my wife has very bad pp and i endup to look after our 3 kids on my own really really confused

hi this is the 3rd week my wife sectiond and admited in hospital.she is very very confused and still doesn't realise she is ill witch is very sad.she mixing everything together and conect the ppl and names and addresses together and she think everything is got meaning.everyone are her family she even think i live there in the mens ward upstairs its unbelievable how she turned to this stage she has a very up and down mood swings and can be very aggressive and can be very calm 1min she think ward manager is her brother who never met and next min she think he is her uncle.

i go to visit her everyday and take her some homecook meal cos she lost alot of weight cos she cant eat or either sleep she might sleep 2 hours max on the chair not in bed

i take the kids to visiting their mum sometimes little one who is 2 months old now .its so heartbreaking she never bonded with her mum

she missed the girls alot lately she saying i want to come home and want my kids many often she blaming me for being in there cos i took her to a&e when she been sectiond and it was me taking her to the psychiatric hospital.i feel very guilty and think she never going to recover of this scary illness.

she hasnt had no improvement at all they changed her med last Friday and put her on another pill but it seems she get more bad symptoms like b4 i feel very useless and tierd i got 4 yr old going to reception 32 month going to nursery and 2 months old.

just dont know what else i cant do to help the situation get better..

i really grateful to find this site and find the ppl with the same problems witch i never knew about it in my whole life.

can someone reply to my post please

i need more info and advice witch can be the life changer .

thanks in advance and wish u the best day to day life.

30 Replies

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  • Hi Alireza,

    First i need tell "Dont give up and please support, love your wife"

    Second you are in right forum. I was there in the same situation before a year time, if you had a time check my posts.

    Ok, whether you got the result for your wife, whether this is Postpartum Psychosis? If so it will take some time to get set all, atleast 7 to 12 months in my own experience. Whether she got the same experience in her old deliveries?. If it is PP then yes it is curable.

    Its soo sad that you are taking care of your 2 months baby and other kids, its hard.. Please check for any MBU units in your area if there is no one for you to help, in my case i had my relatives to take care of my kid and i was there with my girl all time.

    Caring, love, MEDICINE will make all things. My wife was admitted for PP before a year time, and still she is taking medicines, but she is good now.

    Dont afraid, PP is curable

    Thanks.

    Jo

  • hi thanks for ur reply.of course i never give up i want her to get well and be there for her kids no matter how long it takes.

    and no she never has this postpartum psychosis in her other delivery but this time she went through the hard time first she had a miscarriage not long after she get pregnant again and she was so worried in case it happens again i was there all the time and supporting her but my wife worries tomuch anyway everythings was okay till she found her dad who she was thinking his death after 8 years missing from care home on Facebook when she was 7 month pregnant.he was getting abuse in carehome so she ask me to let him move with us and i didn't want to stress her out her dad is 80 years old with dementia anyway after a month when she was 8 month pregnant 1 day i was out with my toddler in park then my phone rang and i had her on the phone and her dad try to attack her and chase her all over the house but luckily she managed to ranoutside and ring me she was crying and shaking when i get there so police moved him out to another carehome then she get depressed over what happened thats y ahe had a baby 2 week earlier and delivery was fantastic it happens very quick normal delivery when she was supposed to have her by cs and her pregnancy was great compare to last 2 pregnancy most of the time she wasn't even feel she pregnant.baby was small just 5.8lb witch she lost a weights and gone below 5 lb but after 2 weeks she gain her weight she is around 10lb now and i got no worries about her.

    now i want to know did ur wife has a symptom of believe and hearing the voice all that time or they stopped has she get better only by anti psychotick and mood stabiliser

    how many times they changed her med till they find the right 1 has she okay for day2day task and looking after the kids ??

    thanks for reading my post and again very kind of u to reply and yes sure i definitely reading ur experience ..

    best wishes and hope she will b drug free soon all the best

  • Hi Alireza,

    Yes hearing voice, mood changes are common in PP. We had the same in our experience.

    Dont afraid for anything, taking medicine will cure all. She need rest thats it. It will take some time, wait for it.

    Take care on your kids

  • Hi Alireza07,

    So sorry to hear you and your wife are having to go through this.

    My wife suffered with pp with our first child, it was a complete shock and as you say very scary.

    I know it's easy to say but you should not feel guilty, your wife needs the help at this terrible time and as you seem to be doing already, it's the being there for her.

    Do you have friends and family close by that can help you? It could be helping with the children, or the shopping, or even just to come round and make you a coffee!

    I found that it was important to have some 'me' time and for me that was doing some sport, it was only a couple of hours in the week but it helped.

    My wife was admitted to a Mother & Baby Unit with our child able to stay with her. In those first weeks it was a very up and down journey, there were times when I thought I'd never get my wife back but I did, it took time but she got better.

    I've no doubt others will respond here as well.

    Zapple

  • hi

    thanks for reply and yes they wanted to sent her to mbu in Nottingham when we live in Birmingham and we both refuse they got no feeling how they expect me and kids to visit her.she is not in the state to look after her self at the moment.how they expecting her to look after 2 months old baby she need rest and quiet time to relax and looking after baby could be very difficult in some point.

    she is under section 3 now and doc gave her section 17 to leave the ward for 1 hour everyday with the member of staff since last week but they never ever took her out and they saying she is not ready i even offer them i will going with her and staff to take her out to community t least for half an hour .that might help her get better but they refused .

  • Hi, our experience of an MBU was really good, initially my wife was in no fit state to look after our baby but the staff really got involved and looked after both of them; as and when my wife started to improve, she was able to look after our little one more and more, either way she was able to see him and it helped the bond, even though initially she felt there was nothing there.

    As you say, no good if the MBU is too far away, but the one in Birmingham may be an option to think about if available.

    For us, it was ages before we were allowed out, even for just 30 minutes and then the time was increased gradually, my wife was in the MBU for about 11 & a half weeks.

    In those first few weeks we kept visitors down to virtually zero, allowing the MBU team to find the right treatment for her.

    Anyway, thinking of you all and hope things improve soon.

  • Hi,

    This is the first time I have posted on here however this site was very helpful for me during my Mrs fight with PPP. What you are experiencing just now sounds exactly the same experience I had even in the 3rd week when you expect it to subside a little. I can reassure you it gets better once the medication is sorted out although it is hard to comprehend and you at this point will never feel things will be the same or how you will cope but they will get back to normal at some point and your Mrs will get back to herself but she will need you to keep just being by her side and making her feel safe, even if she blames you, you have done 100% the right thing. Sometimes you feel like you want to walk away from it all however that is the easy way out and not good for your mrs or kids.

    Just remember when the medication is sorted out you know your lady better than the doctors and know what actions are best to help her gain confidence and recover quicker. It's a horrible dark time for you but please stay strong and focused, get your support network around you so you can focus on helping your lady get back to her normal self which will take patience and time but will happen. Good luck with it all, you'll have your family back in no time!!

  • I'm so sorry, your family is going through something terrible, but things will get better. It can take a long time but chances are your wife will come out of this stronger.

    The best thing would be to get her into an MBU; being with your baby will help her recovery & bonding & should ease a little of the pressure on you.

    Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time you just being there with your wife helps her a lot & she won't be angry when she's better. I was sectioned during my 1st episode of PP & spent 1st 2 wks on general adult psychiatric ward until they got us a place in mbu. My husband travelled in ambulance to the hospital with me & I remember being very angry with him when he left me in hospital but once I started to get better I realised 1) he had no choice & 2) I needed to be in hospital.

    If you have friends & family nearby let them help as much as possible with the practicalities of caring for your young family & running your home. When your eife improves visits from them will probably give her a great boost but it sounds like for now the fewer visitors the better, although hospital staff should be able to offer advice on this.

    Once she starts to sleep I'm sure you'll see big improvements, this can take time as it takes a while for meds to build up in her system to slow down racing thoughts & allow her to sleep.

    You also have to look after yourself & get emotional support from friends, family & forums such as this.

    Please have patience with yourself & your wife, this will take time but she will get better.

    Wishing your family all the best xx

  • Hello Alireza07

    In some way it must be reassuring for you to read from partners who have replied to say that you wife will be well in time. If your wife does have PP, the delusions will be very real and at times frightening to her. So although they make no sense to you it is important to believe what your wife is saying and encourage her to keep communicating with you.

    Has your wife been given a diagnosis of Postpartum Psychosis? Hopefully she is having good care in hospital. I was sectioned many years ago to a general psychiatric unit. It is very distressing for you to see your wife so unwell but if she does have PP, it is a temporary illness and with good medical care and your loving support she will fully recover.

    It must be exhausing for you to visit your wife everyday and cope with three young children. Your wife will say hurtful things to you but it's just the illness taking over as she is fighting to be well for her family, missing home too.

    Take good care of yourself at this time too as it is very stressful. It's not easy but try to relax, possibly when your treasured children are asleep.

    We are all here for you to lean on.

  • Hi

    So sorry to hear you are going through such a horrible time. I had pp 2 years ago and it was so frightening. I was in a psychiatric hospital for 10 weeks over christmas time and with medication which took quite a few weeks to start working and lots of love and support from my husband and family I recovered and feel so much stronger and more confident and it was so scary at the time, I had delusions my baby was ill and abnormal and wasn't developing even though he was fine. I also thought everyone was police and I was going to jail for the rest of my life and it is so real, I didn't comprehend what was reality and thought I was being spied on all the time. Keep visiting with your children and I am sure in time she will bond as it took me I would say about a year to recover and feel more normal, don't give up hope, love can conquer this awful illness,

    Take care, best wishes to all of your family

    Vicky xx

  • I'm so sorry that you and your wife are going through this, you say you are in Birmingham, Can you ask for a place in the Birmingham mother and baby unit this is based in the Barberry at the Q.E hospital and would be the best place for her as she could have her baby with her and would have support in caring for her. A lot of the symptoms you describe sound familiar to what I experienced, I also thought staff members were family. Which medication is she on? I was given a cocktail of drugs and the only one that bought my symptoms under control was olanzapine. There were times that I shouted and swore at my family particularly my husband and sister as I blamed them for me being there. Do you have any family supporting you? Are the staff keeping you informed? I really do feel for you and your family at this awful time, you need to be kind to yourself, I actually feel that although it was horrendous for me being the patient I actually think it was harder for my husband who was trying to keep everything together, visit me, and work. Please keep talking on here everybody is here to support you.

  • hi thanks 4 ur reply yes they did change her medication to olanzapine since last friday they start with 10mg and higher her dose yesterday i been there to visit but unfortunately she has been sleep.they said she has been very abusive and sworing at them and ....they offered her and she refused and they have to restrain her and give her an injection to calm her down .

    its so sad to hear it and can't do nothing about it she's going through very hard times .

    they said this new med is work quite good and hopefully we gonna see some improvement but since they change the medication she had more bad symptoms and her moodswings getting worse..

    how long does it take for olanzapine to start working

    how do you feel now r u still having any symptoms .

    hope u okay and wish u and ur family all the best

  • I was ill 4.5 years ago, it does take a while to find the right medication and the right dosage for each individual . I was on a high dosage of 20 which was gradually reduced but I was on the medication for a year. I am completely well now and have gone on to have another pregnancy and I was not ill afterwards which I hope gives you some hope. Just remember the things your wife are doing are not her but the awful illness. I hope they find the right dosage soon.

  • When my wife was very ill, I was looking for some magic form of words that would get through to her, and felt guilty when I failed. She was in a kind of waking dream. Just making random associations that sounded like they might mean something, but didn't. If your wife is in that state you really have to be patient and wait until they find the right treatment to bring her around. Until that happens there is nothing you can do that you aren't already doing.

    It must be hard to hear her blaming you that she's in hospital, but you had no choice. You did the right thing for her, you and your family. And she will get better.

    Make sure you look after yourself. Seek help if you need it.

    Andy

  • thanks for ur reply i know thats not nice but there is the safest place for her to be and getting treatment

    this illness its like a magic turn some1 like this

    all the best mate

  • Hi Alireza07, I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time right now too, like the others have said, it's temporary & your wife will get better. Getting PP out of the blue is a real shock & you probably have a lot of questions right now - free to ask anything you want to, we've been there, come through it & are here for you now. (Don't feel you have to reply to all the posts though, we know how much you've got on your plate & don't want to add to your workload).

    Your wife's symptoms, scary though they are, sound very common & a lot of us here have experienced similar things, luckily medication gets to work on them fairly quickly. The strange things your wife is doing & saying aren't her, it's just the illness talking so try not to take anything personally,

    It's a time to be strong & take courage from knowing she'll get better, but it's also a time for self-care too. As the others say, look after yourself, get your family to help with chores etc., eat properly, rest lots & chat to a close friend if you can.

    There's a new guide for partners that some of the lovely husbands here helped write. If you get chance to, have a read as there's lots of useful tips in here: app-network.org/wp-content/...

    Try not to worry about the bond between your wife & youngest daughter, it's not as it should be right now & that's totally understandable after such a tough start - in time & with support, it will happen though just as it should. A lot of us here can vouch for that.

    Yes, the Mother & Baby Unit in Birmingham is excellent & would be a lovely place for your wife to recover while being with your youngest daughter. Weren't there any places available & are you waiting for a bed to move her there?

    Take extra care of yourself & hang in there. Everything will be OK. Let us know how you're getting on if you have time.

  • Hi Alireza07

    I'm so glad you have found the forum. We are here for you as long as you need - and I hope you have been reassured by hearing from many other mums and dads that a full recovery is possible - it just takes time.

    I'm glad to hear that your wife has been able to sleep more recently - this should really help. I took Olanzapine and it did really help to calm me down, helped me to sleep and in about 2-3 weeks it helped the unusual beliefs to settle down. Similarly to your wife, I believed that lots of things were connected and had meaning, and I thought that other patients and staff in the hospital were linked to people I knew in my life. Now that I am recovered, I can look back and realise that these were symptoms of the illness, but it all felt so real at the time. Have lots of patience with your wife as she gradually comes back to reality.

    Hope you find our guide for dads helpful - it explains about different medications, and talks through things that can help with recovery: app-network.org/wp-content/...

    Hoping you start to see small improvements in your wife every day

    Take good care of yourself

    Naomi x

  • Hi again

    Thought you might find this information about the Barberry (Chamomile Suite) useful - this is the Mother & Baby Unit in Birmingham. I hope you are able to speak to the staff at the hospital about arranging a transfer here so that your wife and 2-month old can be supported together.

    bsmhft.nhs.uk/our-services/...

    Naomi x

  • hi naomi thank u 4 ur reply yes i spoke to the nurse yesterday and they arrange with the psychiatric ward to transfer her there when the bed is available so she is in the waiting list .

    the main problems there is her belive she think she is the nurse or ward manager and she always argue with them over other patients and that so moving to mother and baby might be a good idea for her to belive she is the mum instead of nurse or the manager ..

    just can't wait 4 her to get back to normal ...

    warm regards

  • Hi alireza07

    I was in a very similar situation to you just under 2 years ago. I'm sure the 3 weeks since it all began has been absolutely horrible and incredibly scary, and no doubt you feel pretty helpless - all compounded because you are going through this awful time without your wife's support or company, as she is the one that is ill. But as others have said she will get better - it won't happen very quickly, and it may be that some days she seems worse again before she gets better. But it will happen with the right medication. My wife was very ill - it sounds quite similar actually - all sorts of hallucinations, and ravings, and confusion about who was who and what they were saying, and feeling like she was dead, or being subjected to some form of strange torture - all this she was only able to tell us later. But olanzapine eventually cured her of all that. She wasn't much better after 1 or 2 weeks, but she was a bit better after about 4 weeks (with ups and downs), and then 5-6 weeks in she was a lot better. She went into the MBU on 19 Nov 2012, had her first leave of a few hours on Christmas Day 2012, and was finally discharged on 31 Jan 2013 - which is now quite a big day in our family calendar.

    Do not feel guilty about taking her to A&E. You did the right thing - no question. I did that, and then on the advice of the psychiatrist there, i drove her and our little boy down to the MBU late that same evening. Probably the worst day of my life. I felt awful. To be honest I shouldn't have done the driving as I wasn't in a fit state.

    The MBU i think will be a really positive step. I expect if she is confused there may be an initial period when it seems weird for her. But she will be in a place where most importnatly she can be with the baby, and also importantly she will have supportive staff who will help her with the baby. Sometimes that will mean looking after the baby completely, other times it will mean helping her to look after the baby.

    Now 2 years on we're in a good place, and we have been for some time. Obviously our little boy has no idea what happened, he is very attached to his mum and loves her dearly.

    Keep us all posted

    tvr

  • Just one other thing, if you have a moment (I'm sure you are incredibly busy!), have a look at this thread which i started when i was in a similar state to you, 2 years ago. It might help to look at the trajectory from my initial somewhat desperate post (which i clearly remember writing late one night at home alone), to the happier tones of a few months later - with all the incredibly valuable advice of others on the forum in between, which is definitely worth a read.

    healthunlocked.com/app-netw...

  • I was just wondering how things were going for both you and your wife and hoping that you are both getting support.

  • hi hope u okay

    not happy at all about the treatment thy put my wife on.when she went there she use to take only 1 pill twice a day but she take 10 at 8am. 2 at 12 ,2 at 6,10 at 10 pm i just don't know y she have to take that much pills.

    anyway after 7 weeks she had her first leave 4 three hour than i took her back on time and yesterday they rang me and said we have to talk to u and coming out with her urine screen come positive o drugs and i was so shocked over it and they didn't even go to the ward to see her and they said ur visit will be supervised.they stress me out and i could not believe what i heard ,but in this morning when i went there hospital manager came down and said im really sorry we did a mistake the nurse read the result wrong and we had another test and everything is negative.how the hell qualify nurse reading the urine screen wrong the cancelled my wife leave and streets me and her over nothing make me drive there inthe rain and didnt let me go in telling me if u try to come in we ring the police stop me to talk to my wife on the phone

    they just out of order they not professional at all.if she is sleep for dinner they dont wake her up and she end up with no dinner they just dont care about the patient at all and treat them very unfair just dont know what the best thing to do i think they make her worse by all this medication she is very sensitive to pills and getting the bad side affect

    very very angry dont know what to do

  • not happy at all about the treatment thy put my wife on.when she went there she use to take only 1 pill twice a day but she take 10 at 8am. 2 at 12 ,2 at 6,10 at 10 pm i just don't know y she have to take that much pills.

    anyway after 7 weeks she had her first leave 4 three hour than i took her back on time and yesterday they rang me and said we have to talk to u and coming out with her urine screen come positive o drugs and i was so shocked over it and they didn't even go to the ward to see her and they said ur visit will be supervised.they stress me out and i could not believe what i heard ,but in this morning when i went there hospital manager came down and said im really sorry we did a mistake the nurse read the result wrong and we had another test and everything is negative.how the hell qualify nurse reading the urine screen wrong the cancelled my wife leave and streets me and her over nothing make me drive there inthe rain and didnt let me go in telling me if u try to come in we ring the police stop me to talk to my wife on the phone

    they just out of order they not professional at all.if she is sleep for dinner they dont wake her up and she end up with no dinner they just dont care about the patient at all and treat them very unfair just dont know what the best thing to do i think they make her worse by all this medication she is very sensitive to pills and getting the bad side affect

    very very angry dont know what to do

  • Oh how awful for you, I'm sorry that's all happened at an already stressful time. I can understand how angry you feel, it must feel like yet another blow when you really don't need it. The important thing though is to stay calm & focus on your wife getting better. It's good the ward manager apologised to you & admitted their mistake - hopefully they'll give your wife much better & closer care now. It's sounds bad not waking your wife for dinner too, but maybe it was a one off & they felt it was more important that your wife sleeps at that time & she could eat later? I know getting lots of sleep was most important for my recovery as it was for a lot of us here. If it happens again though, how about talking to them about it to make sure it doesn't happen again?

    Yes initially it does seem like there are so many pills to take, especially if she's not had to take them before but they really are helping your wife & are key to her getting better. The side effects can be difficult at the start but they do settle down as your body gets used to them so it's really just a case of waiting. It'd be helpful to encourage your wife to take them & reassure her that the side-effects will settle, things will get better & she will recover.

    Is there any news yet about her moving to the Mother & Baby Unit? Hang in there, I know there's lots wrong about the situation at the moment & it all feels very strange but you're doing all the right things, she's safe & getting the help she needs.

  • hi

    she is there nearly 2 months and to tell u the true its not much improvement at all they just changing her medication from 1 to next 1,they give her 20mg of diazipam witch is alot and 2 days ago she bang her head so hard to the wall because of dizziness and drowsiness they just drug her up i feel like they using her for there own experience by giving her different drug its very hard time to see her like this she still doesn't know why she is there she told me today what am i doing here i didn't do anything wrong y u put me with the ppl like this in hospital she is the only mum there and the rest suffer another sort of mental illneses and being with them somtime is affecting her and i feel her consultant is not experience for her situation mbu r full it is so frustrating and heart breaking

  • Hi alireza07

    I'm so sorry to hear this and can understand you feeling very angry about the mixed up urine test results. I am glad that the ward manager apologised.

    It must feel very confusing and stressful for you at the moment. Are you able to get any support for yourself from family and friends - maybe helping out with your children for a while so you can get some rest? You might also find it helpful to contact HomeStart here home-start.org.uk/finds... who can provide volunteers to help you while your wife is in hospital.

    As Andrea says, all the pills may seem like a lot of medication at the moment but this will be to help your wife get the rest and sleep that she needs to recover. Over time, you will probably find that here doses are reduced as she begins to get better and her mental health becomes more stable.

    I hope you are able to have some leave together this week - try and do something nice for you both like a coffee and cake at a local cafe.

    We are here for you whenever you need us - keep talking. This really hard situation will get better and your wife will recover - it just takes longer than we want sometimes.

    Warm wishes

    Naomi

  • thanks for all the reply and great advice i feel much better by reading every1 reply i know im not alone ..

  • hi and thanks for kind reply and hopes

    i ask the doc to reduce the Diazepam and they put her from 20mg to 10mg. becuase she was very drowsy(i hope they didnt cut it down very fast ),like this she get less sleepy in a day so she can get some sleep at night,she is on olanzipine 20mg nearly 3 weeks but still think she fight 4 the world and she find all her family there and she is the nurse and .... still aint relies she is ill she believe she is work there but i hope the medication build up in her system and slowly stop this false thought and believes,she got 3 hours leave so i get her out and around everyday to stop her feel locked up and that make her much calmer. once she told me i put her in jail and take her kids away from her and i know how hard it is for her when she doesn't relies something wrong with her and that was making her more upset and depressed but section 17 leave really stop her feel like that.

    compare to weeks ago she is much calmer and more listen to u instead just talk none stop and that is the improvement,but it suppose be a long trip for her to get there but the main thing is she will get there.

    warm regards

  • Hi alireza07

    It was really good to read this update - you are so right, it is a long journey but there are very good signs of hope; she is having more leave and enjoying being with you, she is more calm, she is getting more rest. I really hope this has continued over the last 12 days and you are able to see more improvement in her thoughts and beliefs.

    It must be so hard to see someone who you love so much believing things that are not real, but you can't convince them. I know some of our other dads said it felt easier to focus on practical things with the baby, and chatting about day-to-day routines rather than getting stuck in long conversations about beliefs. I remember I talked so much at the beginning that my poor husband was exhausted. It is good to hear you wife has slowed down a bit and is more able to listen in her conversations now.

    Hoping for more good news over the next few weeks. Keep looking after yourself too, you are doing an amazing job

    Naomi

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