Hi everyone, I had PP last August out of the blue, and recently had a lot of stress that triggered similar feelings around the fear of death as ones I had with my initial episode. I called the crisis line and was really worried I would relapse. They said it is likely PTSD as it comes up to a year anniversary of my initial episode, and stress related anxiety as I have a lot going on with work and family life.
I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience where they felt an overwhelming fear of death come out of nowhere. For me, it happened at night when my daughters and husband are asleep. It was a feeling that there souls would be ‘taken’ or that I would be left behind alone on Earth. It’s kind of aligned to end of the world/doomsday/ascension, which played into my psychosis and thoughts at the time.
It’s a completely irrational fear, and I cannot fathom how I could think this and feel such anxiety while trying to sleep! I know there isn’t much research, but I’m beginning to wonder if this might be hormonal as I recently came of the pill, and these thoughts surfaced. I know hormones can have a massive impact on your mental state.
I contacted my GP to get an emergency appointment to discuss the anxiety I was feeling, and if it might be pill withdrawal symptoms. However, I just got dismissed on the phone, and he said it’s definitely not hormonal! This is even though I had PP last year, and the same GP fobbed my husband off then when he contacted them worried about me. A female GP who saw me and may daughter at mother 8 week check called my husband after I was admitted for PP to apologies for how they dealt with it.
Luckily I have a mental health support worker who spoke with me, and got me a prescription of diazepam for anxiety. However, I’ve not gone to get this medication as the symptoms have now passed by the time I could see someone!
Interested to hear whether anyone else has had the same fear, and where you think these fears come from.
Also, should I raise a complaint about the GP dismissing me twice now?
Hope that all makes sense! TIA 🙂
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This sounds a really scary experience to go through, and with all the anxiety as well you must be exhausted.
When I had PP, my psychiatrist told me to be watchful around the menopause as it is a risk time for relapse. And she is a leading psychiatrist in the field. It makes me think there must surely be a hormonal component somewhere in all of this (and is PP itself related to the crazy hormone changes when you have a baby?)
I would get the diazepam prescription filled, in case you have the same symptoms again - you don’t want to have to jump through hoops again
Hi MotherOfBears thank you for your reply. I am doing ok, it was a couple of weekends ago now that the panic of replase happened! I have a lot of stressors and actually writing out a 'Stress Bucket' exercise with my mental health support worker made me realise how much I have on at the moment. But yes, it was very scary to feel that anxiety and fear again.
I think being aware of what it is this time was so helpful! My husband and I had a plan from my mental health support worker to follow. However, it is still a bit confusing and unclear who to go to for mental heath help in a crisis situation over the weekend. We all know too well the NHS are struggling with mental health, so hopefully that will improve.
That's encouraging to hear that your psychiatrist mentioned hormones as a risk factor with PP. That totally makes sense to me that hormones and becoming a mother kind of rewires your brain, and these new fears can become overwelming. I never feared death before becoming a mother.
The hormonal shifts in Menapause is something I did not think about! Thank you for making me aware of that. I don't understand how doctors do not equate hormones with mental health. I guess it's just outdated training and lack of research with some GPs.
Thank you, I will definetly get that Diazepam to have as a back up just incase it happens again.
Totally agree. It's totally rational and logical to think hormones have a massive part to play in your mental wellbeing! Especially because pregancy and birth completely alters you hormonal make up massively.
As someone who has been through childbirth, PP and menopause I can attest that I do believe hormones are very powerful things and can have a lot of influence over our thoughts and fears. I went through menopause early when I had to have cancer treatment, and it was a rocky time.
I also still have dreams at night about things like becoming psychotic again. I do think there is a PTSD component to that. Going through PP is quite traumatic. I’m still struggling with a sort of medical PTSD after the medical incidents I had this year. I had a surgery in January related to breast reconstruction that should have been uneventful, but then I got a serious infection and came close to losing my life from it. I spent a week in the hospital with the fear that I might actually die. It was very scary. I’m still dealing with a lot of anxiety and I wonder if that might be an issue for you also.
If I were you I would fill the prescription, then you will have the meds if you wake up in the night feeling panicked again.
Wow Survivedwithcolor I'm so sorry to hear about the difficulties you have been through. You are amazing and strong to come through all that! I hope you are feeling much better now you are out from the surgery and the infection this year.
I agree it is anxiety and PTSD. That is also what the nurse said to me on the crisis helpline. I think it is such a terrifying thing to go through that it is not surprising that I felt a lot of fear and anxiety about death. I will definetly be getting that medication to help if I feel like that again.
Coming off the pill must have had an influence on my recent feelings, and also it is coming up to the year anniversary of the psychosis episode. I also have a lot of fear about being back in an acute ward again, so PTSD has a lot to do with how I was feeling.
So grateful for this platform to be able to chat with and hear from those who have been through similar things. Thank you for your comment. All the best to you 🙏
Coming off the pill absolutely could cause some issues! Pills are just synthetic hormones.
When I was having periods, and even afterward for a while, I just learned that it was somewhat normal to have days where I felt overly emotional. Sometimes I’d be sad, sometimes extremely angry, or anxious. Occasionally I still have those days! When that happens, I think to myself, is this a normal reaction to this situation? Like when I was dealing with all the medical stuff, I had days that I felt extremely depressed. I knew that is a normal feeling for the things that were happening to me. But if it’s not a normal reaction, then I would think about other possible reasons, and sometimes I’d realize it was that time of the month and I had forgotten! Or that I hadn’t slept the last couple days, or hadn’t eaten well. It all affects us.
Nowadays they have apps for period tracking. I used to do it with pencil and paper and take my temperature daily before getting out of bed. It’s actually really accurate at letting you know when your period is coming, if your cycle is regular. I used it when I was trying to get pregnant with my second child and continued doing it for some time after that just because then I could more accurately predict those hormonal days. Might be worth a try?
Thank you Survivedwithcolor for your comments. It's really good to have validation of what I have been feeling from someone who has been through birth, PP and menapause! You have lived experience of how hormones interact with PP.
I have been on the standard combined pill the NHS prescribes since I was 17 and I am now 34 now. I only came off it twice to have my girls, and got pregnant straight away. So I have not experienced my natural hormonal cycle for a long time. Also pregnancy and birth has probably changed a lot of things for me! So that is why I was angry when my GP dimissed me saying the anxiety I was feeling and fear of PP replase was not hormonal at all.
I use the Flo app and it is great at predicting my cycle, thank you. I did get a thermometer but not planning on having anymore children now. It's great to be more aware of my cycle now though, and how it affects my mood. That is important for me to be aware of it for PP too.
It is exactly what you said, I didn't understand how much impact hormones would have on me until I came off the pill recently. All the emotions I was feeling, how each phase of the menstral cycle affects your mood, and how you react to daily pressures. I kept wondering, why am I so frustrated and angry, then realised I'm about to come onto my period. It's amazing this stuff is just not taught in schools and so desperatly needs to be!
I would have felt angry at being dismissed too. Now that I’m in my late 50s I realize that younger people are very often dismissed by doctors with something like, “You’re young, there couldn’t be anything wrong.” Why they would be like that with hormonal issues for younger women is a mystery to me, because that’s when you have the MOST hormones! I wonder about the doctor you spoke with. When we get older it’s the LACK of hormones that becomes the problem, because that causes other issues. And being a breast cancer survivor I can’t take any hormone replacement treatments, so I’ve had to suffer quite a bit with hot flashes and other things. Anyway I think you are completely justified in thinking it hormonally related. Mental illness and in particular PP is hormone related in its very nature! It’s all body chemistry, which is very powerful. Is this your regular primary care physician who dismissed you? Do you have any options for changing to another person who understands women’s issues a bit better?
Back when I had my kids we didn’t have smartphones and there were no period tracker apps. I learned how to do it with a book I bought called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. There was a focus of getting pregnant to it but it also was very informational about exactly, medically, how all the female hormones interact and produce ovulation and then menstruation. It went into great detail about the temperature cycles, and even what normal vaginal discharge should look like and how it changes during the cycle. I saved the book for a long time and gave it to my daughters to read. They don’t teach much about it in schools here in the US, either. In fact, in some US states, including the one I now live in, they don’t teach anything about sexuality at all anymore, beyond basic health and hygiene. I did learn it in school in the area where I grew up so I was surprised (and not pleased) when my girls told me they hadn’t been taught it. It’s a political issue in some areas, which I’ll never understand, because these are medical facts.
Women’s hormones are a big and interesting subject, but very under researched. Hopefully more awareness will come in time and people educate themselves.
Thank you for that booked recommendation, I remember that from a women’s health course I did a few years back. It was useful to understand how to track your cycle, but of course I was still on the pill.
I have 2 daughters so will be teaching them all about hormones and menstrual cycle. I’ll definitely make them aware of mental health issues too!
Yes, I have a female GP who saw me and my daughter at an 8 week check post birth. That was literally the week before PP hit me and she asked about my mental health. At that moment, all was fine, so it was crazy a week after for PP to hit. I’ll try to see her for any future issues around contraception/hormones. The male GP has been there for years and is old school!
Luckily I have a mental health support team here called Gloucestershire Recovery In Psychosis. I’ll get support from them for 3 years, and will know what to do now if I have any issues going forward. I think you just have to be persistent and clear if you get fobbed off. It’s hard because I know GPs are under a lot of pressure, but they don’t realise PP can be quite severe and life threatening. I have to accept that I may struggle sometimes but as long as I know what to do and ask for help, I’ll be ok.
Glad you have some options for support. I’d ditch the old male doctor if he’s the one who blew you off. Sorry, but most men just don’t get it, particularly the older generations who thought they knew women better than women did. I hate to sound ageist and sexist but I’ve had those doctors and I know their type exactly. Interesting story about that, when I first had breast cancer at 44, after my chemo treatments started, I got my period and started bleeding. The bleeding was very, very heavy, heavier than any period I had ever had. I was soaking a tampon and a pad every 30 minutes. If I had just had a baby they would’ve admitted me for hemorrhaging. My oncologist was one of these older male doctors, and when I told him about the bleeding, he blew it off. He just said, “Oh, it’ll stop.” Well, it did let up some but I kept bleeding. THREE WEEKS later I went back for my second treatment and it was still going. The male oncologist was out that day and I saw one of his colleagues, a woman. I told her about the bleeding and she was all over it immediately. She prescribed me a medication to stop the bleeding and tested my hemoglobin levels. By that time I was severely anemic from so much blood loss and had to start having iron infusions along with the chemo drugs. I went to the front desk after my appointment and told the receptionist I wasn’t going to see the male doctor anymore; I wanted the female doctor. They told me, “Well, we don’t let people switch doctors.” I said, “Yes, you do. I want her.” And I’ve been seeing that doctor ever since - 14 years now.
Thank you Survivedwithcolor ! It is so good to hear about your experience and to listen to the wisdom of someone who has been through so much. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ll definitely ask to see the female GP in future. I don’t think you are being sexist or ageist, just realistic! Best wishes to you x
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