I had PP back in August (2015) so it's only really been four months since I was unwell. I suppose I shouldn't expect too much but I just feel so sad that my life is the way it is right now.
I have a beautiful little girl who is four and a half months, but I don't enjoy looking after her. I don't enjoy being a mum. It feels like I have sacrificed so much. I don't know what's left of the person I was before. And I don't even know if this is because of the PP or whether I'd have felt like this anyway.
I find it so hard to care about myself. I rarely wash my face or put on makeup. It feels like I have to constantly be on "standby" for my little girl so there's no time to do anything for myself anymore. I have to wait until my husband is home just to wash my hair because I'd have to leave her alone for too long otherwise. I don't read or meditate - both things I used to love doing. It feels like there is nothing in my days that really defines who I am as a person. It feels like my whole life has been put on standby. I wish time away - I hope that I'll be happier when my daughter can talk and interact more and we can have a more obvious connection. On the other hand, part of me is afraid that it's just wishful thinking and I won't actually feel better and will just be wishing time away forever, or at least for a very long time.
I wish I could enjoy being a mum. Does anyone else feel like this? Or does anyone who has felt it in the past have an advice?