So much to say. So little time...3

[Jennblank7734]

Things have been so crazy the last 2-3 weeks that my life was being centered around anxiety and depression. This is the room I came and joined first. Here's where things are at with Gustavo.

I knew right away we'd get close again. I wanted to so I'd have more chances, better chances, to bring him a little happiness if I could.

From February 20th until 2-3 weeks ago, we didn't talk much or often. I still would go sit on Google messages and check on him each day. I'd tell him to get up, keep going, fight. Id tell him about my day. Id make sure he knew how much I missed him. I never skipped a day. So for over 4 months I did this.

After he was told he had leukemia, I invited him to come here. One of the rooms was going to be set up for a hospice at home arrangement. He turned in his resignation. He applied for and got a medical visa. He picked a flight and sent a copy of the itinerary. February 15th. Day after valentines.

He ended up not coming. I don't know why. The only thing he's answered is that he wasn't ready. I've read in a few places about how a situation like this can give you a chance to make peace over any issues you might have. I did ask him once more after he came back recently. It was obvious he didn't want to talk about it. I don't want him to feel bad or uncomfortable over it. I told him it was fine and he didn't need to explain. I didn't get as far as I forgive you, I don't feel that yet. I would like to tho.

I am sharing this to show more of our friendship. It's now beyond what I can call a friendship and I'm having a bit of a difficult time calling it what it is.

When I say he came back, I mean it as he finally started talking again. Before it was a hi a couple of times a week. A heartbreaking comment once in a while that he gave up, he was tired, or how he was just doing what they told him to and no more. When I say he came back, I also mean when he came back to me.