Feeling like you are dreaming

[Astarlove]

Do you sometimes feel loke all is a dream. And feel detouched with baby. Do you at times fddl like he or she is not yours like you havnt hiven birth yet? And worse have lost emotions only feel two... Happiness od sadness. No love nothing and it makea you panic like you are voi g crazy?

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Astarlove,

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, detached but also a lot of panic and anxiety. I had a lot of anxiety when recovering from PP, I really didn’t have much confidence at all in anything I was doing and questioned myself constantly. I definitely would have reacted to my baby choking on medicine in the same way you describe in your other post - I remember getting in a terrible state over a nappy that had leaked on a car ride home so my son had been wet and uncomfortable for all of 10 minutes probably, it felt like the end of the world.

Are you finding you can share how you’re feeling with those around you, I hope you have lots of support? I needed constant reassurance while building up some confidence in being a mum.

I know you mentioned in earlier posts that your medication had been changed, I hope you’re also able to be open with your doctors and professionals supporting you - do keep a track of how you’re feeling to help them get that balance right for you.

Take good care and be really gentle on yourself.

Jenny x

[The_Wes_Anderson_Fan Volunteer]

Hello Astarlove,Yes, I can identify with all of that. From developing post partum psychosis and during my recovery, everything often felt dreamlike and surreal. I think new babies rarely look like their mothers, mine didn't so it's easy to think they're not yours. Physically you often look like you haven't given birth too.

I had anti psychotic drugs and they really flattened my emotions. But eventually I made a full recovery but it took time.

I think everything you are going through is normal, keep all your medical professionals updated as frequently as you can. Take care, your full range of emotions will return once you are fully well, but it won't be quick X

[Astarlove in reply to The_Wes_Anderson_Fan]

Thank you so much. So the emotions do they come back before weaning off or after? How did you cope with looking at your child and feeling nothing....that has been the worst part of thr healing process. Just want to feel love cor my son and to know be is mine. I play my part as a mum but i want to get to enjoy it with full emotions. How do i stay at peace while waiting for them to cone back. Don't want it to make me anxious ans its no fun plauing with your babg yet you feel numb

[The_Wes_Anderson_Fan Volunteer]

Hello Astarlove, how old is your baby son? This will help me to answer your question from my own experience.When I had postpartum psychosis, I had such manic highs that I was given medication that made me virtually emotionless. It got me well.

Once I was better and able to control my emotions and my baby was a certain number of months old, I gradually became my old self.

99% if not all of the volunteers here have managed to get back to their normal selves emotionally, some need to stay on medication and some do not.

[Astarlove in reply to The_Wes_Anderson_Fan]

He is 8mnths now

[The_Wes_Anderson_Fan Volunteer in reply to Astarlove]

For me, once my daughter was 10 months onwards, I started to relate to her more. It is the age that they realise they are a separate entity to you. They become more of a person rather than just having to be looked after.

[Emero]

Hi Astarlove, I felt no emotions while taking olanzapine, only a sadness that didn't even feel like a real sadness. The drug dampened down my emotions. It was a horrible and strange feeling. Thankfully my emotions returned after stopping the drug, but this took a long time.

There are big risks involved in coming off meds when you are prone to psychosos but I believe everyone should to make their own decision.

Hopefully soon there'll be a medication that takes symptoms away without the dampening of emotions.

Best of luck with your journey.

[SJSharks]

Its okay to feel the way you’re feeling and in time you will feel that connection that you’re currently missing. Having a baby has been so romantized…but is so hard. It’s a complete lifestyle change and that’s without experiencing the traumatic psychosis we did.

Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Give yourself time to heal and I promise you will make a full recovery. The length of time it takes varies for everyone. But things will get better.