Ladies I really need your help. When I was in university at age 21 I remember having no friends and feeling almost sick with depression. Once I left uni and started working that feeling went away.
However when I was a new mum and I came back home alone with the baby because my husband didn't want to take 2 weeks unpaid paternity leave I literally went crazy with loneliness.
I am naturally extroverted and need the company and companionship of other people to feel happy and sane.
I was neglected by my husband, extended family and inlaws when I had a baby and I did not know about mums and toddlers groups and the NHS midwives and health visitors only came to see me once.
This all led to my very first psychotic breakdown.
I grew up in a very big household. It was my parents, my young aunty, my 4 siblings and because of my dad's job we often had lots of visitors.
When my mum had her children she was never alone and got support from extended family. My mum had died by the time I had my son and my dad had had a disabling stroke. My son had two major operations by the time he was 3 months old.
I have found that loneliness and isolation make me feel very ill indeed. I have had so much rejection since having ppp and then Bipolar. I have been shunned by other mums at my son's primary school when he was little and when I've tried to share my diagnosis with ladies I'd hoped were friends I've been told repeatedly that the relationship is over or that they are blocking me.
I have very few friends and do not live close to the majority of my family or inlaws.
I feel desperately lonely all the time and my medication Haloperidol is a living nightmare.
I'm just wanting to know are there any women for whom the meds are a nightmare, who didn't have any support, whose husbands were so afraid of them when they were psychotic that he locked you out of the house for weeks?
Does anyone have a nhs psychiatrist who does not listen to them?
I told her on Monday that I have ptsd and she dismissed it even though the birth trauma association tell me I have classic signs of ptsd.
I feel so alone in my experience. On the forum most ladies say how well they sleep on their meds , I feel like I'm the only one who now has sleep issues because I tried to be compliant on the meds that the psychiatrist told me would transform my life.
I think about suicide very often these days because my sleep is so poor. I wonder are there any other mums like me who have not recovered with the passage of time since having their baby.
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JosephineFay
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I'm Becky, one of APP peer supporters. I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment.
Postpartum psychosis can be very isolating and it must be very hard if you don't have a support network around you.
Have you been in touch with APP before?
We may have a in person cafe group near you, or we have online groups and 1 to 1 peer support.
Ive certainly found it a huge help to talk to other women who understand what you've been/going through.
When I was ill I tried a few different anti psychotics until I found one that worked well for me. Unfortunately I don't have any experience of the one you're currently taking, hopefully they'll be other forum members that can offer their experiences.
Do you have anyone else involved in your care that can help? Maybe a nurse or GP? Maybe your psychiatrist will listen to another health professional although they should be listening to you!
I'm hoping things will improve for you soon. Please reach out if you'd like more support from us.
I’m so very sorry that things have been so difficult over the years and that you feel so alone. It’s hard enough to become a new mum, and then to be unwell, I’m sorry you had to do this with so little support around you. I’m also sorry to hear that your psychiatrist dismissed you when you said you have PTSD at your appointment on Monday.
Have you looked at any groups and support that might be available through your local Mind or Bipolar UK perhaps? I wonder if there may be some classes or social groups you might find through such organisations - it may be a way to meet some new people and you’d know you’d already have a shared level of understanding of mental health issues and be able to skip over that worry? You might also find some local forums or online groups - the internet can be such a minefield but it can also be so helpful to connect people who wouldn’t otherwise find each other (like this one!)
I’m sorry to hear your thoughts have been going to such a dark place. Please reach out if you need to talk - Samaritans is there 24/7 on 116 123 and the National Suicide Prevention Helpline is open every day 6pm to midnight - 0800 689 5652. If you ever feel that you can’t keep yourself safe please get yourself to A&E or dial 999.
Look after yourself and know you can write here any time. I’m thinking of you.
I have tried our local Mind. They have a weekly peer support group but they are oddly all men apart from me and one other lady and when I last went they were really making vulgar jokes.
An online group of women would be good. Only thing is my current Job starts at 1.30pm to 6.00pm.
I have found the Zoom Meetings with APP invaluable.
You sound like you've had a really tough time, sending love to you.
Sleep is hugely important when it comes to mental health so you need to be assertive with the person prescribing your medication to get this resolved.
I am pleased to hear you want to be compliant with regards to medication, as medication has always healed my psychosis and kept me well.
Now that you have been diagnosed with ptsd which sounds spot on from what you've been through, your local nhs perinatal mental health team will have specialists in this area, who can help you. And maybe help you with sleep.
Friendshipwise, I have been guarded most of my life. It's sad not being able to open about mental health but people are scared if they don't understand it or do not have any experience. I tend not to mention psychosis as it's not widely understood. Maybe just gently mention that you've been having some poor mental health.
I hope you can go to some places to make friends. Just chatting to other mums while your child does an activity is good.
Make the most of the few friends you have, you are a sociable person and you really need that support. Do anything you can to build relationships - clubs, evening classes.
Please seek help if you feel suicidal as in the guidance from the other reply.
I find exercise helps my mental health, maybe you could follow some yoga on YouTube.
You deserve friendship and I hope you get this. Maybe talk to professionals about your health initially rather than new acquaintances.
Hello there, thanks so much for your message and empathy. I've had had Bipolar for 19 years now and my son is now 20 years old.
I think that how people found out I was ill was from the school rumour mill when my son was in primary school. People do find psychosis and mental illness very frightening I think.
Also wanted the clarify the birth trauma association have told me I have ptsd my NHS psychiatrist refuses to accept this. She says that my main issue is psychotic illness.
I do not have a care coordinator or mental health nurse but have the crisis line and duty lines.
I miss having a good laugh and a chat with a group of friends.
Hi JoWe have something in common as my daughter is aged 21 and I was diagnosed with bipolar after I had PP after she was born. I had a psychotic breakdown aged 20 so I probably already had bipolar before my daughter was born.
That sounds bad luck about the school mums, it has always saddened me as to how immature they can be at the school gates.
I think you should ask for a second opinion regarding your nhs psychiatrist accepting the ptsd. I worked for the South West London and St George's Mental Health Trust Perinatal Team for about 6 months and based on my experience and training, I think it is relevant. They have trauma specialists.
Maybe ask your GP for a referral.
Try to join any activities where you can meet other people. There are lots and lots of extremely kind people out there too
That's amazing that you worked for St georges and we have children who are almost the same age. I think too that in the past I didn't realise how frightening alot of people find mental health issues. To be honest for the 19 years that I've been under St George's I have not found that the trust looked after me at all. I feel I was labelled and not given the support that I still desperately need. The NHS psychiatrist has told me that she and her team will not give me an second opinion or referrals and that I should ask my GP for this. I have an appointment with the GP a week on Friday so can ask him then. I really do cherish your reply as I feel we do have alot in common with our mental health history.
Are you on meds for your Bipolar and how long have you been On them? Do you have any sleep issues? Do you take any sleep meds? If it's okay to ask you all this.
I am sorry to hear that your experience of SWLSTG was not what you hoped for. The perinatal trauma team probably only deal with issues up to a child's age two, so that's a shame. It doesn't mean the issues don't still need treating years later.
I am unusual in that I am not on medication, but it has always got me well when I have taken it. I do a lot of self care - exercise, socialising, non stressful work.
My sleep is ok, I try not to worry about it and eventually my body rests.
Good luck with everything. Keep your eyes open for any groups you can join.
Thank you. I'm so amazed that you're not on meds. St georges seem very meds focused but then I've had 7 significant breakdowns since my son was 2 years old. His mental health has been deeply affected and his basic needs were at times very neglected when I was in hospital and my husband was at work. My side of the family all work but my mother in law was around and she never helped my husband. My son has broken off all communication with both sides of the family. After my last illness in 2022-2023 I was ill for about 6 months before being admitted to hospital. My son tried to raise the alarm to family and school but no one believed him. He cannot forgive my family for not helping him sooner. He is deeply traumatised and recently had 6 sessions with a lady therapist but has disengaged as he says that it was not helping him. He did see a guy based in Australia who was good with working with young men and I think that I'll try to encourage him to start seeing him again. I wonder if there are any other mums whose illness had an adverse effect on their child beyond the baby years.
I'm still desperately very lonely but the forum really helps.
So sorry to hear about your continuing struggle.I am fortunate to have only had 2 long episodes but each time, I was only really treated with medication and it has always worked for me.
I know everyone is different, but I can see why they focus on medication when it gets some people well.
Good luck at your GP appointment.
I hope that you have a relationship with your son.
Yes I have a close relationship with my son but his relationships with my extended family and inlaws has been greatly affected. He feels that he has not been believed when he's seen that I've been unwell and feels he was blamed by my family for not being able to articulate clearly that I was ill. I feel responsible for where my son is today. Like me he's very isolated. I've moved him to 7 senior schools since 2015. He was not able to focus at school and experienced some bullying and within that time I had 3 episodes. This meant that either we were living apart and he was in insecure housing with my husband or he was living with me and I was unwell. Because he's moved homes and schools so much he's not got any friends and has been trying to meet girls online to find a relationship but interestingly enough every single girl that he's met so far has a mental health struggle and that I think is a legacy from me that he's attracted to troubled young women. However in his case he's also experienced girl after girl emotionally abusing him. He had a lady counsellor for a couple of months but he has disengaged. We have had such a tragic 20 years with no real family support or stability. My husband has not been able to cope when I've been ill and my son has experienced a degree of neglect I think. I was a traditional stay at home mum so was tge lynch pin of the household. When I'm ill the whole household goes to pieces. At the moment I get myself to work so I'm not completely isolated but the house is a mess. My meds give me a lot of sedation and muscular pain so after work I want to blitz the house but am too exhausted. I'm thinking of getting in a monthly cleaner and someone to care for me a couple of times a month and see the private psychiatrist. All alot of money to try to repair the harm that I've personally experienced with the lack of care I've had on the NHS and from my family and inlaws.
Can you tell me if you and your husband have any outside support. I'm amazed by how many ladies on here found that their partners coped and helped them to care for their children so that they could recover. My husband has always had demanding but poorly paid jobs. So we relied on two incomes, when I became unwell it often meant that my husband couldn't afford the rent or the mortgage and then we'd all be homeless. My husband had to move in with his mum and my son was travelling miles to school and was exhausted. Its been such a hard time. My son's phone barely rings and I feel for him so much and know that it's my fault. Sorry for the long reply, thank you for reading.
I am so pleased to hear that you have a close relationship with your son, definitely the light in your story. Take good care of each other. It sounds very likely that he may end up working in a caring role, maybe helping people with poor mental health as it sounds like he has good insight.Perhaps he could try a different counsellor, someone he can engage with better, but hopefully nhs so it doesn't cost more money.
I am sorry to hear about your financial situation, it makes everything so much more difficult.
I have been lucky in that we were able to manage financially, which makes a huge difference. We had no nearby family support of any kind during my daughter's life.
Things were the opposite for me, my husband realised that being a full time housewife would be bad for my mental health so I went back to work. A good decision for me. We did employ a cleaner while I was working, but we eventually stopped this when I worked part time.
If you can afford it, I think a cleaner would be a good idea.
I don't think kids telephone each other these days, it's all online messages. Despite everything and the stability my daughter has had, she doesn't have many friends.
Your son sounds strong but it sounds like he would still benefit from counselling. However, it's so personal that you really need to click with that person.
Happy to talk with you on here anytime. I hope people's responses make you feel less lonely ❤️
Being that psychosis can be such a public mental illness did people find out about your illness and did this effect your ability to have close friends.
When I was on the MBU in 2002-2003, nearly everyone I knew visited me. I was psychotic. (But no work colleagues were invited)I was surprised at how accepting and open minded people were. I was aged 33, I don't know if that made a difference.
After I was discharged, I chose who to tell and that was virtually no-one. Therefore it didn't affect my ability to make friends as new people didn't know. However, after having PP, I lost my confidence, so I had to retrain myself to engage with people. I had a blank mind, so I had to work hard at it. Ask open questions etc.
I had psychosis at age 20 and lost contact with my close friends at the time. Decades later, we became friends again due to social media and a shared interest of the same music. Strangely, I asked them - "did my mental illness scare you off?"
They replied, "no, we thought you wanted space".
I never really look for close friends, they are few and far between. It's a real gift if you find a close friend. I am happy to find people who are happy to spend time with me. It's that strange thing that if you look too hard, it won't happen, it happens when you are not looking. But get yourself out there anyway you can. Good luck 🙏
I’m very sorry to hear about your loneliness. I do know how that feels. I left work to stay home for a while after my first child was born and it was like almost all society was cut off. The people I thought were friends at work just didn’t bother to keep up. I know they were all busy, and of course working, but it was very lonely indeed. At the time I found some refuge in church. That was many years ago.
I do sometimes tell people about having PP now, but only because I don’t have it anymore. When I was having psychosis I did not speak of it. It scares people and is very misunderstood. In fact, I don’t think you can fully understand it unless you have experienced it.
I do enjoy being around people, but I also like my alone time so I don’t know if I’d really say I’m an extrovert. Still, I do enjoy having friends and I know it’s very lonely without them.
I wonder if there are places you can meet people outside of mental health meetings? A good place to meet people sometimes is to volunteer a couple hours a week, at a senior living facility, or a church, a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, community garden, animal shelter, etc. I know the weather can be unpleasant outdoors in the UK at times, but getting outside in the air and sunshine can be tremendously helpful to your mental health. Doing work outdoors in the garden or on a farm is enjoyable and the physical activity makes you feel better all by itself.
If you don’t have access to that, find things to do in your home to keep busy. Sort photos, take up a craft, or puzzles. Keeping busy helps combat loneliness. Maybe learn an instrument like the piano or a new language. It’s never too late.
Hello there wanted to thank you for your kind reply and suggestions. I find being indoors very isolating to be honest and being alone in the house traumatises me. It reminds me or being a young mum, alone with a baby with many health problems. Even now it still terrifies me.
I’m sorry that you’re having such a difficult time, and that your psychiatrist isn’t supporting and understanding you. I have had that in the past and I know it left me feeling anxious about my care.
I’m the same as you, I am really sociable and love having lots of people around. My youngest is two and I didn’t go back to work so I feel lonely often. Definitely see if there are any local bipolar UK groups, maybe there is one a bit further afield if the local one didn’t work for you?
Hello there, so glad to hear back from you. I feel as though I'm going stir crazy and can totally understand what it feels like to be at home with a little one and to feel alone. I have tried over the years to go back to work but on each occasion I would become overwhelmed and experience a psychotic episode then have to leave under a cloud. The hardest is that many women I've known have cut off all communication with me. They treat me as if I'm dangerous and crazy and I've had my number blocked by people I thought of as friends. It's such a painful experience.
How do you find you function on the meds? Are you able to work, do housework, have a libido, get periods. My drugs have affected my libido they stopped my periods so now I'm in menopause. I feel very sluggish and very sedated and as mentioned before I get insomnia. Do you get any sleep issues?
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