Loss of Lifetime best friend-question

[Naturelover58]

I first wrote on this site about a month ago. My lifetime best friend had been going through some undiagnosed mental health issues and even though I tried to support her, she had announced that she wished to take a break from the friendship about a year ago. I have respected the break and still do. As we approach the year mark, there will soon be Christmas and her birthday. I have been facing with her for a couple of years now, the feeling that regardless of what I did, it would be a "damned if I did and damned if I didn't" situation. She had asked me not to contact her, and yet I feel that if I let her birthday pass without acknowledging it, her anger will boil over-something that has caused me anxiety in previous situations over the last couple of years. On the other hand, she has told me that she doesn't wish contact from me. I have been to see a counselor and this has been quite helpful. Just not sure how to approach this upcoming birthday of hers and realizing that no matter what I do, it may not be the right thing. My friend had told me that contact from me would only be resented, as she feels that I have never supported her and after 40 years of friendship, that was a very painful blow for me.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Naturelover58

I do indeed remember your post and the dreadful situation you've been left to cope with.

From what you've told us, anything you do, may not be appreciated in the spirit it was sent, but if you feel you must not let it pass, then do send a card with a few simple words added. If she does become resentful then personally I would leave it there, whatever the reason, her feelings have changed towards you and it is very hurtful for you to keep having to cope with this sadness, it may be time to accept the situation. Of course that was a personal thought and ultimately, you must go with your own feelings.

I respect you for being such a wonderful friend, no one could have asked for more, so please cherish what you had and hope that one day she will reveal what really came between you. You have nothing to reproach yourself for <3

Chloe

[Naturelover58 in reply to chloe40]

Thank you Chloe, I've decided to do exactly that-send a note with a few general words. I can't add more than just thank you and thank you for running this site.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Naturelover58]

I'm here for everyone Naturelover58 always remember that <3

Chloe <3

[Naturelover58 in reply to chloe40]

Thankyou Chloe.

[spykey in reply to Naturelover58]

Hi Nature loverI read your previous post and this last one its a really hard situation for you and I really feel for you, I wish I could give you an answer of what is best for you to do, but I can't so I will do what I can do which is say my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love & Blessings

Spykey 🕊

[Naturelover58 in reply to spykey]

Thank you so much Spykey, I think this is a learning process for me and after 40 years of friendship, there is grief at the loss of this friendship. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

[Naturelover58 in reply to Naturelover58]

Next month, I will face a milestone birthday. I did reach out to this friend on her birthday, by sending her a brief message and she thanked me and that was that. Now, I am facing this milestone birthday and feeling some angst, as I never had wanted for our friendship to end and it appears that this is exactly what is happening. I have always known that without the benefits of a joint counselor, there was no real way of mutual resolution to the anger and accusations against me, and she has rejected that(saying that the counselor was only seeing my side of things) after one visit, so I need to carry on with my life. Every once in awhile, I do experience a mental roadblock(and in this case it is my upcoming birthday) but most of the time, I am doing okay. I guess as the milestone approaches, I find it difficult to think that there may never be a resolve to this and I just wish there had been one. Thank you for listening.

[Naturelover58 in reply to chloe40]

I have sent a comment at the bottom of this page. I'm not sure if anyone can see it, as it shows that it is a reply to myself. I hope all are doing well.