Feeling watched, please help!

[Zebrawhite]

I have a lingering feeling of being watched by by 'someone or an organisation'. I feel like I'm being tracked and what I'm doing is being broadcast somewhere on the dark Web for money. It doesn't help that my body feels different since having psychosis.

Has anyone else felt a similar thing before? Like the CIA is watching them for an experiment? I made the mistake of reading about MKUltra which the CIA did in the 70s, and this has made it even worse. I feel like some of the other patients and staff at the hospital were actors that were in on the experiment based on what they said to me, and that's the only way I can make sense of my experience.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Zebrawhite,

I'm sorry to read you're experiencing this, it must feel so unsettling to be having these thoughts. I remember believing everyone in the MBU with me was an actor when I was a patient there.

Have you spoken to anyone in your mental health team today? I know you've said you're in the process of being transferred between teams, but do reach out and chat through how you're feeling and the thoughts you're having, especially if they feel to be getting stronger. I know you've also said you're on the maximum dose of antipsychotics, but there may be some adjustments that are needed or other support they can offer.

Try to focus on the things around you that you know for sure to be real. If you're on your own today is there someone you can go and be with - I always felt better if I was with other people?

Take care and stay safe, I'm thinking of you.

Best wishes,

Jenny x

[RachelK_at_APP Moderator]

hi Zebrawhite,

I’m sorry to hear you are going through a hard time.

When I was going through pp, I remember thinking that people could hear me through the baby monitors.

Possibly what you have read recently is affecting you, I remember watching a thriller when I got out of hospital (something I’d normally watch) and then getting really upset as I thought I was like the ‘killer’. I stuck to comedies for a while after that!

Hopefully you can contact your mental health team and they can offer you some support.

Take care

Rachel

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Zebrawhite, I am so sorry you are experiencing this now, it must be so unsettling. Like Jenny said I also had thoughts that everyone in the MBU were actors and that they were constantly hiding things from me. Like Jenny and Rachel mentioned do reach out to your team and tell them about the thoughts you have been having recently. If you have been given the single point of access number it may be an idea to give them a ring if you are transferring in between teams.

Do let us know how you are getting on, we are thinking of you

Maria

[Zebrawhite in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Thank you Maria. I have reached out to thr team but there is nothing they can offer me at the moment.

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to Zebrawhite]

Hi Zebrawhite, I am sorry they have said that, have they given you a date for a first appointment with the new team to discuss therapy? How has your sleep been? How are you feeling today?

Maria

[Zebrawhite in reply to Maria_at_APP]

I haven't got a date with the new team yet. My sleep is ok as my medication knocks me out. I'm feeling just as bad today x

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to Zebrawhite]

It sounds awful Zebrawhite, I am so sorry, if things do not improve do go back to them, it sounds very debilitating at the moment and I can imagine this must be impacting your ability to cope with the day to day. Here if you need anything, I hope getting things off your chest helps in some way.

[Fowler01]

Hi zebrawhite how are you doing? You are doing the right thing by reaching out when you are not feeling great. Let me know if I can help in any way. I’m 16 months PP and starting to feel more myself and in a position that I feel I’m strong enough to help others. Take care and please remember it will get better

[Zebrawhite in reply to Fowler01]

Hi Fowler01, I'm still not feeling better. I just went to a yoga class and couldn't feel any of the stretches. I still think something has been done to my body otherwise I can't explain this lack of sensation. How long did it take for you to get past your delusions? Did you have anything similar to mine about being watched?

[Fowler01 in reply to Zebrawhite]

It could be the medication causing lack of sensation maybe talk to GP. I think it was about a week maybe two, I can’t really remember I was pretty out of it in the thick of it. I didn’t have any feeling of being watched but I was very paranoid for example I constantly thought the building was on fire or something bad was going to happen to my family.

[Zebrawhite in reply to Fowler01]

I have talked to the GP and they are doing some tests. I can't stop the delusions until I know what is causing the lack of sensation

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Zebrawhite

I'm so sorry you're struggling with delusions, and this lack of sensations as well. That's good you're in touch with your GP, and I hope you can get some support from your mental health team too. Try to be honest and open with them, perhaps write down the kind of thoughts and experiences you are having, just so you can be clear when you meet them.

I really hope you can get some more support to improve your symotoms. Know we're here to write whenever you need to

Ellie