Dark thoughts

[pinkladystar]

I had a really positive day today seeing my peer support lady and then this evening it has all changed the dark thoughts in my head are just unbelievable. I just wish the world would swallow me up. I am so fed up of this rollercoaster 2 and half years on and still battling with my mental health and its just so difficult because I try so hard to put a front on so people are proud of me but then I just melt afterwards.i have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow and I am dreading it because they just really don't understand what it's like. And my cpn has stepped me down when I still desperately need help.sorry

[Olanzapinelenny]

thinking of you, I feel all over the place aswell almost two years on. One day at a time hope you are doing ok x

[pinkladystar in reply to Olanzapinelenny]

Thank you for responding

[MotherOfBears]

Hi there

I am so sorry to hear you are still struggling two and a half years on. I can empathise, it is 18’months since I had PP and I’m still unstable. What one person on here said to me ages ago is “every day is one day closer to recovery”. I hope that doesn’t sound trite, it has just helped me to keep faith that things can get better.

Can you bring someone with you to your psychiatrist to help you feel that you are being heard? It must feel awful for your pain not to be acknowledged.

The wonderful women on here have helped me so much with their support as I have been in my dark days. I’m sure they will have words of kindness and wisdom for you too.

Will be thinking of you. Take the best of care xxx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi pinkladystar

That's good that you had a positive day with your peer supporter, but really sorry you had dark thoughts later. It's good you felt you could reach out here. It must be so hard to keep battling the dark thoughts, you are doing so well to keep going. I'm sorry it feels no one in your care team understands. I hope the psychiatrist appointment goes ok today, and is helpful, and you can say how you are really feeling.

Is there someone you can talk to about how you are really feeling (a friend, or family member?), I imagine that can relieve them, and help you to feel not alone?

I don't know if there's anything you find that helps with the dark thoughts, or just things you enjoy or used to enjoy? When I was depressed I used to have to force myself to do things, but they often did help. Some of the things that help/ed me, getting out for a walk (particularly in a park near nature), exercise (I enjoy going swimming when I can), reading (if I could concentrate, not always easy), watching TV, doodling/sketching, journaling are some of the things I've found helpful.

Thinking of you, keep reaching out, I'm so glad you reached out to us here, take care

Ellie X

[pinkladystar in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Hi Ellie Thank you for you response as you know my peer support person Is amazing I rang her yesterday as I was at my witts end and she was trying so hard to help me. We just kept hitting brick walls.I'm really struggling to concentrate as the really bad suicidal thoughts are back with a vengeance.

Thank you for thinking about me means a lot even though I don't deserve it

[x_Amy Volunteer]

Hi pinkladystar,

Sending you a virtual hug. Please keep in mind how much progress you have made, even if it is difficult to at times. 2.5 years on is still really early days in terms of recovery.

You know the term “fake it ‘til you make it”? That was how I felt for the first few years after my son was born. I’d get home after meeting up with my MH staff, friends or family, and would be so exhausted from having to put a brave face on. But it did get easier with time, and I felt myself naturally look forward to doing things with others as my confidence slowly came back.

Battling with dark and intrusive thoughts every day takes incredible strength, but they are just thoughts and they have no reflection on you. Please keep being open with your psychiatrist and we are always here to listen.

I hope your appointment goes well 💐

Best wishes,

Amy x

[pinkladystar in reply to x_Amy]

Thank you Amy I appreciate this but I just don't know if I can continue going forward

[x_Amy Volunteer in reply to pinkladystar]

Hi pinkladystar,

You absolutely can and will, strong lady. Thinking of you, you’re not alone 💖 x

[NMG1991]

Hi Pinkladystar,

So sorry to hear you're still struggling two and a half years on. I too am still struggling nearly two and a half years postpartum. I have recently reached out to a mental health team away from my GP practice for help and I feel a little lost at the moment and I get horrible intrusive thoughts which really upset me.

Could this be something you could also do, seek help? They're a separate team but do work closely and report back to your GP so they're also kept in the loop.

All the best to you, please keep in touch x

[pinkladystar in reply to NMG1991]

I am under the secondary mental health team already and there not helpful and there making things worse

[NMG1991 in reply to pinkladystar]

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's so tough because mental health isn't able to be seen and therefore people especially those in a position of care tend to ignore it. It's not far at all. Could you call the crisis team to see if you can get help through that avenue?x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello pinkladystar

I’m sorry to read you are struggling at the moment but I hope you have found support today and are now resting.

I just wanted to add to the helpful replies for support if you can’t get through to the crisis team. There’s the CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) charity helpline which is free, confidential and anonymous on 0800 58 58 58 available from 5.00 pm - midnight, 365 days a year .... or

SHOUT, a free, confidential 24/7 crisis text service. Text SHOUT to 85258 to access support.

Or perhaps you could ask someone to speak on your behalf to your crisis team to let them know how much you are struggling? Take care 🌻

[pinkladystar in reply to Lilybeth]

I tried so hard to get through but I couldn't x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Morning pinkladystar

I’m sorry you were unable to get through to the support lines I mentioned last night. The CALM charity which operates from 5.00 pm also have web chat so perhaps that might be something to try later if needed.

With the SHOUT text 24/7 support, text 85258, according to the site you will receive a message and someone will contact you.

It’s not easy but keep reaching out to your secondary mental health team or perhaps your GP has an out of hours contact number. Take care 🌻