Loneliness and psychosis

[JosephineFay]

Ladies I really need your help. When I was in university at age 21 I remember having no friends and feeling almost sick with depression. Once I left uni and started working that feeling went away.

However when I was a new mum and I came back home alone with the baby because my husband didn't want to take 2 weeks unpaid paternity leave I literally went crazy with loneliness.

I am naturally extroverted and need the company and companionship of other people to feel happy and sane.

I was neglected by my husband, extended family and inlaws when I had a baby and I did not know about mums and toddlers groups and the NHS midwives and health visitors only came to see me once.

This all led to my very first psychotic breakdown.

I grew up in a very big household. It was my parents, my young aunty, my 4 siblings and because of my dad's job we often had lots of visitors.

When my mum had her children she was never alone and got support from extended family. My mum had died by the time I had my son and my dad had had a disabling stroke. My son had two major operations by the time he was 3 months old.

I have found that loneliness and isolation make me feel very ill indeed. I have had so much rejection since having ppp and then Bipolar. I have been shunned by other mums at my son's primary school when he was little and when I've tried to share my diagnosis with ladies I'd hoped were friends I've been told repeatedly that the relationship is over or that they are blocking me.

I have very few friends and do not live close to the majority of my family or inlaws.

I feel desperately lonely all the time and my medication Haloperidol is a living nightmare.

I'm just wanting to know are there any women for whom the meds are a nightmare, who didn't have any support, whose husbands were so afraid of them when they were psychotic that he locked you out of the house for weeks?

Does anyone have a nhs psychiatrist who does not listen to them?

I told her on Monday that I have ptsd and she dismissed it even though the birth trauma association tell me I have classic signs of ptsd.

I feel so alone in my experience. On the forum most ladies say how well they sleep on their meds , I feel like I'm the only one who now has sleep issues because I tried to be compliant on the meds that the psychiatrist told me would transform my life.

I think about suicide very often these days because my sleep is so poor. I wonder are there any other mums like me who have not recovered with the passage of time since having their baby.

[Ellacott_08 Volunteer]

Hi JosephineFay

I'm Becky, one of APP peer supporters. I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment.

Postpartum psychosis can be very isolating and it must be very hard if you don't have a support network around you.

Have you been in touch with APP before?

We may have a in person cafe group near you, or we have online groups and 1 to 1 peer support.

Ive certainly found it a huge help to talk to other women who understand what you've been/going through.

When I was ill I tried a few different anti psychotics until I found one that worked well for me. Unfortunately I don't have any experience of the one you're currently taking, hopefully they'll be other forum members that can offer their experiences.

Do you have anyone else involved in your care that can help? Maybe a nurse or GP? Maybe your psychiatrist will listen to another health professional although they should be listening to you!

I'm hoping things will improve for you soon. Please reach out if you'd like more support from us.

Take care

Becky xx

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi JosephineFay,

I’m so very sorry that things have been so difficult over the years and that you feel so alone. It’s hard enough to become a new mum, and then to be unwell, I’m sorry you had to do this with so little support around you. I’m also sorry to hear that your psychiatrist dismissed you when you said you have PTSD at your appointment on Monday.

Have you looked at any groups and support that might be available through your local Mind or Bipolar UK perhaps? I wonder if there may be some classes or social groups you might find through such organisations - it may be a way to meet some new people and you’d know you’d already have a shared level of understanding of mental health issues and be able to skip over that worry? You might also find some local forums or online groups - the internet can be such a minefield but it can also be so helpful to connect people who wouldn’t otherwise find each other (like this one!)

I’m sorry to hear your thoughts have been going to such a dark place. Please reach out if you need to talk - Samaritans is there 24/7 on 116 123 and the National Suicide Prevention Helpline is open every day 6pm to midnight - 0800 689 5652. If you ever feel that you can’t keep yourself safe please get yourself to A&E or dial 999.

Look after yourself and know you can write here any time. I’m thinking of you.

Best wishes,

Jenny x