Hi,
Reaching out on here as I'm in recovery from pp. I was in a mother and baby unit over Christmas. Things have got much better thankfully but I still feel low at times and feel like I don't want to look after my children. It's something that I'm deeply ashamed to admit. I did tell my family when I was at my lowest but now am putting on a brave face as things have been generally better and don't want to put a downer ob things. Has anyone else felt like this? xx
Hi kitty12345
I'm so glad you've reached out to us here - it's good to hear you do feel things are much better since you were admitted to the MBU. It's very natural to feel low after PP and to struggle with the daily demands of being a mum (which I know it can feel so difficult to admit, but so many mums do feel this - even if they've not had any postnatal mental health difficulties)
I had PP 17 and 12 years ago, and did suffer with low mood and lack of confidence in myself as a mum and the bond with my daughters in those early months. I'd say this lasted for about the first 9-12 months until I was finding my feet and getting out more to do things I enjoyed with my babies like swimming and baby yoga.
I hope you will find it helpful to see our Recovery Guide that has loads of experiences and practical tips on your recovery in the first year and beyond. If you would like a printed copy of any of the guides, do feel free to contact the office app@app-network.org and we can send them out to you.
app-network.org/wp-content/...
I've found self-compassion an especially useful tool for those times through my life as a mum where I feel guilty or overwhelmed. There are lots of free resources and meditations here that I hope will help with that sense of pressure to put on a brave face - you've been through a lot, and tending to yourself with acceptance and compassion can be a really powerful thing to do.
self-compassion.org/categor...
Very best wishes
Naomi
Hi Kitty,
Thanks for reaching out!
I absolutely struggled with mum guilt even havi ng relatives telling me that I shouldn’t be putting my daughter through being in an mbu but in retrospect I absolutely know it was the right place for us.
It was a step on the road to recovery. And it is a long road so try and be patient with yourself (easier said than done sometimes when you’re impatient to be well and enjoying life again!).
But know that for me, and all the people I have met with PP it does get better. The low mood can last particularly if you aren’t getting the support but you’ve done well to reach out here.
I think the mum guilt is real even if you’ve not had PP but it is exacerbated and can drag you down so like Naomi says try to treat yourself like you would a friend going through the trauma you have experienced.
And keep reaching out, using the forum and talking about it cos girl you done good tho you may not feel like it!
Take care,
Amy
Hi kitty12345
It is wonderful that you're home and getting through each day with your kids. You must love your kids so much because you are still there for them, even though it is so tough. Your actions show you are an amazing mum.
Being in recovery from PP is not easy, I really struggled with depression and anxiety when I was discharged home from an MBU, without any talking therapy for about 4 months. My mood descended. Eventually I didn't experience much joy or pleasure for quite a few months. I was still on olanzapine and about 8 months after discharge accepted my psychiatrist and psychologist's advice that I needed antidepressants too. Sertraline was really helpful and changed things around. I also had lots of talking therapy.
Although I still think sometimes I don't really want to look after my son, I now recognise that is a normal and healthy thought to have when times are tough and we need self care. I no longer judge myself for thinking it, the thought is short-lived and not attached to a strong emotion. I realised I am allowed to sometimes wish I didn't have to look after my son, to imagine a different life or to feel complex emotions about parenting. It doesn't make me bad mum, it just means I'm human too.
There is a journey you can take to move from how you feel now, to how you want to feel in the future. You have recognised you want something to change and that is a really great step. Speaking to your GP or mental health team might be a good step. You can do this xx
hi there,
Yes I feel that today! I have three children and I love them dearly. I’d die for them. But I don’t have any childcare and long for my own time. I know several mothers that feel the same.
Maybe you just need more time to yourself. Don’t feel bad, you are human.
Maybe you could go back to work so your children are in childcare. If you have more support you’ll enjoy them more.
But don’t feel bad, you just want to be happy.
Lots of love
Arabella xx
Hi kitty12345 ,
I had PP in March 2022 and can completely relate to how you've been feeling. What turned things around for me personally was
a) Therapy - I was able to access both group-based Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) and individual therapy, which had a focus on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I appreciate it's not always possible, but I would recommend asking your care team about accessing therapy. This helped me so much with those feelings of shame and guilt.
b) I put my son in nursery twice a week, even without working, to give me chance to start to do the basic things for my self-care, like reading a book or being able to prepare healthy dinners. I didn't have any family support during the week, but if you are able to carve out any time for yourself through getting support I would really recommend it.
My only other advice would be to try to give up that brave face. Please don't worry about "putting a downer on things". You sound exactly like me, and this is my classic people pleasing response, but you have been through so much and I think those around you would want to know how you're feeling and it's not your responsibility to keep everyone happy.
You will get through this tough spot and please don't be hard on yourself. Looking after children is so hard at the best of times, so doing it whilst recovering from PP is an incredible achievement.
You're doing amazing
x
Dear Kitty12345
I can only echo the lovely replies above, and especially what Naomi suggests on self compassion. It’s a really transformative tool, and has helped me “tolerate distress” so much better than I used to.
With a bit of perspective (my PP was 10 years ago now) I can see that all parents struggle and many struggle in silence because it’s not really socially acceptable to admit how much we aren’t enjoying things. That said, because of the PP, it’s important you keep talking to your health care team and your family about what you are experiencing. Help is at hand, I’m sure, and it sounds like you are putting in a huge effort and doing incredibly well.
It really does get easier. And better. And fun! I promise.
Best wishes
Kat x
Thanke all for your kind and supportive messages, it means a lot to me xxx
Hello kitty12345
Just wondering how you have been. I think you are amazing after only a few months on from being hit by PP.
As mums we expect to pick up where we left off without realising what a traumatic time we have been through. As you have probably read, recovery can be up and down, so try not to worry but keep in touch with your GP if you need a review.
I hope you have been able to talk openly about how you’re feeling now, although things have been much better as you say. Trying to keep a lid on how you truly feel is draining. Are you under the care of a perinatal health team until your baby is one year? Perhaps you could chat in confidence to the nurse for reassurance.
I hope the links here have been helpful, especially about self-compassion. Be kind to yourself and take care 🌻 We are all here for you xxx
Hi Lilybeth,
Thanks for your supportive message. My little one turned one yesterday but the perinatal team said they will continue to support me for a bit longer. I feel so emotional that he is one, so much has happened in the year. He was born at 27 weeks and after that I developed pp. I was separated from him for months as he was in a nicu and scbu unit and I was in a mental health ward. I couldn't go to a mother and baby unit at the time because he was preemie xxx
Hi kitty12345
Thanks for taking time to reply. It’s good that the perinatal team will be able to support you for a bit longer.
I think milestones are emotional and you have been through so much in just a year. I hope you celebrated all that you have overcome as you watched your little one having fun on his birthday after all your loving care. I was also separated from my sons and sectioned to mixed general psychiatric care for months as there were no MBUs at that time.
We are strong women but need tender care. So reach out and keep telling it like it is for you and be very proud of yourself. PP mums really are amazing 🌻
Hia,
Feeling pretty low today. My dad's reaction was what's wrong you've got a lot to be thankful for. This really upset me, adding to the guilt which I already feel for feeling this way xx
Hi Kitty1234, I'm Hannah and I'm one of the volunteers at APP. I had pp after the birth of my twin girls in 2016. Your experience sounds very stressful lovely and I'm not at all surprised it's having an impact on you. Family eh?! It's ok to feel low and you don't have to justify yourself at all. All of us on here get you've been through a massive ordeal, and any emotion, sadness, anger etc is totally ok for you to be feeling and expressing.
Have you maybe thought about some talking therapy? I never had any but now wish I had tbh as a heavy set of emotions often come with having had pp. It's a lot to process. We're here love, take care x
Hello kitty12345
Please don’t feel guilty about how you are feeling ... it’s not your fault. I carried unfounded guilt for years until I found APP and all the caring support here. It’s hard for family to understand the ups and downs to recovery ... we are functioning but some days that’s about all we can do isn’t it?
Even though you might hear unhelpful comments, please keep saying how you feel out loud so you’re not bottling your feelings up. Do you think your dad might take time to sit with you while you explain how emotional you feel?
I think Hannah’s idea of talking therapy is good so you can express your emotions without feeling judged. Perhaps your perinatal team could help signpost you to support?
Be proud of how far you’ve come with all that you have been through. We all understand and we’re here for each other 🌻
Hello kitty12345
Just wondering if you are feeling a little more settled. Perhaps as Hannah suggested, talking therapy might be helpful for you to release all those negative thoughts and feelings. I carried unfounded guilt for years and it was like walking in the shadows, so please try and find the support you deserve.
I never thought about self-compassion before but now I think it’s essential to be kind to ourselves as we would be to a friend who was having a bad day or two.
Take care, we are here for you. 🌻
Thanks for your lovely message, it means a lot. Our little one has turned one now. Feeling okay but get emotional when I think about this time last year xxx
Hello kitty12345
Thanks for your kind reply. I think being only one year on from PP your feelings will be quite emotional, with thoughts of this time last year. It’s been a very traumatic year for you so give yourself time to heal. Try to think forward to all the better years and fun times with your baby and family. It’s not easy though so please reach out to your GP if you need extra support. Perhaps there might be a mother and baby group at the surgery.
We are all here for you ... remember to be kind to yourself 🌸
Thank you👍 I have been thinking about retraining to become a nurse in the mental health field. I really feel like this is something I want to do to give back from all the care and support I've received. It maybe a pipe dream as I've got to think about income. This is giving me hope on road to recovery xx
That’s such a worthwhile career. I hope when you’ve considered the income it might be achievable. Such a good idea to think forward and hope as you recover. So proud and hopeful for you xx
Thank you. I'm looking at different ways I could retrain, considering all options xxx
So wise kitty12345 to weigh up all options. With your insight into mental health I’m sure you will be an asset ..... PP mums are amazing and I really hope you will find a way to follow your dream. Thinking of you 🌸
Thank you Lilybeth, the more I think about it the more I want to go for it. If it's meant to be it will I guess xxx
You’re a star kitty12345 ... so much hope and positivity as you recover and step forward. xxx
Thanks for your support. Will keep you posted xxx
Hi Kitty12345
Thinking of you and hope your recovery is progressing at your own pace. Take care and be kind to yourself 🌻
Thank you Lilybeth. I start back work this week which I'm really nervous about because my psychosis was heavily interlinked with work. I'm really hoping it won't be a trigger and set me back. My medication is being reduced too so don't want anything to rock the boat. I know I have to go back as we can't afford for me not to be in work. I am still holding on to the fact that I do have options when it comes to work and career. Thanks for thinking of me, it means a lot. xxx
Hello kitty12345
Thanks so much for your update. Starting back at work can be an anxious time. Are you able to go back on a phased return to settle in gently? If not, make sure you have regular breaks.
In the PP Insider Guide “Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis” at app-network.org/what-is-pp/... on page 13 there is a section “Planning for the future” on looking after your well-being at work. With links that might be helpful.
It’s good that you are thinking forward to your options and I’m hoping that you will feel comfortable at work after a while. Take care and mind how you go xxx
Hello kitty12345
Just confirming the link to the guides as app-network.org/what-is-pp/.... Thinking of you xxx
Thanks so much. Yes am going back incrementally thankfully. I am so nervous as tomorrow is when I start back xx
Hello kitty12345
I’m sorry you’re feeling nervous about starting back to work tomorrow. Hopefully you will be able to manage your return in stages so it won’t be too much too soon. Thinking of you ... take care xx
Hello kitty12344,
I hope everything goes well tomorrow, it’s really understandable and natural to be anxious - take things one step at a time as always and remember how awesome you are!
Let us know how it goes. I’ll be thinking of you.
Best wishes,
Jenny x
Hello kitty12345, I hope yesterday went ok, I was thinking of you x
Thanks Jenny, unfortunately it was a really anxious day but trying to breathe through it xx
Well done for getting through it, be very proud of yourself for that and hopefully that was the hardest day and it will get easier from here. I hope you’ve been able to rest a bit today, be very gentle on yourself xx
Hello kitty12345,
I hope you were able to get some rest yesterday. How are you feeling today?
Take really good care and know we're all here to listen whenever it helps.
Best wishes,
Jenny xx
Hi thanks for your support. I had a really bad anxiety day which was awful. Trying to get through it but failing xxx
Hi kitty12345, really well done for getting through your first day. Hopefully it will get easier the next few times.Anxiety can be very difficult to manage, perhaps this can be something to raise with your team so they can better support you with the return to work? Take good care
Unfortunately I had an anxiety episode which I'm trying to get over but failing at. Thanks for your support xx
Hi kitty12345, I am sorry you are experiencing anxiety, it can be very unsettling. Be compassionate to yourself at this time, turn towards yourself with kindness as you would to a dear friend going through a difficult time. We are here for anything you may need
Hello kitty12345
I wonder if you could find any ideas for managing your anxiety via the BBC Headroom mental health toolkit at bbc.co.uk/headroom, although I know it’s not that simple. On the page under the heading “Get talking about mental health” there’s a link to “Why do we get anxiety” and how to manage symptoms.
I hope you can rest and sleep well. Take care xx
Thank you. I don't think anyone around me realises how bad I'm feeling. They all keep telling me to rationalise things, I'm struggling atm xx
Hi kitty12345
It may or may not help but I found writing down what I was feeling anxious about and the possible outcomes of what worried me, I never did anything with them or showed them to anyone but I found it helped get the thoughts out of my head.
Take care
RK
Hi kitty12345,
I'm so sorry you're struggling so much at the moment, do keep reaching out as you have been. Are you in regular touch with your mental health team? Try to be as open and honest as you can about how you're feeling so you can access as much support as you need. I know it can be really hard to explain - I don't know if writing things down would help at all?
You mentioned last week that your medication was being reduced so I hope that is being monitored closely as well.
Be really gentle on yourself and do keep talking to us here whenever it helps.
Sending lots of love,
Jenny x
Hi kitty12345, I am so sorry things are very hard at the moment. It is very encouraging that you are reaching out here.
As Jenny says it would be good to talk to the team following you at the moment and be frank with them. Changes in medication and the return to work can both have a significant impact in our mood, so it is important to let them know how you are feeling at the moment so they can better support you.
Take very good care, will be thinking of you
Hi kitty12345
I hope you’re doing ok today, I’ve been thinking of you.
Take good care, sending very best wishes,
Jenny x
Thanks Jenny. I'm so worried about going to work tomorrow xx
Hi kitty12345, how are you doing? Hoping things are OK today, will be thinking of you. Take careMaria
Thanks Maria. I had a medical review today and handover from perinatal to local cmht. They won't reduce my meds due to the blip I'm having. I am so worried about going to work tomorrow xx
Hi kitty12345, I am so sorry you are worried about going back to work tomorrow. I also struggled very much with confidence when I went back to work. Please do not feel that you are alone in this. The responsibilities at work can be very much a trigger and I just wanted to let you know that it is OK to say I may need to take some time off if you feel that will be helpful now. Your health is the most important.
Take very good care,
Maria
Unfortunately It's struck again. PP Second time around. Warning early mania in progress.
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Depression after a psychotic episode - advice/encouragement?
