Having strange and scary symptoms. Lots of stress and triggers, potential relapse?

Evening everyone.

I'm going to put a "Trigger Warning" now just incase any of what I am writing about may be upsetting.

I am 5 years post PP episode

I have many different life stresses, conditions and traumas I am trying to work through, and I think I have reached my peak stress limit.

I am very dissociated too, like I am not real, and everything is in third person.

My mind is constantly full of unwanted thoughts and voices talking to me, telling me bizarre stuff that isn't real but it's so convincing some of the time (I only hear things inside my head not outside my head)

I have reached out to a relative today and "first response" who have been able to update my Mental Health notes.

Rest assured, I am safe and have plenty of contact numbers in case of emergency or distress.

I am doing everything I can to keep this all as calm as possible, taking extra quetiapine when I need to.

My kitten is a saving grace atm (starting training her up to respond to commands and hopefully be a support animal of kinds)

I cant keep attention on any activity for very long. And each wave of paranoia/voices/dissociation gets more and more tiring.

I'm scared to sleep incase I wake up and it is the same tomorrow. But I am also hopeful that tomorrow will be brighter too.

Hugs and healing to all, and

very grateful to everyone at APP for all you do 🫂🫶🏻

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi ChloeJane1997

I'm so glad that you have reached out to us here. I'm sorry you are struggling at the moment. The disassociation sounds horrible, as well as the unwanted voices and thoughts. I have heard that when you're dealing with trauma and stress, which you've mentioned, it can cause disassociation. I have experienced some disassociation when I was a teenager, it was a horrible feeling.

It's really good you've reached out to professionals, and a relative, for support. It's good to hear you are safe. Do keep reaching out.

Do you have any access to therapy as well? I know it can be hard to find, though, with long waiting lists.

Trying to keep things as calm as possible sounds like a good plan. I'm so glad you're finding your kitten a good distraction, that sounds lovely

I find as well going for walks, and being in nature helpful, even just my local park, where I try and go for a walk each morning. I find it quite grounding, which may help?

It must be hard not wanting to go to sleep, are you managing to get enough sleep? My experience is that lack of sleep really affects everything, I find myself jittery and anxious if I even have just one night of disturbed sleep, so I hope that you can manage to rest and sleep.

Take care ChloeJane1997, I hope that the symptoms will improve soon

Ellie X

[Hidden in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Hi Ellie!

Thanks for responding.

I am awaiting to hear from the MH team about therapy. Hoping I will have an answer this week.

I did get out for 15 mins today to the local fishing pond round the corner from me. And I've been able to do a little art aswell.

I did manage to get some sleep last night but it was quite broken. Feeling quite the same as yesterday.

Holding hope for better days ahead.

CeeJae (can't change my username 🤦🏻‍♀️)

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Hidden]

Hi CeeJae

That’s great you got out for a little walk today, and also did some art. Sorry you had broken sleep last night, I hope you can sleep better tonight.

I hope you’ll hear soon about therapy too.

Yes I hope you’ll have better days, I’m sure you will. Take care xx

[Ellacott_08 Volunteer]

Hi ChloeJane1977

Thank you for sharing what you're going through at the moment. It sounds like you're doing all the right things.

In my recovery from pp it was very up and down for years, and I also had to deal with trauma from my past. It was exhausting, scary and frustrating. But I did get through it.

It's so lovely that you've got a kitten, pets can be very calming especially if they like being cuddled 🥰.

We are always here if you fancy a chat.

Take care

Becky xx

[Hidden in reply to Ellacott_08]

Hi becky.

Thank you for replying. I'm sorry it also took you years and uncovering of trauma too.

I am comforted I am not alone, and also pray that your healing continues for you.

And praying mine will come too very soon. It's difficult.

Keeping kitty close to me. She is awesome

Black and white kitten snuggling in my arms.

[Ellacott_08 Volunteer]

Thank you Chloe

I'm sure you'll get through this.

We're here for you x

Love the picture xx