Hi

[Stacey19]

Hi I'm new

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Stacey19

Welcome to the forum

Do have a look around and post if you’d like to, ask any questions or share your story if you’d like to.

Have you experienced PP recently? I hope you’re doing ok. I had PP in 2012 after my first son was born.

Take care and welcome to this wonderful community

Jenny x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Stacey19

Looking forward to hearing more from you although I realise it's a big step. This is a great safe space to talk and we are all anonymous. I had PP many years ago and the forum has made such a positive difference. Take good care of yourself .... we are all here to listen

[Stacey19]

Yeah I have just been diagnosed with ppp. I am hearing voices telling me to hurt Lilly and they keep telling me to kill myself. They are also saying that I am being watched by demons and I can see them aswell. Its really frightening.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Stacey

That sounds really frightening. Have you got support in place, are you in hospital?

You will get through this. I hope you’re safe and being looked after.

Thinking of you x

[Stacey19]

No I'm not in hospital

[NanaJudith_APP_Vol Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

Hi Stacey, I am so sorry that you are feeling so unwell and frightened. I hope that you have family support and understanding especially if you are not in hospital or a Mother and Baby Unit. My daughter suffered with Postpartum psychosis but with medical help and time she is now better. You will get better too but do seek more medical help if you are worried.

In the meantime know that everyone at APP is thinking of you and

wishing you well.

Best wishes Judith x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey19

I am sorry you are suffering with PP at the moment. Are you in the UK? It must be very difficult for you and your family if you are not in hospital. Do you have the home treatment team visiting or CPN? Congratulations on the birth of your daughter

As I mentioned earlier I had PP many years ago but can relate to the commanding voices you are hearing. Are you taking any medication? It is a very frightening time and all very real but with good medical care and support it is a temporary and very treatable illness. Have you seen the PP Guides "Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis" and there is also one for partners, at app-network.org/what-is-pp/... which might be helpful to read as there are also shared experiences on the web page.

It's very early days for you and everything must be so overwhelming. I hope your GP is helpful and supporting you. Please take care of yourself .... you will feel better eventually and the voices will fade. We are all here to listen if you would like to write again.

[Stacey19]

Yeah I am in the UK. I have a CPN and yeah I am taking medication.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey19

Good to hear from you. I hope the Insider Guide will be helpful as you go through recovery. I hope your CPN is a good support and you feel comfortable with her. Have you talked to her or your doctor about the thoughts that are worrying you? I also had delusions, seeing things which no one else could understand.

I was admitted to a general psychiatric ward during my PP. Are you coping at home or waiting to go into hospital? Are you having regular reviews with a Psychiatrist? I was constantly reviewed so that the right medication could be found to help with my thoughts and delusions. They are very frightening and so real aren't they and all part of a very traumatic illness. There will be other mums here to share their experiences.

Take care of yourself. I hope you have someone to support you at home as you need a lot of good care and understanding. We are all here to lean on.

[Stacey19]

What delusions did you experiance? Yeah I have talked to my cpn and I dont really want to go in to hospital so trying to stay at home.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

HelloStacey19

I did have a few delusions, some of which I won't mention here as they might be unsettling. One which began in the maternity hospital a few days after my first son's birth was that I imagined a moth on the wall and was very scared that it would harm him. This 'moth' also appeared when I went home. It would appear and grow in size when I was sitting on the sofa with my husband. It would tell me I was a bad mother and so I would shout at it, so to anybody watching or listening it looked as if I was shouting at my husband.

I saw the news on the television and was convinced that I knew disasters had already happened before the broadcast! My husband and family didn't believe me so at the time I retreated to my bed I think another common delusion I had was thinking the radio was playing songs especially for me and talking to me. I would also wake in the middle of the night and was convinced it was morning, so would get out of bed and draw the curtains!

There is a post here from a few years ago "Delusions of grandeur and 'religious experiences" which I found when I first came to the forum. I was so relieved that I wasn't alone with all my thoughts and that other mums had similar delusions. The link is healthunlocked.com/app-netw....

Have you been home for a while? I hope you feel safe at home with the support of your CPN but if you are struggling, as I was, I think being cared for in hospital might be an option. Take care.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Dear Stacey

You’ve already received some wonderful support already. I’m sorry you’re suffering from pp and are having scary thoughts. It’s good you have support.

I had pp too, and had many scary delusions and thoughts as well. It was so frightening but I have come through it and fully recovered and you will too.

Take care, we are here for you

Ellie x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I hope you have been ok today and have good support around you. Take care .... thinking of you.

[Becciandbump]

Hi Stacey I’m sorry you are feeling unwell I hope that you are able to be treated at home if you don’t want to go into hospital. Is your cpn helpful? Xxx the thoughts you have when psychotic can be horrible I’ve suffered psychosis on a few occasions due to my bipolar and it can be frightening so I’m sending you all my love and get well wishes. Have you got any trusted friends that you can talk to I found that just my couple of best friends were able to be there for me when I felt scared sometimes it helped just hearing their voices I used to have to avoid the tv as it made me a bit paranoid but I found music very healing xxx

[Revans86 Volunteer]

Hi Stacey,

Congratulations on your new arrival, but so so sorry to hear you’ve been unwell recently.

I had PP in 2016, experiencing as you describe yourself, voices and horribly scary hallucinations. There are lots of people here who have experienced similar. Know that we’re all thinking of you and wishing you well.

Glad to hear you have a CPN, and I hope your medication helps too. You mention not wanting to go into hospital - I just wanted to say that whilst admission to hospital may seem very scary - the team that supported me when I was admitted with PP were so supportive, caring and helped me to get better.

Keep talking with your CPN, don’t be afraid, and do tell them everything you’re experiencing. They are on your side and want to help you get better.

Take care,

X

[Stacey19]

I hate Monday nights Felix is shouting at me to kill myself and showing me how.

[Jas15 Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

Hi Stacey, I’m so sorry to read about how you are feeling, the thoughts and voices are very frightening and seem very real, but they are a symptom of a very severe illness, which you may sometimes recognise and at other times feel that you are ok and not unwell.

This forum is a brilliant place to share experiences and support one another, we all know how this PPP feels and can totally empathise with each other. Sadly, that’s as much as we can do, we aren’t there with you, and as much as we would love to actually support you, we are all cut off, being an on line forum.

So Stacey, I urge you to be open with your CPN and other professionals involved and tell them about the voices..... I was so scared about going into hospital and being sectioned, but I would not have got better if it hadn’t been for the intensive support and protection I received when I was admitted.

A real positive about PPP is that although it’s relatively uncommon, once it’s diagnosed and managed properly with the correct medication, women do recover from it and go on to lead fulfilling lives with their families (albeit with support and understanding needed, and efforts made to reduce the chance of relapse).

Thinking of you at this very difficult time, which will one day just be a distant memory of a hard time.

Sending love to you Stacey xxx

[Revans86 Volunteer in reply to Stacey19]

Hi Stacey19, this must be very very frightening for you - I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I’m sure your CPN will have given you a phone number to call if you need to. But don’t forget you can always go to A&E. This was where my family took me when I was very poorly. I was frightened, as I’m sure you are now. But being with professionals there to help you is the best thing. Hoping your family are supporting you too. Sending my well wishes and thoughts. X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Stacey19

So sorry you are struggling tonight. Do you have a Crisis Team you can ring or is there a friend who can be with you tonight? It must be very frightening for you. The Samaritans are available 24/7 if you think it would be a good idea to talk to someone in confidence. The number is 116 123 or email [e-mail].

Take care Stacey. You are in a bad place tonight but with good medical care and support you will get through this. I hope you can sleep ...... xxx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Stacey19

I hope you were able to find support last night and stayed safe. Will you be seeing your CPN today? Take care ... sending you a hug x

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Stacey19

I hope things are ok today and you’ve managed to access some support if needed.

Thinking of you x

[Stacey19 in reply to Jenny_at_APP]

Been in A&E all morning because I swallowed some batteries

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Really sorry to hear this Stacey .... are you at home now? It's not your fault with the voice telling you to do such things. I was the same and on a self destruct mission due to commanding voices. If you are home, has A & E found ongoing support for you?

Please say safe .... I know it's very difficult for you to weigh up what's real but don't let the voices take over. You really need support at home so I hope you have a friend to be with you. We are all here to listen .... take good care of yourself as you are very fragile.

[Hidden]

Hello Stacey,

is somebody with you right now? How are you? I hope medical professionals will help you swiftly and appropriately.

Thinking of you x

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Dear Stacey

I’m so sorry to hear this. We are all thinking of you. I hope that you are getting the support you need.

Take care

Ellie

[Stacey19]

Yeah I am at home now, the voices are telling me to swallow blades though but I have managed to ignore that one so far. My cpn just called, I'm seeing her in the morning. I am okay just feeling like no-one would care if I was dead. No, no-one is with me atm

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Stacey

Is there any way you can put all sharp objects out of your reach, or even in the bin, while you are hearing such bad voices? Do you think you need to see your CPN tonight? I know how difficult it must feel but you really need to be strong for your daughter. We do really care Stacey as we have been where you are ..... there were times I felt helpless and hopeless but with help and support from professionals I came through it, as you will. Just please hold on.

[Stacey19]

Thankyou

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Stacey

I’m so sorry you’re still having horrible thoughts and you’re on your own. Is there anyone you can ask to be with you?

If you feel really unsafe remember you can ring 999 or call your crisis team. Do you have a number for them?

Take care Stacey, we are thinking of you.

Ellie

[Stacey19]

Yeah I am spending the night with my friend soon. Yeah, I have the number for my crisis team. Thankyou

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Stacey19]

That's great to know Stacey, that you will be with a friend. Take care, we're all thinking of you. Ellie X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Take care Stacey .... you must be very tired after being in A & E all morning. I know it's not easy and a cry for help. I hope your CPN will support you tomorrow. If you need to talk during the night, you can speak to the Samaritans as I mentioned earlier, 116 123 or [e-mail] but we are here for now. I hope you manage to sleep later. Sending you a hug

[Stacey19]

Thankyou

[Hazello Volunteer]

Hi Stacey just another voice to say I'm thinking of you. I was ill in the days after my son's birth in 2016. I found that with the right medical help I was able to get well, and I know that the same will be true for you.

All the best,

Hazello

[Stacey19 in reply to Hazello]

Thankyou

[Sally_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Stacey19,

Just to say I’m thinking of you and you can get through this,

Stay safe,

We are all thinking of you,

Sally xx

[Teresa_K_S Volunteer]

Hi Stacey19

I've not said hello yet but have been thinking of you whilst others have been responding to your post.

Did you managed a bit of sleep last nite? I do hope so and I hope staying with your friend helps.

Do contact your CPN and dont think you are being a nuisance when you are so unwell. I hope you can continue to stay with your friend. If not, then can you ring someone else to stay with you? Its so reassuring to have someone with you when you are unwell and can make a big difference with distracting from voices and intrusive thoughts.

I hope you are able to get a bit more rest today.

Will be thinking of you and wishing you well

Teresa x

[Stacey19]

Just to say my network has been all day today but Ellie I will respond to your email later or tomorrow x

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Stacey

I’m so glad you had support yesterday. How are you doing today? I hope you have support around you. You’re going to come through this.

We are all thinking of you

Ellie

[Hidden]

Hello Stacey,

we are here for you and you are not on your own!

Sending you a virtual hug,

x