Feeling so low and sad : I am almost... - Action on Postpar...

Action on Postpartum Psychosis
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Feeling so low and sad

XxAnnaLouxX
XxAnnaLouxX
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I am almost 5months out of PP, and I just feel so tearful and low. It feels never ending I want to look after myself better but I am struggling to do the basics all whilst having an almost 10m old to look after. Noone understands my mam says I need to 'fight back', but I feel so worn down. Posting for reassurance really more than anything else. I just want to be better.

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Lilybeth
LilybethVolunteer

Hello AnnaLou

Good to hear from you although I'm sorry you're feeling so tearful and low. I think almost five months on from PP isn't very long into your recovery and some days are better than others. As mums we think we can pick up where we left off before PP hit us ..... but we don't realise how much trauma we have been through and some family members don't understand.

You have battled your way to get this far and will recover in your own time. I struggled for ages to do the basics, even getting out of bed! I remember my sister pulling the covers off me and shouting .... but my bed was my safe place at the time! Try to do a little at a time, at your own pace.

Has your mam read the PP Guide "Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis" app-network.org/what-is-pp/... to give her insight into what a struggle recovering can be? On page 12 of the guide for partners there is a comment that:

" The experience of going through PP does not need to be 'done and dusted'. It may be difficult to accept but you won't be able to control how long your partner takes to get over her illness" Perhaps your mam could come round and sit with your baby so that you could have time out for a coffee with a friend?

Try not to worry ..... you're a great mum and you will feel much better in time. We are all here for each other. Hugs.

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XxAnnaLouxX

Thank you x

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Ellie_at_APP
Ellie_at_APPAdministrator

Hi AnnaLou

It's great you've reached out. I'm so sorry you feel so tearful and low. I was unwell in 2011 after the birth of my son. I struggled very much with feeling low after the psychotic episode, very much how you describe. I remember very clearly feeling like it was never ending, and there was a lot of the time I felt like I would never get better, and I desperately just wanted to feel like myself and be better.

The main thing I want to say to you is that you really will get better, though I know it can be hard to believe it when you're in the middle of it, but you will. So many of us here are proof of that :) I still had days of really struggling when my son was 10 months old too.

On days I was feeling very low, I tried to plan my days a little, even hour by hour, so set little goals for myself, very simple ones like doing small household talks, or planning what play I would do with my baby. Some days I had to really force myself to do it, and I wouldn't have said at the time that it was making a difference, it was a way of just coping with the day. But I do think slowly it did make a difference, and helped me to feel that I could cope, and manage to do things.

I also found it helped to write something positive I had experienced at the end of each day. Sometimes it was hard to think of anything, and all I could write was about the sun being out or something, but I do think that helped me.

And the old saying, that time is a great healer, I also found to be true... I found as my son got older and starting to be able to 'give back' in terms of showing interaction and affection, helped me so much as well, because I thought I was a terrible mother and the fact that he was clearly OK, and that we had a really strong bond, was very healing.

I also wondered if you've been offered any therapy? I found CBT really helpful to challenge negative thoughts I would have, that would often bring my mood down.

But as I say, the main thing I wanted to say to you is you really are going to get better and come through this, and feel yourself again.

Take care, and please take or leave anything I've written :)

Ellie

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Anna_10

Hi, so sorry to hear your feeling low. I had pp in 2013 and I still suffer every now and then. Last summer I felt particularly down and was off work for 6 weeks. Just take each day as it comes, take time for yourself and remember, it's a massive trauma what you've been through and it takes time to get over it. It's great that we can help each other on this forum, as like you said, anyone that hasn't been there, doesn't understand. Lots of walks helped me focus too and some mindfulness. I hope some of these tips help. Always here if u need a chat. Kind Regards, Anna x

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mikefff

Hi keep reminding yourself you are recovering from a major illness. Don't expect too much of yourself. My wife has been through this also. Just because there's no physical signs sometimes you think you should be normal, metal illness is the greatest challenge, give yourself a break.

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mikefff

Also.. (!).. Whoever says "just fight back" needs to research the illness a bit more. Its not helpful.

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Lilybeth
LilybethVolunteer

Hello AnnaLou

Just wondering how you are and whether you have found support for how you are feeling? Do you have a support worker or perinatal health team to talk to until your baby is one year?

It probably doesn't feel like it at the moment but you will feel better eventually. For now, take good care of yourself and please write again if you feel like it.

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XxAnnaLouxX

I am still feeling rubbish. I do get out and about, but I just feel awful. And tearful. I have asked about antidepressants but the view is that I am not depressed. If this isn't depressed I dunno what is.

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Lilybeth
LilybethVolunteer
in reply to XxAnnaLouxX

Hello AnnaLou

So sorry to hear that you're still feeling rubbish. It is an awful feeling and I hope you can ask for a review. Do you think you might be referred for counselling, just to talk openly about how you feel?

There is also APP's second opinion service which some mums here have found very helpful. Prof Ian Jones offers second opinion or consultation to patients, with the aim of assisting clinicians and their patients in diagnosis and management. Prof Jones and his team are based in Cardiff but it is possible to have a consultation via Skype if necessary. The link is app-network.org/what-is-pp/... Referrals need to be made by your care team, (Psychiatrist or GP) and there is no charge for this service either to you or referring NHS Trust. So it might be an option for you?

Perhaps it might be an idea to keep a diary of your moods, (emoji faces if you don't feel like making notes) until you see your GP so that he / she has an idea of how low you are feeling?

It hasn't been very long since you went through such a traumatic experience of PP and you shouldn't suffer in silence. You need help to find your way so please make sure to make your voice heard for the support you need. Thinking of you ... take care.

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ColibriGirl

Hi Anna, I empathise a lot with how you are feeling. My son is 8 months and up until a few weeks ago I was feeling very worn down and struggling to get out of bed or play with him - I rarely went out to play groups or exercise classes. I've had a really good reaction to going on antidepressants and everything has seemed a lot easier since, the negative feelings and thoughts have receded. I've finally had some motivation to go out and do things although some days are better than others. I hope you have the chance to take a few minutes for yourself each day, you are a great mum for managing to look after your baby despite everything.

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XxAnnaLouxX

I am going to ask again about antidepressants.

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ColibriGirl

Sounds like it's worth a try. They put me on Sertraline and it has been great, so far I've had no noticable side effects. Also I have found therapy with my psychologist very helpful (she convinced me to go on antidepressants) some perinatal mental health teams can provide psychology treatment. Good luck with everything.

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Lilybeth
LilybethVolunteer

Hello AnnaLou

Just wondering how you are feeling now and whether you asked your care team about antidepressants again? It's not easy trying to cope with routine and the remnants of PP. I hope you have support around you. Take care.

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XxAnnaLouxX

I speak to them on Friday. I feel a bit better than I did last week. But still can't really be bothered to do anything.

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Lilybeth
LilybethVolunteer

Hello AnnaLou

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I'm sorry to hear you are finding recovery hard but feeling a bit better than last week. 5 months out of PP is still early days .... I was very low for a long time, struggling with routine and a baby, it's not easy coming through such a traumatic illness.

I hope your care team will be able to find something that works for you when you see them on Friday. There is a really good blog "PP Soup -a nourishing mix of all things Postpartum Psychosis" at ppsoupdotcom.wordpress.com with info and experiences which you might find helpful and interesting. Take care .... thinking of you.

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Pikorua
PikoruaVolunteer

Hello AnnaLoux,

love your name by the way :-)

You know Anna, this illness (PPP 2010) is not an easy one and has been very traumatising for me, because of no appropriate treatment in my acute time. 5 months into recovery...for me that was only a beginning of a long recovery journey, purely because of my undiagnosed BP for nearly 9 yrs after PPP.

I have been learning so much throughout my recovery, but definitely learnt to recharge and re-set the way how I "function"...in mind, boy and soul...because we are continuously changing and learning, even if we are not aware of it.

How can I help?! If you ever would like some advise about my experience with Professor Ian Jones, I am more than happy to help. I have had two consultations via skype together with my partner and it was very therapeutic for the both of us. A second opinion maybe useful!

Deep down I feel allowing yourself time and not striving for the recovery of the past does help tremendously. The momentum is vital for recovery, step by step and patience for healing, in my opinion. I did access different kind of therapy through my former care coordinator...and I was fortunate enough to participate in a support group for 30 hrs. I believe doing something, which may help to improve confidence again can be quite healing. I found that in my Yoga sessions, which I started again 2 yrs again,-only now do I feel comfortable enough to speak up in the group as I struggle with agora and social phobia, because of BP.

Take good care,

x

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