I'm not very well at the moment and it's got me questioning what happened when I had my PP episode 15yrs ago. I got very low about 6wks ago after my son's mental health worker suggested I get myself more help, I had my anx/depression meds increased and referred for all manner of different therapies, some of which I started, some of which I was scared about starting. All of this seemed to make matters very much worse.
I've been struggling with voices (which is new for me) and strange ideas. I've had a couple of episodes this week of going wandering in the dark and coming round in strange places with all sorts of odd things going on in my head or around me. It's all very frightening and confusing.
The crisis team and now the crisis home treatment team are seeing me most days and have me on sedatives 4 times a day and my husband is taking care of me. I think I am worse than I ever was even 15 years ago and this is with having tried so hard lately to get better with meds / talking therapies. The psch team are satisfied I'm not full-on in psychosis as I can recognise that what's happening with me isn't normal even if I'm not sure if I believe it on and off. Similar to my previous episodes, so maybe that wasn't even PP? Anyways I'm not sure what I'm asking really, just fed up that it's got to this point despite my best efforts to get better and wonder if anyone can relate and tell me it gets better.
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SammySeal
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Good Morning dearest Sammy Seal, I will private message you in chat. Just need to get my son ready for school. Speak in a little while. Big hug and thinking of you x
I'm really sorry to hear you're not well at the moment.
It sounds very frightening to be experiencing symptoms you've not had before and the episodes you've experienced in the dark.
It's good to hear you're being cared for both by professionals and your husband. I do hope things start to settle for you very soon with the right support.
I'm sure different episodes of being unwell can present very differently for the same person, both in terms of symptoms and the response to those symptoms and including level of insight. I remember when I had PP I very much believed the reality and thoughts I was experiencing but was also questioning those things very regularly, it was incredibly confusing.
Try to trust in those looking after you, it will get better. Know we're all here for you.
Hey Sammy, I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling - it can be such a shock when it happens many years after PP.
I just wondered how old you are, and whether you had thought about if this could be perimenopause? I definitely had a big wobble in my mood at about 43-44 (as did lots of friends who'd never struggled with their mental health before)
Women who've had PP are at a slightly higher risk of mood symptoms during the hormonal fluctuations of perimenopause. Feel free to check out the menopause advice page on the APP website to see if this might apply? Happy to chat any time
thanks all. So far today cPTSD and dissociation was mentioned. They talked about me going on a ward to stay safe but I freaked out about the kind of chairs they have there, I seem to have a thing about chairs, so they’re ok with me being at home with my husband as long as he watches me 24/7 and has a carers assessment. Can’t believe it’s come to this. Then this afternoon I saw a car, panicked and ran and hid in the neighbours wood when the husbands back was turned. I’m not going to go into any more details or probably post much again as I know I find it upsetting reading other people’s messages when they’re not very well, but I do appreciate your well wishes as no one really knows about this in real life.
Morning SammySeal, I’m really sorry to hear this. When we’re poorly things can feel very frightening, I really do understand. I hope you’re feeling able to keep safe. I wonder if you feel able to talk with your health professionals around you again today. Tell them what is frightening you. I was very frightened too when I had PP. But somehow I managed to confide in someone and they made me feel safe, I realised it was safe to trust them. They were there to help, the health professionals are on your team trying to help you get better as are your family and husband.
I was admitted to an MBU, it was a worrying time, and as you describe even small things like chairs terrified me. But with help and support I got better. You can too. Thinking of you hugely, and sending all my best wishes to you.
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