✨can I please catch a break soon!? ✨

[KeiraMarie]

Hey everyone, sorry been quiet on here over the last week or so, sadly things haven’t been easy for me AT ALL

My mum hasn’t been very well now on/off since mid July, & cause she has pulmonary fibrosis she put it down to a flare up of her symptoms & thought nothing anymore of it..

last Thursday during my Grandads funeral she was VERY unwell but somehow out of sheer determination proceeded with attending the funeral & wake staying till 6pm.. she was very shakey & hot all day & did say a few times to me all she wants to do is go home & lay down..

by last Friday she was no better worse intact so I rang her an ambulance & within 10mins they was outside my house!

Turns out she was admitted ASAP & has sepsis & pneumonia 😢

So she’s been in hospital a week today, & I’m at home just keeping my head above water, looking after my two boys & keeping our home ticking over..

They have her on three different kinds of antibiotics as of right now as they ain’t sure as to what the infection is or where it’s located, she is also having chest x rays & blood tests taken every few days to check her levels for infection

I’ve been allowed to see her which has massively put my mind at ease cause I really did think at one point I was sadly going to loose my mum 4weeks after my grandad & I wasn’t even sure if I would of been able to process that or handle it 💔

I think if that was to be the outcome it would break me.. period..

as of right now they haven’t given a date as to when they feel she can be discharged home so it’s just a waiting game & once they recieve her blood results back they will go from there..

I feel a mix of emotions, lonely ,sad, scared, scared for the future, anxious, missing my mum, missing my lovely grandad, & I don’t even know how I’m holding it all together.. I get through my days counting down the hrs till bedtime.. as I can’t wait to get in to bed each night with a cuppa & just simply switch off from the pressure/stress & responsibility of been a mummy.. it’s all very overwhelming lately.. but I’m still here, still holding up & making the best of a sad awful time the best I can 💕

Thankyou to all who have been nothing but so kind & lovely I do appreciate it honestly it means so much to me

Xx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi KeiraMarie,

I am so sorry to read how your mum has had to be admitted to hospital with sepsis and pneumonia. It must have been so heart wrenching to hear about the severity of it, with everything else you have been dealing with lately. I do feel so much for you lovely.

From your post it sounds like they are taking really good care of her, from the promptness of the ambulance crew to the repeated tests every few days, they are giving her their all. It is an anxious wait for the discharge, I can imagine, but if I could suggest something is to turn your attention to the progress she is making everyday on her recovery, the discharge will come when she is well enough to be at home.

I cannot figure how demanding of you is this situation, as you say it feels like all you can do is keep your head above the water and getting through another day. We are always here for you when you need it, but in the same way you described how your lovely family gathered together to honour your grandad, gather them now around you and seek out their support, it is so important to feel you are not in this alone.

You are incredibly strong and a loving person and mother.

I'll be thinking of you and your mother, wishing her a swift recovery. Take care.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi KeiraMarie

I am so sorry too that your mum has been admitted to hospital with sepsis and pneumonia. I know, reading all your posts, how much you have been through, with the death of your grandad too. I am not surprised you are feeling overwhelmed. It sounds like you are doing so amazing to keep going, to be looking after your children and supporting your dad, and mum, in hospital. You are so strong and resilient - what an amazing woman you are! Anyone, even if they hadn't had PP, would be struggling right now.

I really hope your mum will recover quickly, and be home soon - I guess you can be reassured she's in the right place, and they know what is wrong with her, and what treatment she needs. And it's so good you've been able to visit her.

I am not surprised you're counting the hours until bedtime where you can have the rest, I'm sure you need to recover each day from everything you're holding and going through. Definitely don't feel bad about that, and I hope you can find things that can help you relax and switch off a bit then so you can recover and manage the next day?

I'm not sure if you have a mental health team supporting you at the moment, and whether they know what is happening for you at the moment, and can offer you some more support?

Thinking of you, and I'm so glad you've reached out on here for support. Keep writing whenever you need to, at anytime.

Take care, Ellie X

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello KeiraMarie,

I am so sorry for your loss of granddad and now mum being so poorly is an additional sad encounter to digest. You are such a kind and caring person, and being there for your mum...please find some rest and self-care for re-charging your batteries. Do you have any support to speak about your worries and fears?

Sometimes it is so difficult for individuals to comprehend how much this affects our mental health, because of PPP recovery. I share my compassion.

Yes, when external factors kick into our private lives, managing to cope with additional stressors is like filling up the lid excessively, and one is trying so hard that not more is bubbling over, preventing the lid from exploding...

During the time when my dad was dying in 2013 I was participating in a support group, where people had all kinds of mental health issues. Those very sensitive and wonderful individuals helped me a lot with my sorrow and to prepare myself for what was going to come. To this day I do not know where I found the strengths to jump onto the plane to Spain in order to support my mum, (that was the only time without my son) I still was recovering from PPP and living with huge anxieties and Insomnia.

Please take each day as it comes, you can not change the situation, and just approach little goals and in stepping stones. Establishing a support network amongst your family members in covering your mums needs maybe something to be discussed.

You are a lady full of strengths. We are thinking of you. Take good care of yourself, please.

x

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer]

Hi KeiraMarie

I'm so sorry for the loss of your granddad - and for how poorly your mum has been. I hope she's started to feel better soon, and has a plan for discharge. It sounds incredibly stressful for you. I hope you have some good support from other family members, and friends too. We are all thinking of you.

best wishes

Kat x

[Varvarita]

Hi KeiraMarie, just wanted to to check in, how are you today? x X from frosty Moscow

[Becciandbump]

I’m really sorry to hear you are going through a rough time, try to have faith in the hospital where your mum is. Sepsis can be treated if coughs early. I’m so sorry you feel like you can only just keep your head above water, we can all feel like that some days I know I do. So sorry to hear you are missing your grandad. My grandparents passed away sometime ago now and I still think of them a lot. Maybe try splitting your day down into breakable chunks or put some photos together of you grandad as a keepsake. Being a mum can be stressful so I can also understand that- remember you’re doing a good job and are a great mum. You do right to put your feet up with a cup of tea you deserve it xxxx sending love

[Arabella-]

Dear KeiraMarie

Oh no, what a stressful time for you - I hope you will look back on this short period and be proud of how you coped.

It will pass, although it might not feel like it right now. You are such a strong person, caring for your boys and just keeping going. I have that feeling of being on countdown to my time every day! Seriously! I think you need that brief “me time” as much as you need food or rest. Don’t feel bad for wanting it.

Well done on reaching out. Don’t stop.

All my love,

Arabella x