Trauma of being there at last heartbeat

[workinternet]

Im still broken 1 year on after death of hubby. The trauma of the countdown to his last heartbeat in icu in hospital im still devasted. It still doesnt feel real but i know it is. Hes with me strong in everything i do every single day. This will never change we are soulmates. I didnt realise that life is so cruel. This is the price of true love. Has anyone had the same experience. Thank you and my love and thoughts to you all xx

[chloe40 Administrator]

A warm welcome workinternet

Yes, I'm sure many of our members have experienced similar to yourself. We all have a different set of circumstances but the outcome is the same, which is why sharing our pain, our emotions here help each other.

We all need support to help us through and I do hope you find solace here with us.

Every loss is traumatic as was yours and I really feel for you. It's so difficult when you loss a loved one but they are always in our hearts, mind and memories.

Have you tried making a memory box? it does help a little.

Chloe <3

[kenster1 Volunteer]

I was with my dad at the end it was hard going but I`m glad I was even though it was difficult. my son was already gone missed my mums and that broke me up. I`m sorry for your loss and hope you find some comfort being here and that you have sought support in helping you through difficult times. god bless and take care.

[Millah]

Hello, so sorry for your loss. Virtual hug. I can relate but for me it was taking care of my beloved mom who had lung cancer and didn't want to go into the hospital but wanted to die at home where she felt more at peace.i had a nursing background so when she was first diagnosed and not too bad at that time, she asked me if I would take care of her at home. Intold her if course mom. It was very difficult as time.went on. I had left my own life. I was ok w that. Dad couldnt handle her diag and kept acting like she was going to recover and denied her reality. I wore a lot of hats and decided I would be her rock no matter what. I did everything for her, everything. Meds, bathing, picked out a few wigs for her as I watched her lose her beautiful Farrah Fawcett's hairstyle, I made up my mind early on that I would not show her how hard it was on me no matternehat... I would just get through, be her rock and then after her passing dealmw myself and aftermath. As she got sicker and sicker, at one point she told me she had decode against me taking care of her til themed and had reevaluated and decidedntongonto hospice ...I told her I knew she was trying to protect me as things w her were starting to deteriorate very quickly. Intold her I appreciated her trying to protect me but I was NOT going Anywjere and w that and here awesome sense of humor she took a deep breath and said oh, thank god!! We both had a chuckle and the night she passed , I recognized the signs. I prayed over her. She was semi comatose and unable to speak as inwas giving her the meds the doc and visiting nurse wanted me to. That last night I td alked tonher and told her I hoped one day to make her proud of me andnthat I would look after dad and asked her to always stay around me if she could. Intold her how much I loved her and told her her if she needed to go I understood and understood that knowing her she may be holding on suffering afraid of me being around if she had to go. I told her I loved her more than anything and she needed to not suffer and try to stay if she needed ti go. She let out a little tear which I wiped from her eyes andnthen I saw her take her last breath, and she was gone. I know sometimes our loved ones can hang on when they are suffering and knew my mom well. So, I feel she needed that permission to let go. It was really really hard for me but I knew it was even harder for her to let go especially knowing how sensitive and empathetic I am. So she passed and of course I had a really hard time w it. That was back in 2002 and I'm still haunted of those last moments like it happened yesrerday.. as traumatizing as it was, I also felt honored to fulfill her last request to have her daughter take care of her those last 3 months by her side 24/7 and her doing w me right by her how telling her how much I loved her. You gave your husband the best gift, you were w him in his last moments w his soulmate, the person he loved most, truly a gift to him but I understand the trauma it leaves you w. I understand. I'm sure he is still w you everyday