What can you do with a guy with HIV: Hi there, I'm... - BASHH


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What can you do with a guy with HIV

ads1 profile image
6 Replies

Hi there,

I'm asking this question for a friend (yes honestly lol, his first language isn't English so he wanted me to do it for him!). It's all pretty complicated but recently he has met another guy and he wants to get intimate with him, but the other guy has recently found out he has HIV. As such he is not on any medication for it so I presume his count (?) will be fairly high. What my friend wants to know is what is it safe to do with him? At the minute his ideas are:



Mutual masturbation (without a condom)

Oral sex (both giving and receiving, but the guy with HIV will be wearing a condom)

So are these safe to do with the guy (especially with him not being on medication) and what chance is there of him catching anything (I know the concept of chance of catching isn't a great one)? He's a bit of a paranoid personality when it comes to this sort of thing... The idea of intercourse is a bit of a no at the minute but are the risks for that high if he uses a condom?

I know that's a lot of questions, but any advice will be useful. If there's any doctors out there who might be able to help, even better!

Thanks a lot


6 Replies
winnminny profile image

If u love him,sex is important but safe is more important for u so u should use condom better and be careful about tearing.I think u worried more.

Dear ads1,

There are several factors that affect the risk of HIV transmission as well as the actual sex itself. You rightly point out that the HIV viral load (amount of virus in the blood) is related, in that people who are on treatment with an undetectable viral load (no detectable virus in the blood) are very unlikely to pass on HIV. The other big factor is the presence of another STI. So it would be very important for your friend and his partner to get checked for STI's.

You friends boyfriend might consider starting treatment to reduce the risk of passing on HIV and this is something he can talk to his HIV specialist about.

Otherwise it's the same as for someone who you don't know their HIV status. Condoms always for anal sex. Condoms are recommended for giving a blow job to someone, though the majority of the risk is from ejaculation.

There is thought to be no risk from getting a blow job. And not from cuddling, kissing or masturbation.

The other thing to be aware of is PEP or PEPSE (Post Exposure Prophylaxis after Sexual Exposure). If they do have a condom accident, then he should attend a Sexual Health / GUM clinic immediately, or if out of hours (nights/weekends) then the local emergency department / A&E. The medication is given up to 72hrs after, but works best if started within a few hours. The medication is given for a month and reduces the risk of catching HIV by 50-80%. See tht.org.uk/pep

Your friend would be very welcome to attend a clinic to discuss risks and prevention. bashh.org/clinics

Kind regards.

Bluestar profile image

As far as I known, even if his viral load his stable and also his cd4 count it best for him to start mess because he has a better chance of protecting his partner from the virus. With safe sex. So the earlier he starts treatment the better. Good luck to your friend.

joaparra profile image

any and all things as long as his partner is not exposed to his seminal fluids, or anal fluids. saliva is ok, so kissing is ok. if you have no open wounds u can eat of his body.

condoms are a must period. no risky behaviors like analungus etc. get the picture?

joaparra profile image

everything, EXCEPT, exchange sexual fluids, both anal and penile. wear a hood in these areas.

Mads1975 profile image

In 2016 the PARTNER study concluded that a person with an undetectable viral load can’t transmit HIV. Your friend’s bf should start on HIV Meds ASAP to protect any partners and reduce the damage that HIV has on his body.

I say this as a person diagnosed with the virus in 1995 and volunteer as a speaker and peer support for an HIV charity in the UK

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