Reflecting......

[Lynnelovessunshine]

As the warm weather has arrived, I expected to be happier than I am!!! It's those words, should be!!! I'm putting too much pressure on myself!!!

I'm always being told to have more compassion for myself and to be proud of what I have achieved but I can tell myself these things until I'm blue in the face but the big issue is belief, I don't believe in myself and I wish I did. The truth is I see myself as Lynne the person with dodgy lungs!!

I don't see Lynne, the person who still works full time as a primary school teacher, the person who still does the washing and cleaning the house, the person who still pops to the shops, the person that catches up with friends and goes to have her nails done!!! The person who can still walk around the park -1.8km - going from 54 minutes 4 weeks ago to 36 minutes this Sunday.

I've reduced my steroids, my peak flow is improving, I'm seeing a new consultant ( new for me) - at the Brompton next month, health wise many positives.

I had a fairly normal weekend with lots of normal moments but Monday morning I still had an irrational fear moment and struggled ( mentally not physically) to get down the stairs, into my car and drive to school. The picture of me at the top of the stairs was quite comical with me telling myself that if I could shout over the rooftops a good reason why I didn't have to go to work that day, I could go back inside!!!! Needless to say, me and my anxiety went to work!!! And had a fairly good day!!! Tuesday the same....

I would love to wake up one morning and not have to think about my breathing, jump out of bed, get dressed, eat breakfast and run to the car..... it ain't going to happen......

I do think positively, I do use mindfulness, I am loved but until I truly believe in me and what I am still capable of, this life will continue in the same way....

Thank you for reading. Thank you to my fabulous 'breathe easy' family. You truly are a great support network because you really do understand.

Wishing everyone a good day ❤️🌞❤️ Xx

[Hidden]

I think you achive alot and don't really understand why your so down.

I use to think this worse people than me TILL i become that person.

Stress anxierty can make you breathing worse EVEN beating yourself up can.

I dint realy have achivments JUST look forward to the four seasions AND thats good enough for me.

Sure i could dwell on what i had lost BUTs its not who i am now.

Thanks for sharing your concerns anxiety like they say THO a problem shared is problem halved

[knitter]

Maybe you have got into a cycle of breathlessness, anxiety , breathlessness...having poorly lungs has become part of who you are in a way.I see that you practice Mindfulness, but I wonder if you could try CBT with the help of your doctor, to try and break the cycle.

I practice Meditation too, but I stated with a very good teacher, as sometimes difficult thoughts can arise at first.

Have you tried the pursed lip breathing technique when you feel uncertain.....breathe in gently through your nose......gently ....then out through your mouth with pursed lips for a slightly longer time. Repeat a few times.

I too was a primary school teacher, and I know I used my voice a lot....and it was a stressful job. That affected my breathing, so I tried to speak less and breathe in a more gentle relaxed way to try and stop hyperventilating which can promote anxiety.

Can you check too when you are walking, doing the housework etc that you are breathing with a relaxed diaphragm and shoulders.....gentle belly breathing not with a tight upper chest ....and through your nose to filter and warm the air.

Could you get more help in the house, maybe for a short time so you have a time to relax at the weekend to get off the treadmill of work to give you time to recover, I remember the cycle of teaching, preparation, housework, ironing , washing all too well, and being a mother, daughter, wife, friend, all at the same time.

Take care .

Just another thought.......next time maybe when you walk in the park, instead of timing yourself, go slowly and mindfully ...enjoy the moment as they say. Be gentle with yourself.

That's enough from me, I hope others can help

[Hidden]

Hope this morning is a better morning..

You are doing all the right things..

Acceptance of who we are now is hard I know..some people can’t accept aging and would like to be young again..never mind being sick and hoping to be well again..so we have our dreams and our memories..we are so lucky to have a mind like a photo album..all you need is to breathe, pick and choose.. 🌸💕

[Ergendl]

Try singing - that can be very uplifting and helpful in learning to use diaphragm breathing.

[Kristicats in reply to Ergendl]

There are many local ‘Rock Choirs’ springing up everywhere they are great fun and you don’t have to be a good singer even🤣

[Moyz]

Hi , you need to fixate on the positives Lynne , I really can't begin to know where your coming from! Perfection is for saints and angels ! Perhaps some therapy might help you see how gifted and lucky you really are. Some people are so poorly they can't even get out of bed , so count your blessings Lynne and enjoy the here and now .good luck in getting your mind under control , kind regards Moya

[Dedalus]

Some really good replies above. Maybe cognitive behavioural therapy would help you (ask for referral). May I ask if you are on long-term steroids? x

[sassy59]

I do pray for better days ahead for you Lynne and urge you to keep believing in yourself and your good quality of life. You are fortunate so hold your head high and stop beating yourself up.

Are you being treated for your anxiety? I do hope so. Speak to Dr. next month and tell him how you feel.

Take care xxxxx

[corriena]

Well done you i dont know how to beat anxiety. But you seem to be doing just that moment by moment day by day you are achieving a full and healthy life. I think you are amasing. We often get anxious about are health or lack of. it is how we deal with it that makes the difference. Stay posative you are doing so well

[hypercat54]

Hi I have heard that having a chronic illness is very like losing a loved one and you have to go through the same grieving process to be able to come to terms with it. I think this is very true and it's something we all have to come to terms with even 'normal' people as they also will age one day and won't be able to do the things they once did.

I think the difference is that aging is a gradual process whilst chronic and serious illness is much quicker and doesn't give you the same time to adapt to changing circumstances. As aging is biological I think the psychology of it is too making it easier to deal with.

The thing is you cannot change the past and you cannot go back to the person you were. I think once you can learn to accept that it will be easier to focus on what you still can do rather than what you can't. You are still the same person you know but have just reached a different point in your life. Look forwards rather than backwards. x

[Hidden]

You are living your life to the best of your ability, at this time. You feel how you feel and it's ok. Having bad lungs is a scary thing.

The weather is sunny snd bright here in the USA and, everything is blooming but for us with lung issues, it causes more coughing and exacerbating because of allergies. etc

Sounds like your plugging away, good job so, breath easy!

[Caspiana]

Dearest Lynnelovessunshine .

Whoa..! What a trip down memory lane reading your post 😁. Teaching was my life for twenty years. I breathed teaching as it were. Until I got to the point of seriously ill, I too worked full time, ran a house hold, brought up children etc. And honestly, the adrenaline from school was enough to keep me going. But then anxiety and depression came out from behind their "Busy me" hiding place and wreaked havoc big time. I cannot comment on your situation as such, I can just tell you my experience. Forgive me if I am taking liberties. 😑

Feeling inadequate and having no confidence (even though you are doing everything perfectly well) was a cycle for me. And for me, I eventually realized I was doing things too well. So much so that I was the tiniest fraction of a huge equation. I thought I had the right balance, yes, but for everything and everyone else. Not me per se. I think expectations of myself and others made me feel like I had to keep up, no, actually I had to be better, do better all the time. So, no space for me and my needs, and that's the perfect fuel for anxiety's fire. And depression came to join the party soon after. 😕

I'm not sure that anything I say can make things better for you. Just know that you aren't alone. Please let us know how you are getting on. We are all behind you.

Sending love and a gentle hug.

Cas xx 🌞🐞

[Kristicats]

Hi Lynne retired at 57 after a small heart attack

but went back to work for 2 days 2 years ago (after I had COPD confirmed) am 60 now. I felt very negative not working but felt full time would put too much pressure and stress on myself. some days I have to force myself to go to work even though I enjoy it once I’m there! I seem to go through periods of being really motivated and try to be energetic to lapses/periods of “what’s the use , I’ve got COPD” So then sometimes I think what I’ve achieved then-gets cancelled out because I’ve still got the sodding disease! And I feel like some of us I expect ....old before my time ....and now having to work hard all the time to maintain my health and so guilty when I can’t be bothered as I know things will deteriorate. So very up and down even though others think I’m very positive. If it wasn’t for the constant reminders I. E. breathing noticeably worse in the evenings and bad winter lungs etc I could forget I’ve got this permanent bind and get back to being the happy, hyper girl I was . Perhaps there are times when we simply do put too much pressure on ourself including our minds and we should be kinder to ourselves allowing and accepting lower mood periods because we have the COPD and ageing

Process to deal with at the same time.

It’s seems like you are a very busy and active lady and as I have, you have improved your lung problems somewhat. We need to be proud of that don’t we? carry on trying to improve bit by bit and accept that glum and not so happy days can be all part of it. Lynne I have to have a ‘total me ,no guilt ,slob day’ once a week if I can , that helps no end but is very difficult if you work full time. Take good care and so very well done you for the achievements you have made . Would love to hear how you get on 👍👍👍

[Lynnelovessunshine]

THANK YOU ❤️

You have all replied just as I wanted 😃 This is why this group is so fantastic 😃

I was never looking for sympathy and I do appreciate I've got a lot to be grateful for 😃

The grieving process has a lot to answer too as do long term steroids!!!

I do appreciate the park when I take my breaks on benches 😃

💞💞💞💞💞💞 xx

[Stumpy55]

With all these good responses Lynn, there is nothing else to add except live for the here and now and concentrate on being kind to yourself. Please stay Intouch with us and let us know how you are getting on? Take care🌹✋️😊

[Harry13]

I wish I could do a quarter of what you achieve Lynnelovesthesunshine xxx

[peter06]

Your doing very well Lynn and going to the Brompton should get you well sorted, excellent hospital, only problem is parking the car which is very expensive

I have used Just Parking which finds sites nearby and then use a taxi or a bus to get there as walking is too far for me