Feeling down this evening

I've never posted here before I don't think. I feel like a bad parent...I lost my sweet boy to stillbirth over 2 years ago. I don't go to his grave enough, it just hurts too much and it makes me feel absolutely horrible. The want for another, also makes me feel bad. Like I'm not trying to replace him in no way,but it makes me feel bad like I am. I found out his gender right after I went into labor for him that morning at 14 weeks gestation. It's something I've never truly grieved right or healed from still. I know it wasn't my fault , but I'll always blame myself and never forgive myself for not doing enough

[chloe40 Administrator]

Welcome Hidden

I really feel for you, such a sad situation.

I am going to reply again this afternoon x

Chloe

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi again Hidden

You are in know way responsible for the stillbirth of your child. I totally understand why you feel that way, it's only natural, and while you will always have a certain sadness in your heart, you will find acceptance one day.

Please try not to feel guilty about trying to conceive, I really hope that you will feel able to when you are ready.

I went through the same, and whilst I felt as you did, the need to try again was very urgent for me, and I was successful x

Please do keep in touch.

Chloe x

[Hidden in reply to chloe40]

Thank you Chloe. It's a hard thing to heal from. I'm sorry you went through it also. It's something I wish no one understood in a way...but I'm glad I'm not alone at the same time if that makes sense. I'm trying to heal, and let go of certain people who are no good for me. I know I need to, but can't bring myself to. I have no one, and lost so many friends due to a horrible relationship. I'm still with said person, but it's hard to leave for some reason

[Caza]

I don’t go to graves enough, do I feel guilty no. I keep my lost loved ones deep in my heart always with me. Are you trying to replace your lost child no not at all. This child maybe a different gender almost certainly a different personality. Whether we like it or not life moves on. Your unborn child would’ve had a sibling I’m assuming , that’s a tribute & a way of keeping them alive. Don’t feel guilty just carry them in your heart. Take care x

[Hidden in reply to Caza]

Thank you ❤️. I've lost 2. Got pregnant with my boy 4 months after my first miscarriage. And it was too soon but I got attached and so excited. To lose him too 😔. I'm scared of it happening again, but I yearn for just a healthy one ❤️‍🩹. I'll always keep their memories alive. I talk about my boy just about daily. And I still mention my first pregnancy too. I was 20 when I lost both. I know I shouldn't dwell on it, but I can't help but to relive those days alot 💔. I sometimes see it all over again, occasionally have nightmares that feel too real..and it's like I can't talk to no one here about it(talking about family), they just tell me to stop dwelling and move on. If it was that simple...