Feeling totally flattened by the events since my daughter arriving just over a year ago. I was so in love with her, with my family with the world when she arrived. I had so much energy. I was elated and elevated into the highs of what my doctors would call a mania. And I guess that was unsustainable. Yet observing the total wreck of a person I am witnessing myself to be these days isn’t much better. My house is upside down, I can’t keep on top of even the simplest of jobs, clutter everywhere, cooking, which I used to love, is a dread. All of this on top of homeschooling an inquisitive six year old and looking after just beginning to walk toddler.
Often questioning when will this phase pass? I have now come of the antipsychotics which is brilliant, yet I am “gifted” with the most ghastly discontinuation symptoms of headaches and insomnia, which arrive with its worries (relapse!) though getting much better then last week.
Those of you who have gone through the whole phase of recovery.
Does life get back into its tracks eventually?
For me, this part of recovery seems absolutely never-ending! Chuck the odd global pandemic and a lockdown in the mix and I feel like I am set for a grand failure.
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BarboraO
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Hi BarboraO. It seems like you are dealing with a lot right now. Your post struck a chord with me as a mum of a six and a two year old at the end of my tether with lockdown. Your description of PP also struck a chord with me ie the mania and elevated mood when your baby was first born only to be followed by feeling flattened with depression and anxiety afterwards. This was with my first and with my second I had psychosis again when he was 11 months old which was very out of the blue. About 18 months after that I'm just starting to feel back to my old self, although I still have bad days. But things do definitely get better. You are juggling so much right now and it's easy for us to focus on the negatives rather than the positives but look at all the things you are doing! Looking after two children and homeschooling one all while dealing with the effects of withdrawal from pretty powerful medication. I feel your frustration about the house mine is also messier than I would like without much of a break from the two kids for the past 12 weeks. I'm looking forward to my son going back to school next week! I have to remind myself that mess and clutter doesn't matter so long as the kids and you are safe. RE cooking, I'm also fed up of the constant need to provide food for two kids - three meals a day plus snacks for 12 weeks solid for two kids has been a chore. But you've done it. Be proud of what you have provided for them. A loving home and full tummies! At the end of the day what more do kids really need than that? With regards to the sleep issue and improving your mood I find hypnotherapy recordings and sleep meditations on YouTube really useful and also use products with lavender in that I find helpful. There is a lovely hypnosis for depression track I'm using at the moment that I will post the link to below. You do not say if you have any help around the home you can call on but if you can try to take some time for yourself, even just for a little walk on your own it might help. Virtual hugs and please be kind to yourself and congratulate yourself for all that you are juggling right now. Just recovering is hard work enough but you are doing so much more than that for your, I'm sure, very appreciative family. Xxxx
Thank you for your reassuring words Sash. Yes, I have an amazing husband and so thank heavens it’s a weekend tomorrow. I will check out the link, relaxing before bedtime will help and lavender yes! there is some growing in my garden about to bloom💜
Hi please have no doubt it will get better. Do not try to do more than you can cope, getting help with things is vital until you have more energy. It is not weak to ask for help, it is essential for recovery. You have run a marathon and now need to rest. Take this aspect seriously and give yourself a break if you can't do everything 'perfectly' as a mum! Your kids need a mum that's well more than a tidy house.
I remember feeling the exact same way around my daughters 1st birthday. I had put so many of my hopes into thinking that this milestone would be a chance for me to celebrate how far we’ve come and that everything is behind us, but it just bought it all up again. All my memories were still so clear that I felt as if I were re-living it all.
But it honestly does get easier! Don’t give up hope and make sure you can carve out time for self care and sleep. Things that really helped for me were massage, acupuncture and TRE therapy. Maybe you will also find some healing in these too. Just be kind to yourself
RE cooking I am a bad planner so preplanning meals was hard but it is helpful. At the minimum, preping veggies for the week is helpful. I spend an evening after my kids are asleep to chop carrots or peppers or onions and put them in containers for use. If you eat meat, you can prep your meat too. Then i make stir frys or curries with the veggies. I also love my pressure cooker and slow cooker. They really are time savers.
Hi Lovely I haven't written on here for a while but after reading your post I wanted to say something. It gets better........... for me I kept thinking I had recovered then realised I hadn't then a bit more would come it's been a tough and long journey but worth it. In the last 5 months I have made huge progress I feel so good and I know there is even more to come. I had PPP Dec 2016 and relapse Dec 2017 I have been working with a really good therapist over the last few months since the Pandemic started and it's been amazing. My friends have been saying to me welcome back Esther I've been gone for 3 years in a very strange place not able to do all the things you have listed the flat was a mess, I couldn't keep up with washing up, I hated my environment, horrible clothes, put on 4 stone the list goes on. But here I am to day as if I have just come out of a coma tidy up after the event had a new hair cut, new diet, exercise, more energy, new perspective. It's true my love there is hope and you will come back it's not easy at all and you have two kids I only have one and that was hard enough for me. I have faith in you, do what you have to do to get through this time, reach out for support it will get better trust me. I feel for you as I know too well what its liked. For me sleep has been the most important thing in my recovery and to feel love from others.
What an encouraging mail and congratulation on your progress and willingness to recovery. It is sometimes such a difficult task to tune and balance back into body, mind and soul. Thank you for sharing. Pleased to meet you on this forum. x
Hi EstherLinton40 and to others reading here too. APP offers video call support with one of our trained peer support volunteers if you’d like to get in touch, there’s more information on our website about 1:1 support: app-network.org/peer-support/ Our website is currently being updated and might not have lots about video calling but it’s something we offer if you’d be interested. Take care, xx
I think what you’re feeling is normal for this time. I’m always cooking and cleaning, and homeschooling and remote working at the same time can be tough. Every mom I’ve talked to has felt a bit stressed. I’m from California, and though personally my worst year ever was when I had postpartum psychosis in 2016, I think for my local area this has been a very bad year. I’m waiting for it to get better, but at the same time life is about learning to dance in the rain and find positives even when times are tough. At least I’m not the generation that went through ww1 and ww2. At least I still can eat and I’m alive and well. I feel a bit down, but I keep trying to lift myself up- running (while social distancing) has been great. Secondly, your little one is 1.... I find that to be a tough stage in terms of supervision bc they are wobbly on their feet and get into everything. And I didn’t realize until after I had my second one that a second child is not twice as hard it’s more like 3 times as hard as having one, just bc both kids need you at the same time for different things and they fight. So part of it is the times, part of it is just the ups and downs of motherhood. Hang in there, we are with you❤️
I love your positivism and your supportive letter put a smile on my face. Greetings to America and stay safe in peculiar/bizarre times. I hug those challenges at my own pace, too and sometimes I just ignore. I guess we are all coping in our own little ways. Stay safe!
Hey BarboraO, I totally feel the same way about the anxiety and depression. I liked being manic, I felt productive, high and in-control now I feel like crap. It's so frustrating! Would love to talk with you more if you want. PM me if you want to rant together!
Hi, I wanted to reply to you as some of the things you said were how I felt.
I had PPP back in 2013, it took along time to feel back to me again. I used to love cleaning and sorting out the house but like you back in the mist of it all, I just didn’t have any energy to do it and everything was a mess. I finally started to feel like me again (probably 2.5 years) I then started my own cleaning business and it’s been amazing over the past 4 years. So just hang on in there - there is light at the end of your tunnel xxx
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xxx you go girl
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