Thankyou all for your replies to morning status, my head is all over the place and i cant reply to them one at a time, dont worry i have read them all.
Someone mentioned me having a different room i could go to in my place, i cant because we live in a large studio flat which means the bedroom and sitting room is in one. My daughter is like the way she is with me not because she sees what i go through but because she can be mean, she was like it with me way before i met hubby.
Hubby went to see a freind about something yesterday which is 2 min walk from my flat, he came back 15 mins later telling me he almost fell over, i told him he cant go out on his own no more its not safe.
His brother rang him yesterday afternoon to ask how his bd went and he told him about him sleeping for 36 hours, about his fall, about how ill he feels , his brother suggested he go to the hospital and not through his drs, come 10 pm hubby was drunk and asking me what i thought of what his brother suggested, i said to him its a great idea, and he went on and on asking me the same question , i know he cant help it because his memory is scrambled but its too much sometimes, in the end he said im going to take his advice, i said well im glad your listening to someone because you havent listened to me, then he went on about how i dont care and his brother does (the booze talking). He was so drunk he missed the table with his glass of whiskey and coke and it went all over the carpet. I went into the bathroom and bawled my eyes out, ive had enough of not just his attitude but the fact he has no care about how my flat is getting ruined. After getting into bed , he went on and on about his brothers advice and i snapped and shouted thats it when i come back from town tommorow you are going into the hospital,
I went to town with my daughter early this morning and came back,woke him up and asked how he was feeling, he said my stomach hurts and the pain in my legs have traveled to my thighs now as well, i said ok lets get you to the hospital and he replied ill leave it today and go to the doctors in the morning.
I said you even going to get up today? he said yeah in abit,
I give up, im not nagging him to get up or go to the hospital ,if he moans about his legs im going to ignore him, might sound mean but its been 14 months of constant sickness,pain,sleepless nights.. I have started to get support which is nice.
I have read that things that are going on with hubby are end stage liver failure but i dont know. My head is scrambled.
OMG you cant even go to another room! Ahh re your daughter. Why doesn't the brother come round and try and do something? i don't blame you for having had enough; its crazy what you are putting up with for so long; its up to you of course, but id have a chat to the brother, say you have had enough and someone else needs to do something xx
ty susie.Unfortunatly his brother is never avalaiable because he works long and hard hours, he is in a very demanding job,and has his own kids over the weekend.
I did suggest hubby go stay with his brother for a few hours one time and he went mad with me being paranoid thinking i was seeing another man and wanted him out of the way., is he real ones bad enough lol. I know what he is afraid of and thats if he ends up in the hospital they will discover something bad, so he either struggles in pain and not walk or goes in,, the balls in his court.
Hubby is in bed and my son is coming to help me put my christmas decos up later. So Its time to shut out the bad thoughts,stress and anger and have a good time with my son playing christmas music and decorating the flat.
Thanx catfish, was fun, hubby slept all the way through while me and my son put the decos up singing along to christmas songs. took us 3 hours in all lol..
Hi Lyn , sorry I didn't see your morning post , not Been to check all the emails and messages I have . Will take me all night to get though them .. So still the same old record then Hun . I don't know what to suggest anymore other than get someone with you and both take him to hospital . He is not going to go the Drs .. You and I both know that because he does not want to stop drinking . I would have lost my temper too if I were in your shoes so don't feel and guilt for doing so . We can only put up with so much before we begin to suffer too . I'm glad you had a nice afternoon with your son , that's just what you need and more of it I say . Glad your getting support now Hun . You carry on and do what you want to do this evening .. Let him stay in bed if that's what he wants . You know what to do if you need me .. Linda X
Thanx linda, your a star, Yeah same old with him, just think he is getting worse and maybe at the point where hes given up anyway, one of his freinds rang him an hour ago and i woke him up because im not his secretary and he said tell him im dead, i said not t a nice thing to say, i gave him the phone and walked away.
Your right he wont go to the doctors and if by some miracle he does then he wont go into hospital,and he will say his usual they dont know what they are talking about.
Im leaving him in bed,if he chooses to get up then so be it but i doubt it..Not arguing anymore with him, as i told the dr if or when something happens to him, i dont want the last memories be of me and him argueing.
Hi Lyn , well how are things today Hun ? or need I ask , I hope you Contact al anon today , have you looked to see if they have an online support group ? I bet you they have . Well that's an awful thing to hear your hubby say about being dead ! But that's the alcohol that has taken over his whole way of life now . Well good for you for Taking no more crap . I know it's hard Hun but it's called tough love .. Just be there for him but you get on with your own life . maybe just maybe if you are not at his beck and call it might hit home ... I'm ok thank you .. Still a bit of a bad Tummy but have Drs Friday .. You know what to do if you need me. 😊❤️ Linda
Lynn, if he went to AA it would be for his alcoholism, if you went to Al-anon, it would be because the inevitable has happened, you have become codependent. This morning in this note here you sound stronger, you seem to understand a bit the role you are playing. Its not your fault, it happens to anyone living with an alcoholic. Maybe you could just get a copy of the Big Book from AA and an Al-anon book from them too. Your life has value too. Its not wrong for you to stop and look after yourself, its the wisest thing to do. There is a chance in a billion he will quit drinking before he dies. You are having to manage a huge mess. Thats just typical with the disease of alcoholism. Maybe tell your daughter to leave you alone unless she can help you in some way. Tell her you are doing the best you can for everyone. The alcoholic sure draws a huge audience and manipulates them at his will. I hope that helps.
Thankyou catfish, you are so right in everything you are saying, and i agree he wont give the alcohol up before he dies, i am doing all i can for him and i cant do anymore. I dont see my daughter that often even though she is only down the road, i did see her last week and thats when she made the comment well if he is going to die i hope its not christmas eve or christmas day because that would spoil everything. how you doing yourself??
I am in a deep resting spell right now. I am still adjusting to the news that my doctors do not expect for me to live much longer. I go in to be drained on friday. Lynn you are very good to your husband. Make sure you treat yourself very well, enjoy every moment life offers you. Keep your friends close. Aloha
Hi Lynn I have just read this post and your morning post as well...
And I hope you don't take offence or anyone reads this and takes wrong way but people just seem to be avoiding the real response... why are you putting up with this and worst of all suffering so much in the process??? you can't stop your husband drinking, you can't change your daughters attitude, you really need to get a back bone hunni and kick them both out, pair of them are abusing your kind and sensitive nature...
If he was helping himself I could understand why you would stick by him but you are basically just watching him killing himself and I am sorry but you wouldn't watch him swallow a bottle of pills without contacting emergency services!! my husband got sick and tired of being my carer after 4 years and I wasn't an alcoholic, when I was poorly in intensive care early this year, he informed me he had started divorce proceedings... Yes I was livid at time and after a week or so he came back to see me, he explained my personality had changed and way I was treating him, he knew it was disease he wanted a divorce from, but he said you make an effort to get through a day so why can't you make an effort to be nice to me!!
You see it costs us nothing to make the effort... and achieves a hell of a lot.
As for your daughter she is 32 for God's sake why she still at home, and why do you put up with her dis respecting you so much, your not doing her or yourself any favours, life is too short to live it like you are....
I will leave it on if you honestly think your husband would try and give up alcohol eventually then carry on.
But if you know in your heart and head the truth, then why are living with a zombie, you are not getting anything out of this relationship but heartache and grief!!
And I sincerely apologise for being blunt I am not intending to upset or hurt you but you deserve a good life x
Hi, I do agree with Jojo....you do not have to be the victim anymore. Does your daughter also live in your studio flat? Where does she sleep....there is no space for you all. It is so hard for you.....I am from UK so I would call an ambulance for your husband if he falls again should it be in your flat, probably it is not the same in the States....but just to get him to hospiral us a starr.....but dont live like this anymore..if he is abusive and you cant sleep, can you stay at your sons? Another family member or a friend. Most of us on this site are quite ill and what we would give to have a full life again.,,please don't throw yours away, all the very best.
i can understand your bluntness but i am upset and in tears over what i have read, i thought this was a support page not a judgement page, i was brought up to believe in what i believe in and i will not leave my husband because when i said my vows i meant them, when i said for better or worse,in sickness and in health i meant it.They werent just words they were from my heart, Im not walking out on a man i love just because things have gotton rough, no i wouldnt watch him take a loud of pills and not do anything about it, but taking pills and having an addiction for over 30 years are completely different.
My daughter is not living with me, she has a place of her own with her own family ,So i dont know where you got she is living with me just because she made those comments.
I must have it wrong i thought this page was for support and a place to vent but this is clearly for people who are sick or have family who are sick and are coping with it and just need extra support. So i guess there is no point in me coming on here and venting how things are because my husband wont give up the drink and is killing himself and i wont leave him then i shouldnt be on here. Dont worry i wont take anymore of any ones time up by posting on here anymore.
I wish you all well and hope that everyone gets the help and support they need.
Lynn, this is your life to figure out not anyone's here on this forum. I have read some tough comments here to you this morning. I am sorry you feel hurt from them but its still the holidays, none of us live in your neighborhood or life or truly have any idea of your life. I would have walked out on him. I would let him lie in the street crying but lynn, I am not you. This is your life not ours. Its not true people here are not speaking the truth when supporting you. I said he was alcoholic and you co- dependent then afterwards you went on and did the right thing, had a great time with your son. Dying of liver disease is nasty literally. Some of the same things happen to us that happen to infants and babies, we cannot eat, we urinate on ourselves, we do not make it to the bathroom in time to eliminate, and the list goes on and on. Then there is the anger of the dying only we can confront. There is nothing pretty about this death. Someone has to step in and take care of the dying. If you want to call about getting him into detox you will. You came here looking for support, you are getting stronger, now you seem determined to make the most of your holiday. Do that and stay here with us to see how our holiday goes. I have been pushed around here, even bullied. Ignore them, they do not run your life. Just feed him, help him bathe, he will never drink long as he passes out from chucking back as much as possible so let him then he can be sound asleep. It takes time to figure out such a hard situation, everyday something changes. I will think of you today out shopping or wrapping gifts. Maybe if he is ugly to you, you can take a walk. If he can risk dying from chucking back a bottle of vodka then you can take a risk of him living or dying while you have a mind clearing walk. Aloha
Hi Lyn did you call the peeps your doc gave you the number for? If not pls call them, if they are carers then you will get a little respite.
Love the fact your sons helping with the tree and decs! Christmas music always makes me feel happy - reminds me how special Christmas was when I was a kid...
Has your hubby's colour changed hun? Has he has any blood tests? It may be through the doc, the district nurse could visit and take some just to indicate how poorly he actually is.
My hubby last 2 weeks from muscle wastage. He never fell over but he was shuffling not walking in the end.
Bless you Lyn, you've put up with so much and the inevitable will happen which means you'll have other difficult matters on your plate.
Stay strong and keep posting, we're all here for you x
Hi lyn ..your life almost mirrors mine and nobody understands that its a 24 hour job .. I'm so sorry for your situation and hope it improves soon x my hubby is a full blown alcoholic and has wrecked my life ..but I've allowed him to do it ..we've been together for 26 years and he's like a member of my family.. people who have not been in this situation themselves do not understand how hard it is .. chin up as your doing great deb x
Omg am sorry but I just read replies after my comment and I am sorry but no way are they helpful....
Your being an enabler at moment and as other lady commented it has ruined her Life seriously is that what you want for yourself!!
And listening to someone who in the middle of his own demons now that would just be idiotic, and I do understand how hard it is to give something up I have done over 5 years ago, I went through the sweats, sleepless nights, nightmares, shaking, no appetite, lethargy....
I didn't give two shits how anyone else in my life was feeling he doesn't think about anyone but himself you or anyone else will ever convince him to give up alcohol it's all down to him... if he doesn't care about his life why should you!!!
Living in a studio flat with someone with ESLD must be awful.
It does sound like ESLD.
You should be aware that when he doesn't get up and doesn't feel like it, he is probably extremely fatigued and it is more like "can't" than "won't".
I've never spoken to Al-Anon but that sounds like a really good idea, and do let us know if they are effective. My boyfriend was a heavy drinker, but not an alcoholic, I had an ex who was an alcoholic and I wish I'd spoken to Al Anon then.
It seems the wrong time to also define your relationship with your daughter, and I would think before saying anything to her how much the stress of the rest of your life is affecting your reaction to her. It may not be at all, but when I'm annoyed and stressed other things that wouldn't normally annoy me become a problem.
Hi Lyn. Some good advice and support here but I agree dealing with your husband's situation is your priority. The relationship with your daughter is for the back burner. Is there any chance you can get the Dr to make a house call? It might force the issue and if the doc is on your side, which appears to be the case, could they not get him admitted to hospital for tests and a reality check? It's easy for those looking in to make judgements and suggestions but you have to deal with it day to day. No easy task clearly but I do agree you need to start thinking about what's good for you too and the status quo definitely isn't . Maybe you just want to get Christmas over with but it's unlikely to be a joyous occasion from his track record so perhaps now is the time to make a decision that has you at the centre of it rather than him.
Best of luck.
Thankyou all for your love and support and good advice , This will be my last update and comment on here about hubby, I know i left before but thats because i didnt want to burden anyone else with my problems and so it seems i have been and i wont be coming back ,anyway he didnt get to the hospital he didnt get to the drs, his legs arent as swollen but they are still painfull, he still isnt eating but regardless to what is going on with him and what its doing to me i will always be there for him , i will always be his rock.
I think one or two on here have been harsh in their words , and if im honest i wouldnt want to be counciled by them with their attitude. but it is an open forum and everyone is entitled to their opions.
All the best to you all for the future.
in reply to
You can't say you have suicidal thoughts then get annoyed when people react and want to put you first. As someone who suffers a lot from suicidal thoughts it hits me hard when others struggle with them to. like you said everyone's entitled to there opinion so good luck.
Believe me I am not angry at anyone how could I be...
Everyone has different opinions and ethics and if people are not prepared to hear different opinions then don't ask the question...
I have spoken to friends who were alcoholics and even they admitted they had to hit rock bottom and lose everything before they even thought about giving up.
I understand she loves him and she took her vows seriously, I admire that.
I just hoping she can handle what the future brings, I also apologised on the post for my bluntness I am not on here to upset anyone, but she also deserves happiness..
And if you must know me and my husband are happier than ever I wasn't addicted to anything it was just complications off cirrhosis, he knew I was and had done everything I possibly could to get on transplant list!
Its odd you came at her so hard she has left us. You never even had the same problem as she has. It was brutal what you wrote or I would have felt brutalized if anyone came at me like you did her.
Please don't take this out on Jo-Jo, yes she was blunt and she apologised and said up front that she was going to be. She was caring for Lyn in the situation she found herself in - it's hard to help everyone all the time or to know exactly what to say to help. We all felt powerless and were powerless to help her whilst her man was abusing the lady either meaningfully or due to his illness.
Poor Lyn, yes, she is doing everything she can for a man whose addiction is both killing him and destroying the life they could have lived. Yes it might be his addiction and he might be powerless to do anything about it BUT he has had all the support in the world from doctors and a loving wife but is either unwilling or unable to see what is staring him in the face.
Jo-Jo at the end of the day has tried to offer support. She herself is just post transplant and maybe it did come across as too rough HOWEVER let's not now attack another valuable member of the forum who herself has come here for support and to give advice to others - we don't want anyone else leaving.
I also wish you all the love in the world Catfish.
Katie, I no more attacked her than she did lynn. I am very ill so I am not into anyone's opinions here. I am here b/c I learn things about my disease from others. Clearly she is tough enough to take what I said with a grain of salt. It was lynn who was breaking.
In the hope that despite deleting your profile you may look back on here I have found your posts very helpful as although our circumstances are different in lots of ways, there are also many similarities. Whilst I would understand if you felt you had to walk away I greatly admire anyone who believes "in sickness and in health".
Whatever you want to think but I apologised for being blunt and people need the truth doctors or consultants don't sugar coat anything, and you can't blame me for one person leaving she is an adult and responsible for her own choices, she had plenty of supportive comments it's just people can't handle the truth!!
I am not mean or selfish it's a complete joke all this you all commenting to me are actually doing what you have accused me off but I had an actually apology in my comments for my bluntness... I have supported and give encouragement to plenty of people who have needed it. people may not agree with what I put but I am not giving the woman false hope and that is what she was after.
If you don't agree ignore it because as you and someone else has pointed out she has left for now.
You did apologise up front for comments that you knew were going to come across as blunt. It's a great pity Lyn was stuck in the rut she was with a man either unable or unwilling to accept his situation. It is a great pity she left because I think she was getting good advice from the forum and the opportunity to vent even though none of us had the capacity to turn her life around.
I have backed you up above as we don't now want people attacking you for providing the advice you did.
Thanks Katie I am not here to push people away at all. I hope she will come back once everything has settled.
As I said she had plenty of positive support as well but I do get upset when someone isn't helping themselves I know alcoholism is a disease, but majority of people who are informed something is killing them, they make a change you have too, and I felt for Lynn having to live the way she is not knowing if when she wakes up in morning if her husband going to be alive or not it's no way for anyone to live x
Hi jojo , hope you are keeping well after your transplant, I think it is admirable that you take the time to offer advice or opinions when you are still recovering yourself, take care 💜
Hi lynn , I've only just joined this forum and it sounds as though you are one step up from where I am now , I'm sorry that you've left as I think we would have connected rather well given our situations ( albeit I don't think I'm going to stick around forever ) . I don't cry anymore , I haven't cried for a couple of years , I just feel exasperated, and lonely ! I have great children who all think I should leave him , they've seen everything now of course , his children are lovely but they let me get on with it . I don't blame them , they have their own lives , i would quite like a bit of support from them but they rely on me to hold it all together .
I really feel for you lynn , it's a lonely frustrating world living with an alcoholic , it's not for everyone but for me the antidepressants have really worked . I function well , I feel calmer and I have a better sense of clarity , it's only since taking them that I know I have to leave , quite how I go about it though is a whole other mess .
Please don't get disheartened by some of the other replies , although forums are good for advice , their lives are not yours , only you can live your life and only you truly know what is and isn't possible . I sound quite calm but actually realistically my life is a mess - I have some dark days ahead xx
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like you said everyone's entitled to there opinion so good luck. 
New to group need help I'm so Scared
Hubby update, saw Hepatology Registrar 
I've been having so much pain
So scared
