Hey ladies! Newbie here! 👋
I gave birth to my second baby boy Luke in Feb this year via C section.. My eldest son Lewis is 5 & we planned Luke.. I literally fell pregnant on the first try!
Was a shock as we was expecting to conceive within a few months, but on finding out the news we was very happy!
Prior to falling pregnant I was on anti anxiety medication sertraline & proparanol.. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I made the decision to stop my medication as the risks to baby I couldn't chance..
Apart from a slight scare at 6weeks all went smoothly..
I am also on levothyroxine for my undedractive thyroid so I had appointments once a month with my thyroid consultants at the hospital to maintain the correct dose throughout the pregnancy..
Also I was having growth scans from 28W onwards as my eldest was born at 37weeks weighing 4lb 11oz due to placenta previa..
Towards the back end of my pregnancy my anxiety struck me out of the blue full force!
I was having numerous panic attacks a day, I couldnt focus on the day ahead of me.. I was very over emotional & teary.. I couldn't be left alone at all & insisted my boyfriend remain by my side 24/7 (which he did) I put how I was feeling down to been in my last few weeks of pregnancy & was hoping once Luke had arrived I would start to feel much more myself.. Immediately after delivery I just knew how I was feeling wasn't normal.. I was emotionally physically & mentally numb.. I had zero interest in my newborn son, I refused to hold him & feed him.. I just wanted to be left completely alone & sleep how I was feeling away..
I was discharged the next day & from then onwards I deteriorated rapidly.. I became completely unfucntionable, remained in my bedroom in bed no interest or motivation whatsoever.. I left the care of my two boys in their dad's & my mum's hands.. I was so exhausted yet couldn't switch off.. I had no appetite or desire for life.. I began having thoughts that Luke was possessed by the devil.. I became paranoid that my mum & boyfriend was plotting against me, & was talking about me.. When Luke was 6days old I was admitted to my local MBU.. During my stay i was convinced the smoke alarm in my room was a camera watching me and Luke.. Despite staff reassuring me it wasn't a camera & the unit doesn't have any cameras.. Thankfully I was able to rationalise these thoughts & i was on the onset of having borderline stress induced postpartum psychosis 💔
Thankfully I didn't go on to develop full blown pyscosis & remained as an inpatient for 7 weeks..
I'm now home & working on my recovery, I have my CMHN check in with me once a week & weekly therapy sessions with my amazing counceller..
Would you say all I was experiencing was the onset of PP?! The doctor said that during the first few days I was admitted they wasn't certain at first if it was full PP as I had no other major symptoms that they was for certain it was PP so they classed my diagnosis as stress induced borderline PP..