Reminding myself to love life and starting to trust my legs a bit

[Equi-geek]

It’s Saturday, so it’s ParkRun day 👏 ... except first thing this morning I wasn’t sure I wanted to go... 😔 then I read a post on the C25k forum from someone who was going through the same familiar feeling I had gone through with swimming and that had started to creep into my head today: talking myself out of it - or not able to talk myself INTO it.

I commented on C25k about forgetting stats and just finding the privilege and happiness of being alive an able to run - and I realised I was talking to myself too. It was fear of failure, and I know the trigger.

Because I had found a faster gear the other day during an interval run, and found I could keep jogging after that faster pace too, I’d decided to try a slightly faster start pace this morning and trust my legs more. But that scared me. It risked running out of energy and walking. This was the feeling that was blocking me - running faster and making a mistake.

So the conscious brain needed to intervene and explain to my sub-conscious that I am learning with every run. And learning may mean doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, but that’s ok because otherwise we never know. I preach all the time to riders about not punishing ‘mistakes’ a horse might make, and I needed to give myself that permission too.

So I started quicker, not ‘tempo’ but faster than my usual shuffle. I trusted my legs. It felt harder than usual. I told myself that was totally expected 🙄 but even though it was harder, it was still ok. I had to slow down for the 4th km which was an uphill gradient. It would have been OK to walk, I had no problem with that, but I kept going at my old shuffle pace, recovered my breathing, and then the last km matched the first one.

I finished the last half km at a fast pace (for me), with ridiculously comfortable breathing, loving the warmth of the sun, the feeling of the breeze, the fresh air under the trees, the encouragement of the other runners and Marshalls, the wonderful feeling of appreciating what my body CAN do - rather than hating it for what it can’t do - and no pain anywhere 😲 I was more pleased with how well I felt at then end than my time...

... but I smashed my PB anyway! 👍

[jeffbird Graduate10]

This is a great post. I identify with a lot of this, knowing what you can do and trusting yourself is hard.

I love park runs, the support is amazing. Congratulations on your new PB, enjoy your success!

[Equi-geek Graduate10 in reply to jeffbird]

Thanks Jeffbird, I need to keep reminding myself to be curious 👍

[mountaindreamer Graduate10]

Well done on getting out there this morning, Equi-geek! And a new PB to boot!! 👍🏃‍♀️🎉❤️😊

[Equi-geek Graduate10 in reply to mountaindreamer]

Thanks mountaindreamer!

[GoGo_JoJo Graduate10]

Fantastic 👏 you won both the mental and physical battles. That's what life is for! 👍💪😁🌟

[Equi-geek Graduate10 in reply to GoGo_JoJo]

I learned a lot about myself today and surprised myself too. So glad I found this forum and running

[Hidden]

Well done. It’s all a learning curve, and you seem to know yourself well and how to get past the many barriers. They do get lessin time, honestly x

[Equi-geek Graduate10 in reply to Hidden]

That’s good to know, thanks FlickM3 😁

[linda9389 Graduate10]

Brilliant, well done. There's a lot to think about in this post, thank you 🙂

[Jay66UK Graduate10]

Great run, great insight. Your body is the horse and you are both the instructor and student rider. 👏👏👏

[telford_mike Graduate10]

Nice post. I'll be feeling the same emotions on Saturday, assuming I can get out of bed that is. I tried to go faster today and I did, by a measly 15 seconds per kilometre. My Wednesday run this week is only 3k, so will have another go.

[Equi-geek Graduate10 in reply to telford_mike]

That’s over a minute off a 5k! That’s pretty good, Mike, by any standards! Enjoy your shorter run. I am doing a steady 20mins tomorrow.