Having HSV has affected my Sex life massively even though I haven't had an outbreak for years, Scared of telling someone before hand & being rejected but scared of not saying anything & passing it on. I was diagnosed about 7 years ago after having an outbreak on my genital area after my partner at the time had cheated. I was told the results of the swabs they done at the clinic tested positive for HSV type 1, this has always confused me as most things I've read describes type 1 as cold sores etc & type 2 when the outbreaks are down below? Can anyone enlighten? Really need to overcome this or I will never have a sex life again !

15 Replies

  • Hi Changethegame!

    I was also recently diagnosed with the virus HSV 1 in my genital area. I didn't understand how that could be if that one is the "cold sore" type. I read day and night about it and also ask a lot of questions to my Dr. Apparently you can have either as cold sores or in the genital area. The virus makes no distinctions, although it is more common to have type 1 as cold sore and type two in genitals.

    I haven't had a partner since either, and to be honest I am quite scared as well... however I guess that whenever you meet someone that's worth telling this kind of stuff and that you think you really like, this won't be as scary. I am sure you can have a sex life again, as long as you are confident and know that you are worth whatever you want!

    It's not easy, but we are not alone, this is the first time I write in this blog, and even just by reading it I feel some kind of support.

    Hope this helps, and read, read a lot from reliable sources so you have all the information right about this whenever you have to tell someone. Knowing about what we have is the best way to feel less scared.


  • oh you poor thing. Don't herp control your life. I got type 2 many moons ago and i let it fuck me up with shame for about a year. I found that talking to a close friend helped me a lot. They'd even help me practice through how id tell a guy. I'm okay with what I have now and very open about it now. I found the more I talked about it the more I found out some friends have it or other conditions, which obviously took the shame away for me. Knowledge and honesty is the key for telling your prospect partner. They may turn you down. The chances are if they are worth getting with, then they like you for you, so wont reject you. The fact that you're respectful and honest enough to tell them shows them you're a good person and could be a great partner. That's how my fella responded anyway.

  • Thank you for your comments, I am not looking for a relationship to be honest, do you think it would be immoral not to tell someone before sex if you use protection? Just can't seem to get over the shame of sitting someone down & telling them

  • Even if you use protection and pass it on, you could be prosecuted by law for not for not telling them. You could go to prison for it. That's not worth it really.

  • I will just have to hope that I find someone who will be excepting of this, I was honest with 2 separate people many years ago but was rejected which has added to this mental torture! Nice to hear from others in the same position as me, I guess it's just a waiting game now only time will tell if i will be single forever

  • have you thought of going to see a therapist about this. They may be able to give you ways to cope with it and not feel so negative about meeting new people. From your statuses I think it may be a good idea. Good luck for the future.

  • Thanks Charlene I think this is definately something I would benefit from 😊

  • They say 80 percent of the population in U.K. Have it but only 50% are aware. When I was at the doctors they told me you don't have to tell everyone as long as your safe (condominium) and aren't having an outbreak but if it is a long term ..... you should as it is likely they will catch it after some time. But it most people it stays dormant

  • Really? It is definitely dorment in me as I do not have outbreaks, do u tell people before sex?

  • Well if you let saying u haven't had an outbreak in years I would say it definitely has gone dormant on you. And I wouldn't tell casual partners I'd just have safe sex (condom) but if I was looking to make something long term I would tell cause there is a possibility they may catch it and it would make a more open and honest relationship or U could just play the dumb card and act like u didn't know..... but that's if your conscience could handle that cause I know my heart wouldn't feel clean

  • im afraid the law changed on that one.

  • I Was at the sexual health clinic 4 days ago and they confirmed what I wrote above. Especially with herpes as may carry and transmit without knowledge they even have it, technically it's a skin condition.... If it's HIV OR AIDS you have to as it's actually life threatening

    Go to your GUM Clinic and get more Info before scaring people (Y)

  • metro.co.uk/2011/08/16/davi...

    docs may know medical care but not law

  • And you charlene86 are speaking without knowing what you are talking about. That man only went to jail because HE PLEADED GUILTY. Otherwise he would have NEVER gotten a sentence, as it's not possible to prove who you have gotten your herpes from unless yo are a virgin. Blood test are also unreliable nearly half of the time. Furthermore, he had hsv2. Hsv1 is DIFFERENT, and 70% of the population has it. There NO WAY anyone ever would end up in jail for hsv1. If that was the case, 70% of the population should be in prison.

  • 70% of people have type 1 herpes!!!!! Just to be clear to people that won't do their own research- ORAL HVS 1 is up to 4 TIMES MORE CONTAGIOUS THAN GENITAL HSV 1. Yet, people with oral type 1, even if they know cold sores are herpes, do not care and ARE NEVER EVER TOLD TO DISCLOSE , or made feel like they should for moral reasons, even though they are the ones responsible for basically all the genital hsv1 infections!!!!!! So Changethegame, you have in NO WAY to disclose, unless you feel like you want to. Please do not buy into the stigma. I am mentioning real stats and data. Do not listen to ignorant people and live your life, like 70 % of the world with the same thing as you does without giving it a second thought!!! Big hugs x

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