for all your answers i really apprciate them, and you taking your time to answer.


  • You can get support from this organisation. Its for those not necessarily drinking themselves but affected by their close ones alcohol use.

  • Sounds like he needs a MELD score from a GP .

  • Thank you so much chris for your message, he wont read any of the foreams on here, when i suggested it he went mad and told me to delete it all and he didnt want me coming on here talking to complete strangers about him, and he thinks you are all making it up to try and get him to stop drinking because your all jelious (his words) ,hes accused me of even seeing some of the guys on here. he thinks i have deleted it , i come on here now when he is sleeping, hate doing it behind his back but i know you guys have gone through it and know what you are talking about.His symptoms swollen legs and feet which are always painfull, hes sick most days and sometimes just moving will cause him to be sick so he stays in bed most of the day, cant eat ,in a year he has eaten equivlant to 5 toddlers meals ,most of the time he is cold. his sleep patterns are all over the place, some times he is incontinnent both ways, he can barely walk not just because of the pain but because he has lost all the muscles from his arms and legs and is just skin and bone, i can see his spine and his rib cage and chest bones ,He looks like a man in his 90s, hes only 48. Hes got constant runny nose(not sure if thats anything to do with it)..Ive told him time and time again you are going to end up the same place as peter (his freind that died of alcohol related illness) and all he keeps saying is yes but peter drank more than me, peter used to drink 5 bottles of wine a day. i told him its not a competition. I have stopped nagging him now as i know it makes no difference as like you said hes got to want to give it up and get well..Im starting to think that maybe he is seeing the same pattern peter showed and thinks whats the point in giving up if im going to die i may as well go out drinking. Maybe im wrong in thinking that but its all i can think of the reason why he isnt giving up..

    Thankyou once again chris your a gem.

  • The addictive mind is lying to him. He is lying to himself and that is just sad.

  • Ty Chris

  • Sounds like while sick, he drank a bit less, thus his liver had a wee bit of rest so he seems better. Sounds like the ups and downs we alcoholics experience or experienced.

  • Hi Lynn,

    There is something that has been on my mind for a while now. How, if he is so so poorly is he able to I get alcohol? I'm not judging because I have been there and I know that addicts will do whatever it takes to get there drug of choice. I really hate how easily available and cheap alcohol is!!

    I see that you like it bluntly put and you obviously have experience in these matters have you been to the GP yourself to be referred for therapy. I know how easy it is to be manipulated by the person you love and how deeply affected you can be.

    Some people just don't recover from this illness and after a while the person you knew is replaced by an addict with one sole need in life their next fix. I hate it and I hate how amasing people are lost to this horrific illness.


  • Hi ty for your reply , the shop is only a two min walk and he will get there even when he is in a lot of pain and if he can't get there his mates will get it as they only see me as a nagging wife . I see a nurse once a week and she is going to get someone to see me on it .

  • Wow...I don't understand how shops are allowed to sell it to people when they look so obviously ill. I work in a pharmacy and if someone came to buy any over the counter meds on a regular basis and looked unwell we would refer them straightaway without a doubt. It's awful but I guess it's all about making profit. I believe they should be made accountable.

    His mates need a slap if you can class them as mates. Are they drinkers too?

    Sorry but the whole situation makes me so angry they are taking advantage of a unwell person.

    I'm so glad you are getting support. Hang in there.


  • You are right poppy they are just in it for the profit,, i thought he only looked ill to me because i see what he is like in the house but a freind of his (not one of his drinking mates)said to him you need to start eating, i dont want to go to your funneral me and the lads have all commented on how ill you look, the shops just want to make a profit as long as they want alcohol they will sell it to them, even the ones who have gone in there drunk they wil sell to them.They are his mates as in they were his drinking buddies, yeah they are alcoholics too, i have suggested us move to another town, i made the excuse that i want a change and a fresh start to many memories in the town including my ex and he refuses to leave the town he grew up in.I could have gone down the line of because of your mates but that wouldnt budge him even more.

  • Has anyone checked his heart...this can cause breathlessness.the lack of cough is not necessarily a good thing as my mum did that and it had movrd down omto her chest...she seemed better for a day but it went to pneumonia.or maybe he had a virus which gave him a temperature?and the cough

    I dont mean to be a pessimist but if you can get back to docs do take him.good luck.cazer

  • Thankyou for your reply. He won't go to the Drs to be checked over. He told me yesterday that he came close to going into the hospital over the weekend but now he feels better with his chest he don't feel the need to , he is very stubborn and I can't force him to go .

  • So difficult for you if he wont cooperate to take care of himself.maybe he would agree that if he feels worse again before weekend to get his chest checked rather than sit in a and e .no one likes to waste their time so you could maybe be a bit sneaky and harp on about a and e! Maybe then by ftiday if he feels worse he might agree to go?

    Unternatively you have to say your piece then leave him to it ..if he doesnt care then you cant make him...put yourself first for a change.his mates obviously dont see the seriousness of his health.he is in no state of mind to be a grown up about ut all.sorry to be callous but the bott line is that you have to look after yourself

    Did you say you have children?

    Best wishes cazer

  • I have basically done that, i am there for him if he needs me .eg calling a dr/ambulance , he said to me my mum and dad are always on at me how come your not anymore? i said they do and say the things they do to you because they love you and care about you as do we all and the reason i dont anymore is because you are a grown man ,you know what you are doing , im sick of arguing over alcohol , it will win in the end, if you want to continue kiling yourself then go a head no one can ever say i didnt help you. he said oh and continued to watch the tv

  • Poppy86,

    You beat me to the punch. I tried to say exactly that yesterday and just as I was finishing up my phone died then I was to tired to repost.

    If he is that sick he probably not buying the bulk of his alcohol. You need to put a stop to anyone bringing him any alcohol. Even if he somehow walks to the store himself his intake will be greatly diminished by not allowing anyone else to bring alcohol into your house.

    My husband has not drank for 32 years. He was locked up for drunk driving, then I called his boss and told him where he was and why. They sent him to a 30 in patient treatment program. That saved our marriage. But it hasn't been without major changes for both of us. One of the biggest was not allowing ANY alcohol into my home. This meant I also although not an alcoholic would not be enjoying even an occasional glass of wine or a wine cooler. It also meant we needed to get a new group of non drinking friends and have not gone to a night club either. By the grace of God he has been clean for 32 years!!

    The other thing I want you to think about is gathering his friends and family and giving them the straight up truth. His parents especially need to know how sick he is. I know you said they were unwell themselves and he/you did not want to upset them. But they are his parents. I don't care how sick I am if one of my children, mom, sister was as sick as he is and his significant other kept it secret I would be really upset not only with my family member but with there partner. They already know he is sick and are probably worried so if they knew just how bad his health is and why then you could enlist their help in keeping alcohol out of your home. There is just one caution. If he does stop cold turkey then he will probably need medication for withdrawal. People can have seizures when they detox from alcohol or benzo's.

    I know how dedicated you are to your husband. He is very lucky that you will be staying with him no matter what. You don't want to allow other people to help him kill himself. I know I sound mean but if it was my husband and he was that sick no one would step foot in my home until they could prove they had no alcohol with them. Any alcohol he actually was able to go and get would be promptly emptied down the sink the minute I found him drinking. This is a fight for his life and it's not going to be easy for him or you. He will be really angry and probably will continue with his name calling but you have to be strong. If his parents and friends join with you in the effort to get him to stop drinking he may finally listen. He may not but you can find peace in the fact that you did everything humanly possible to help him quit drinking.

  • I like it I wish I had been that tough when mine was drinking heavily and when I use to find bottles hidden all over the household. It's true it's your house so your rules!! He will say horrible things to you but you have to stay strong. Do you have somewhere you can go just to chill for a bit?

    Even though my Hubbys been sober for over a year now I still have the rule of no alcohol. Not even alcohol free beer (which FYI aren't completely alcohol free how bad is that?) I won't cook with alcohol check everything that we eat out or even let him use mouthwash with alcohol in it!!

    I have been where you are shouted, nagged, cried, screamed stormed out. He use to promise me time and time again that he would stop he just thought he became better at hiding it. I use to find empty bottles everywhere in the oddest of places. I can sense tiny amounts of alcohol on anyone now, my senses are so heightened to it.


  • I agree totally Poppy especially your reference to intervention. There does come a time when you have to just give up on someone as it will only drag one down .

  • Ty for your reply...He will get drink regardless, he disappeared one day and i couldnt find him, he eventually came home late at night very drunk, asked where he had been and he told me to mind my own business, i have poured his drink down the sink, i have watered down his drink but he knows.. I told his parents yesterday how ill he is and they said we know, they had been to his drs and talked to his drs themselves. The moment his parents start on him he shuts off or storms off out so they stopped comeing here and when he rings them they have a go then and he hangs up, at the end of the day no matter what any of us say or do he is on the road to disruption and no one can stop him but himself, i do sometimes wish i could stop loving him then i could just walk away but i do love him more than anything...

  • His mates bring him the drink when i am out, i have found out also that when he goes out he goes to his mates drinking, his intake of alcohol is almost a ltr of vodka a day in our house not sure what he drinks when he goes there, if i banned it from the house he will walk out and live with his mates, i know alot would say well let him,but , i didnt see my mum years before she passed away and never made peace with her, she died thinking i hated her, im not going through that with hubby, im a great believer in fighting for my marriage not ending it the moment trouble hits the fan(im not having a go just saying).I told his parents everything and they already knew , they had been to the drs and talked to his dr and thats makes sense as to why they are on his case all the time, the freinds he does have that arent alcoholics know how ill he is i have told them and he gets nasty with them if they comment.No one comes to the home when im there now, he rings them when im out and because they only live up the road they get here before i get home. The only salution is he comes with me but unless i tie him to me and drag him with me he wont come with me. I have decided that if he wants to go ahead and continue drinking and killing himself then thats his choseing, i am too exausted from trying to keep him alive, i watched this programme last night called ambulance and its real live actions of the ambulance service and the one part there was a heroin addict who had over dosed and stopped breathing, they managed to bring him around, get his breathing back to normal, they put him in the ambulance to go to the hospital and he refused to go ,as much as the paramedics wanted to take him and he refused so they had to let him go, he even said to them he would die on the streets, i commented to hubby how sad that was that a man knowing he could have the help and be saved from death chose to refuse it, he said yeah but thats his choice isnt it? it was then i decided why should i use all my energy and effort to try and get him to be alcohol free and get well again when he has that attitude. I can not do anymore than i already have.

  • lyn66 do you know why your hubby drinks? He may if you can get him to go, get some support via Relate or othervounselling. People cant easily give up drinking without understanding and facing up to why they drink, then, if yhey have liver disease, they need to make a choice between alcohol and life.

    i wish you the best of luck and love hun, this is a v tough time for both of you. Lets hope with the tight support, he will recover x

  • He was given wiskey from the age of 4, his grandparents used to give it to him and would laugh and say awe look he likes it, then his dad bought him home brew when he was 13 and allowed him to drink it, and he used to mitch off school with his mates getting drunk and it went on from there,, there is no reason he drinks other than hes always done it, i asked his dr about it and he said lyn there are all types of drinkers, teenagers eperiment with drink and they continue to drink ,eg peer preasure , thinking its fun, etc and then when they get to their twenties they cut down and drink sensibly (as in not all the time) then it fades out later on and then they go out weekends or parties, and then there is people who start drinking at a young age and continue to drink for the rest of their lives, unfortunatly thats the catagory of your husband, he had a good up bringing, had alot of mates in school, has plenty of mates growing up. He just enjoyed drinking , thought it was a laugh to get drunk with his mates all the time..Ty :)

  • lyn66 im so sad to read the introduction at a young age etc, but as you say he's had a good life. Could you switch him to zero alcohol beer if he likes the taste - i switched my hubby to it whilst he had a prob with his leg post op and was on antibiotics for 18 months, it meant he got the taste without the alcohol content and he carried on drinking that afterwards but the antibiotics got to him in the end, sending you hugs and best of luck with everything xxx

  • Hi geffy ty for your reply, he will only drink vodka, im just leaving him to it now. Im sick of worrying and all its getting me is heartache..

  • Bless you @lyn66 i should have spotted that in the thread. As the wife of a hubby who drank a lot early in our relationship it is draining trying to get them to change - he did in the end, so i hope your hubby can too. Look after yourself x

  • ty geffy :)

  • Oh dear Lyn; i have been told that alcohol is not called 'the disease of denial' for no reason. Your husband seems so much in denial and i don't see what else you can do; its so awful when alcoholics are in denial, or they, in some way, think drinking might even help them for example! You can only try Lyn and you have been doing this; it is up to him whether he wants to live or die. Personally, i would still keep trying to some degree; But, it must be a terrible strain on you Lyn and you have my empathy. I hope you have some family support and are able to have a bit of time to yourself; He must stop, but he doesn't seem to want to stop at all; you must start to think of your own health Lyn and look after yourself too and sorry to say it, but prepare for the worst possible outcome ; Hugs xxx

  • thankyou susie for your reply, i totally agree with you, he is in denial , he will not give up, he told me yesterday that when he was ill on the weekend (and he was the worst i have seen him) that if someone had given him the option to die he would have chosen to die, you would think that he would want to stop drinking just through being that ill but he blames it on everything but the booze..It is hard and i try my best to look after myself, the hardest part in all this is not having much sleep, as i only get between 1and 4 hour sleep a day. I know that if he doesnt stop drinking then the worst will happen and i am preparing myself for this.

    Thankyou once again.

  • You poor are doing your best.what is the can take a horse to water..

    What i mean is you can only put the offers of help etc in place but only he can decide to use it.

    I think your own sanity has to be your top priority now.if he is on a determined self destruct you must protect yourself.

    Have you got friends /family you can go to without him...perhaps gradually increase the time you spend away ftom him for your own preservation.much love cazer.x

  • hi ty cazer ..i knew what you mean and agree..I go out most mornings for a few hours while he is sleeping, or sometimes i go to the beach and sit and just watch the waves go in and out,and drift into my own little world, ive worked out how to think of the place i want to be and imagine me being there and doing what i want to do without a care in the world. i live 10 min walk to there.I relaid to him the story of my mum , she was an alcoholic and smoked alot (just like he does)and she gave them both up 4 years ago (me and my mum didnt have a relationship but my sister kept me updated on her, ) anyway she passed away in june 2015 in agony even on the evening of her passing away she cried out in pain and died of complete organ failure due to the abuse she done on her body of drink and smoking,his reaction was well she shouldnt have given up because it killed her anyway,,..

  • He really has no idea of anyone does he and an answer for everything!!!

    Your calm place sounds great and well done to you for finding ways of coping.unfortunately bar leaving completely you are stuck with the situation.i suppose you could try spending more time on you have to do much for him?


  • No he doesnt, oh he thinks he has an answer for everything. Yeah i agree and believe me i have come very close to leaving him, but i love him so much, i have no idea where i find the strength to carry on being with him but it comes from some where..I used to do alot for him, eg clean up for him because he would complain there wasnt enough room on the table because it was full of mess (mainly his) but now i say if it bothers you that much you clean it, he said i cant, i said well i cant either, i used to help him get dressed but i let him struggle and if he falls over drunk which is a few times a week i i used to help him up now i just watch him struggle to get up and stare at him ,even be sarcastic by saying having fun there are we? so the answer is i used to have to do alot for him, now the only thing i will do is cook for him if he ever wants to eat because i dont trust him in my kitchen..

  • OMG Lyn, so sorry about your mum, and the dying in agony; could they not have at least have given her morphine, so she would drift away in peace and without pain! There is a fine line between it not being too late to give up and it being too late to give up/ or, even if seemingly it appears too late; there is always hope! I am glad that you are able to get away and go to the beach/ sea/ have some peaceful time xxx

  • Ty susie, my mum was on steroids before she died (not sure how long before) which caused her to bloat out, she had both bags fitted for both toilet needs,was on oxegyn 24/7 and all because of her drinking and smoking, the day she died, she said she didnt feel good and my brother suggested she lay down for a bit so he helped her to bed , he was sitting in the sitting room and he heared my mum shouting in pain,he went into check on her and gave her some pain killers, he left to go to the shop and my step father rang him half an hour later to say mum had passed away , my step father said that my mum was shouting in pain again and when he got to the bedroom (he walks on crutches) she had died.She was only 72. I have shared this with hubby and he said how do you know you werent talking to her, i said because i was told and why would they lie? he is a typical it will never happen to me.You are right there is always hope and i agree i think even if he stops drinking now there is hope but he if he isnt willing to give it up now after being ill for months and getting worse and everyone that knows him commenting how ill he looks then i think the time he does give it up will be too late....Yeah i love going to the beach or the park that is close by, it helps me see that there is more to life than looing after hubby ;)..

  • He also may be drinking just to deal with coming to terms with this disease. I remember how I felt when informed of my liver condition. I remember driving home alone from the hospital thinking how I did not want my family to remember me that way. If I had been a drinker I would have tied one on!!

    He has used alcohol his whole life to escape dealing with reality and probably knows no other way to cope. It's so very sad because when he gets sick enough he won't be able to drink and when that cloud in his brain clears it will probably be to late.

  • ty nhaamor, he is in denial of him having decompensated liver , he says the dr never said that my liver is just slightly damaged, he drinks because all he can think of is getting his next drink down him, I laid across his lap this afternoon and we both started talking about the things we used to do and talk about and how much i loved him and half way through me talking to him he started pushing me off him, i said what you doing ? he said trying to get a drink, this obviiously hurt me and i got off him fighting the tears, he said whats wrong with you? i said oh nothing just carry on drinking, and i switched off and watched tv. Well im done caring if he stops or not now, i love him to bits and ill be there for him but its up to him now, he is a grown man who knows what he is doing...I hope your ok now?

  • OMG; Thats awful. You poor thing xxx

  • i know susie. Its hard when he isnt the man he was when i met him 4 years ago, hes changed the last few weeks since he has deteorated.

  • It has always been up to him. I benefited greatly going to Al-non. It teaches you behaviors you can use with an addict. They don't claim that you will ever be able to make him stop but teach a new way for you to take care of yourself. Good luck. Hang in there. I'll be praying for you.

  • Ty . I was given their leaflet by my nurse today but they are too far for me but she found simular one closer to me to get to....Im not a fan of being prayed for but ty anyway..

  • Hi Chris, thankyou ever so much for your kind message, I agree he is committing suicide gradually, He has started feeling better (considering what he was like ) which i dont understand not that im complaining because he is still continuing to drink the same,He thinks that he can continue drinking and will live, if i have said to him its killing you , he says i know plenty of people that drink more than me and they are still alive, he is in denial.

    If i am honest if it was someone else telling me the story i would say leave him, i wouldnt put up with it , but i do, i guess it shows what a strong bond someone has when they love someone.I did loose it with him big time last week, and he seems to be better in the way he is with me, the last few days have been a laugh and it is like i have the man back that i first met.There are one or two issues that hurt like mad but its something to expect from someone who is an alcoholic.I have been told i am a strong woman, i was married for 28 years before my husband now and this is nothing compared to the hell i went through with my ex.


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