telling a partner you have hsv

[How22]

I was diagnosed with genital herpese around 6 years ago, I had only recently become sexually active and in my first serious relationship. It completely knocked my confidence but I ended up staying in the relationship for around 3 years.. I think I was too afraid no one else would ever want to be with me but I also felt betrayed by my partner for not telling me and pushing the blame onto me. After researching and finding out my facts I later discovered his outbreaks where only mild where as my first one was horrible and painful there for he must have already been aware he had hsv.

I have recently began dating someone and things are looking really good, I am so afraid to tell him about my condition and risk ruining things but at the same time I know it's the right thing to do and that I need to be honest with him before we take things further... has anyone got any advice on how I can break the news to him??

[Kt_5991]

Being honest is the best thing to do. They will appreciate it as it's a big thing to do. Tell them the facts about it. It sounds horrible but it's quite common and simply a skin irritation! It made me feel better when I found out about the statistics and facts about herpes as people aren't aware of the virus and how it's nothing that bad! If they really like you, they'll accept it, just have to be careful if you have an outbreak as you are more contagious at that stage xx

[markh57]

I can identify with this and have posted on this in other threads.

I suggest you plan when to have this conversation and at tleast the start of what you are going to say.

I find that the best time is when sex is looking likely but before the clothes come off.

Start with "there's something awkward I need to discuss with you......" I tend to start talking about STIs in general first and tell my new partner that I get screened regularly and that i hope they do too. This makes the news about the Herpes seem a bit less of a big deal. Tell them that you have had Herpes in the past. They may or may not understand the implications so spell it out for them. I say This means that I am never truly free of it and it could flare up in the future. Thet means there might be occasions when we have adate but i refuse to have sex because I have an outbeak and I wont want t pass it on.

I also encourage them to discuss what i've said with the clinic next time they are in getting screened.

I've had this conversation with 4 new partners now and it's gone well. In every case they were initially alarmed but actually in the end appreciated the honesty and were prepared to go ahead with the relationship.

Best of luck to you.

[How22 in reply to markh57]

Thank you I am really worried about telling him, I've been single a long time and it's nice to finally find someone I click with so I just hope he likes me as much as he says he does and is willing to accept it, we did have sex around a week ago but I made him use protection and I very rarely get outbreaks, maybe once in a year so I know I'm not as contagious when I don't have the outbreaks.

Does anyone know if there is any medication you can take to lower the risk also? I think I read up something about a person in America? X

[markh57]

Having the converstaion is tough but needs to be done as discussed above.

It's a mistake to rely on condoms. I used a condom when i caught my Herpes. They only reduce the transmission rate by about 30%, which isn't good enough in my view. During an outbreak abstinence is the way to go, which means you have to be able to talk about it.

Once you've had a the initial conversation you will need to be constantly vigilant for an outbreak. My symptoms are mild so I'm paranoid about failing to notice an outbreak and infecting my partner. My advice would be to get to know what you look like in the area of the outbreaks and check any day you are expecting to have sex. Also note what the early signs of an outbreak feel like. Some people report a tingling feeling before there's anything to see.

The first couple of days of an outbreak is when you will be infective.

Herpes has already cost me one relationship, I dont want it to cost me another.