Death will never let go of me.

[Senior4merEverything]

My life has a hole left in it by the death of my wife, and I know it will never be filled!

My task is to find ways to live with and around the pain. I'm not an emotional health genius, but I have worked hard for a long time now just to want to open my eyes to see another day! Most of the energy I had to do this, was due to knowing that the special woman in my life, was worth seeing again.

Now, she's gone, and I'm here, feeling like hell has descended on me like a tidal wave.

I'm in bad shape, and I'm doing what I can.

right now, death has me in a stranglehold, and it's not letting go!

[Nathalie99]

I am deeply sorry and terribly sad, 4merBassistMedic.

Those waves, they are very tough.

We are here, sometimes a presence, knowing that others are thinking of you might bring even a temporary relief.

Even 5 seconds is something.

I know distracting may not be most productive but given the enormous pain, it can help make it through.

Puzzles, reading, anything to bring the focus on temporarily. I remember a few years ago I talked to friends for a few minutes and almost "forgot" for like 5 seconds.

Wishing you comforting thoughts and peace.

[Sandradsn]

I'm so sorry 4merBassistMedic that you are so sad and grieving so deeply.I wish I could say something to make you feel better.We are here for you if you want to let out your feelings.You've probably heard it before but take a day at a time,don't try to think too far ahead.

Missing someone is the hardest thing ,I hope you have family or friends for support.

[Caza]

I hear you. It’s so hard. No words of wisdom. Just distraction exercise routine diet & being kind to yourself Take care x

[littlestarsmum]

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, friend. My heart ached as I read your post. Losing a special person is very hard, and the impact of such a loss is deep. It’s important to let yourself go through the process and give yourself as much time as you need. I’d suggest that you talk to a grief counselor and find a support group nearby. Please take good care of yourself. You might want to check out the book: When You Lose Someone You Love by Richard Exley. Sending hugs & prayers your way.

[ScooterJoe]

Oh my gosh, I am right where you are now too. I lost my husband to cancer March 2nd--a little over a week after our 49th wedding anniversary. I say lost but when I go to the cemetery and see that fresh mound of dirt, I know where the voice I used to look forward to hearing is, as are the hands I used to hold and the cheek I looked forward to being near to smell the cologne. 'Lost' says something I've misplaced, but it's me that can't be found. It's everything about my life, my direction--it's not right for me to laugh without him or to get up each day when I know I won't be seeing him. I am a person of faith and a believer in God all my life. And I know God's will is perfect and that he makes no mistakes. I am not angry with God but I just ask why why when he was so active and busy living. Why not me? I would have gone in his place. I wasn't with him to tell him I love him or tell him goodbye. I pray that I'll run out of tears when I see his picture or try to move his shoes that are still under the kitchen table. And I can't find a shirt or a hat or a jacket that I can get close to and remember how he smelled.

[Senior4merEverything in reply to ScooterJoe]

I am so sorry for your loss. People respond differently to these situations, but one thing I believe is a consistent and identical aspect, is the pain.

My God, this pain!