it took you to get to grips with the everyday financial concerns? I ask this on behalf of those who were never involved with this side of their relationship, but find themselves totally helpless after the loss of a partner that dealt with this side of life.
Chloe
This is a very good point. It doesn't apply to me but to all those who currently let the other person take care of everything... It's really worth taking an interest and learning what you can whilst you can.
I had to teach a lady in her eighties some years ago how to write out a cheque. Her husband had always dealt with the finances. I definately think having to ask strangers for help with seemingly easy tasks makes things harder still and chips away at the slowly emerging sense of independence.
Yes, GoGo_JoJo
I thought this is a topic that isn't really spoken about, but I feel it's absolutely vital. I was thinking about this this afternoon and it's quiet scary not knowing where to turn to for help, so many of us haven't a clue about these things and that's not always our fault but may be due to our partner, so I really hope we can come up with some resources to help males and females. The other point is that not all of us can get out to find such help either, it really worries me.
Chloe
With my mother's decline, my family decided to claim the attendance allowance at the higher rate. My sister did the paperwork and was happy to look after those new funds until she realised she would have to manage mum's pension because the powers that be thought she would not be able to cope with the allowance.
In our family, we had a clear division of labour my sister looked after mums personal and medical needs and I used to help mum with her money so it was more natural for me to look after the attendance allowance and continue to help manage her pension money and I was able to set up a separate bank account to do this. It was quite stressful reassuring my mother each Saturday that she received her pension every Saturday and we were well able to pay the bills.
One thing we did not relish was writing a yearly report for the OPG especially the financial report showing how well we managed her money. Since this went on for less than a year, it transpired that we were excused the report writing and so never quite got to grips with all aspect of looking after mum and her finances.
Our biggest financial burden was trying to understand if we would have to seel mum's house to pay for her care. Right at the end, we were forced to consider one of the new deferred payment arrangements. Here again, we considered ourselves extremely lucky when mum sadly passed away peacefully in her sleep just as this was happening. And thanks solely to her lifelong thrift she had enough money to pay her care home bills, a very lovely funeral and a generous inheritance for my sister and me with some cash and her house.
So in truth, we never got to grips with handling mum's finances and my such unbelievable luck we let off two very weighty matters.
Thanks for you reply Greyone
Apart from the sadness of your loss, you were fortunate on all counts and I'm very pleased you were.
I worry about those left without any means at all and there must be so many. What happens if you're left with nothing who helps then?
Chloe
Hi Chloe
I wonder if the DWP has a grace period before a married couple's pension is switch to a widowed persons pension and one person is then left in a drafty Edwardian semi and no longer enough to pay the bills. That sounds like something we hear on the news in winter, doesn't it?
Hopefully, we won't hear any sad news of our friends in that unenviable position. The practical side of bereavement for elderly people must be very traumatic, especially if there is no family nearby.
My sister and I count ourselves lucky in so many ways...
How do you cope with loss?
