Research Interview at MGHP3

[AinslW]

I just finished doing my phone interview for the Massachusetts General Hospital for Postpartum Psychosis research study. I am trying to relax, ground, and decompress, but I’m pretty distressed. It was difficult to rehash the details of my experience. The nanny is here with my kids for another hour so I’m trying to figure out how to use it to get back to a baseline. A part of it too is I’ve been in denial about the possibility of having Bipolar Disorder and that having been a risk factor for having developed PPP but when she reviewed my personal history and family history with me it again became apparent that I probably have BD1 with a history of BD2. It’s all hard to wrap my mind around. Especially thinking about just how sick I actually was when I had PPP and for me it was a full blown manic episode. I’m trying to be gentle with myself, today. It may actually take me a few multiple days to recover. I think I’m going to go try to make myself a snack to eat and then lay down for a little while. Has anyone else participated in these type of research studies? How did you take care of your mind body and spirit while going through it? Would love to hear from you all. Thank you for holding space for me. Love from the U.S, Ainsley

[hgallo Volunteer]

Hi AinsW, I'm Hannah and I'm a volunteer at APP. I have twin girls and had pp after having them in 2016. I've recently been diagnosed with bi-polar.

I did a research study the year after having pp and also felt quite triggered by it. She suggested I had trauma symptoms during the interview (and I think she was probably right.) It's a while ago so difficult to remember how I wound down after. But I've done a few lived experience talks and definitely found I need time to wind down after. A walk, a coffee, some mindless tv.

It sounds like it's brought a lot up for you. Having a snack and a lie down sounds like a good start to decompress.

Do you have any kind of talking therapy? It might help you to process what it's brought up in a safe space. Also, give yourself some space to process what they said about possible bi-polar - do you want to explore that further with a psychiatrist? You don't have to do that immediately of course.

I think your plan to take some time for yourself makes perfect sense. How are your friends and family with supporting you? It's a unique experience so if it's more comfortable for you to talk to us about the psychosis that's fine too. All are stories are different but I def found it reassuring that the weirdness of some things I had experienced was shared and not judged by people here, as we've all been though it!

Take care and pop back on when ever you need to, x

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi AinsIW,

I can imagine that was very tough and draining for you yesterday, how are you feeling today?

I remember taking part in a research study where someone came to my house - I can't remember how long after my PP episode it was but I don't think I'd talked about my experience in very much detail prior to that. It can be really difficult talking about our experiences, especially early on, and I imagine doing it on the phone was harder still.

I don’t have much to add to what Hannah has said so well. Do look after yourself, bringing up those memories and feelings can be so painful and it’s important to decompress. Do whatever you find helps to relax you a bit and I hope you have lots of support around you.

As Hannah says it’s important to feel you’re in a safe space when talking about different aspects of your experiences. Do write here whenever it helps.

Sending you best wishes across the ocean.

Jenny x

[SammySeal]

Hi Ainsley

Nice to meet you. Well done for taking part in the study, it's so important that more is known about the illness. I can totally see how it can be really distressing to take part in research though or even talk about your experiences.

I had a PP episode 15 years ago and have helped with bits of research in person and over zoom from time to time. Personally I didn't find helping with the research too bad at the time, I think because it's quite structured in the way questions are asked and answered about specific aspects, but I guess it depends on the particular project.

What I find harder is talking freely or casually about it. Memories come back from all directions, intrusively, and can be really quite overwhelming. For me it helps afterwards to be quiet and alone, have a bath, eat, have an early night - just process the memories and thoughts I suppose.

It's really good that you recognise that you need to relax, ground and decompress by doing the things you know work for you, and also that it can be easier said than done! You're also absolutely doing the right thing coming on here to get it out in writing if that helps you. I know it helps me, and I've done exactly that before in similar situations. Other things that help me when I'm ready (like the next day) are things like running, baking and getting out in nature. It sounds like you know what helps you and you know it might take you a few days to feel ok again, and that's fine.

Keep in touch

Sammy x