Juggling all the balls.

Hi Theo116, I’m sorry to read you are struggling and can relate very much to this post. It’s now two years ago since my postpartum psychosis and the difference now to a year ago is huge. I clearly remember feeling as you’ve described and everything felt so overwhelming and I did cry loads. I had to take so much care of myself and really Look at what I spent my time doing. I even found going into shops a big deal, I would feel so stressed and that I was exhausted just getting there. A year ago I was so afraid that I was always going to feel that way and I can tell you another year on I do feel recovered and happy, completely different to this time last year. I am very careful not to do too much and have to do my relaxation and of course sleep! I did go and see my gp a few times as it frightened me so much so if you are worried by your mood or thoughts definitely seek help. I hope you can take some comfort in my post, remind yourself of how far you have come since you first became unwell and you will feel better.

Hi theo116,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel everything's hard. I'm in a very similar situation at the moment. I had pp 19 months ago and the crisis team got involved yesterday as I've been having dark thoughts again. I keep thinking I'm going backwards, I think I should be able to handle things as I was discharged. I let the thoughts build and build and on the surface to people I was happy and healthy. But I felt like a bomb went off in my head yesterday and I couldn't keep it up no longer. I've been in a dark place lately and reading that you are in the same boat makes me feel that I'm not going crazy again. So thank you for that x

Hi Theo 116

I’m so sorry you’re struggling at the moment. It’s such a difficult process coming through PPP, I can completely relate to your post. Please reassure yourself that, it sounds like, if you’ve been discharged, the doctor must see improvements in your experiences, but I completely know what it’s like to be told ‘you’re doing really well!’ And inside feel very different. I found taking small steps really helped, even when I didn’t think anything was helping at all. I had periods when I wasn’t sure who to talk to too. It’s really good though that you say your husband is supportive, that’s brilliant, and hopefully there may be times when, amongst his busy-ness, you can maybe talk to him a bit about how things are for you.

It’s now just over 3 years since I had PPP and I really do feel myself. In some ways I feel differently to how I used to, but in a way that feels right. I definitely thought for a long time that i’d never get myself back. I have to be careful of energy levels, and of keeping myself ‘balanced’ and working on how to do that. I’m very, very conscious of my mental health, I think that’s part of the process of coming through PPP.

I had counselling last year and found that extremely helpful. I was on a waiting list from when I had the PPP episode. It took a while to come through, but was so useful. I wondered if you’d had anything like that? If you think it might help then do speak to your GP about it.

One thing I found in coming through PPP was coping with the times when you’re thinking ‘Ah, I feel so much better!’ And then something may throw you, remind you of PPP or bring back thoughts and thought processes that you had at the time. I’ve found Mindfulness really helpful for this and my counsellor talked about it in counselling quite a lot. I’ve found the times I need it feel hard times / or times when i’m v anxious. For me, it can help me get through those times to a place that feels a lot better, and that experience grows.

The above are just thoughts, you will find what helps you best, but please know that you are doing so much and so well, being a Mum and working through PPP, it’s such a lot, but you will get through this. Sending very best wishes to you, Jen X

Hi Milky Buttons,

I’m really sorry you are having a difficult time. I think looking back on the first year is particularly hard. You’ve done so well to get through it and though it sounds strange I think maybe, looking back, that the feeling of being different on the inside to the way you are on the outside is strangely all part of it, and though it doesn’t seem so now, it will get better.

I found the process of starting to feel more myself, looking back now, kind of went in stages. I think the first year I was trying to get through PP and just keep my head down and plough through stuff if you know what I mean. Then in the second year I found APP and it made such a massive difference to me. Half way through the second year I also started some counselling through my doctors that I’d been waiting for. I’d had psychotic episodes before having my daughter, as well as the PPP. It gave me strategies and tools for working with anxiety etc. and allowed me to talk through stuff. I think through this and working through it I kind of got into a different place.

I think everyone is different and processes stuff and goes through things in different ways and at different times. Please only take my experiences as just one instance, you will find things happen to you, and find things that work for you and help. Please know things will improve, and you will get better, Very best wishes to you, Jen X

Hello Theo116

I'm also sorry to hear that you're struggling at the moment and really pleased that you have found the replies helpful. It's very hard to cope with work and home life as well as recovering from PP.

I'm not sure whether you have seen the APP Insider Guides "Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis" and "Postpartum Psychosis : A Guide for Partners", the link being app-network.org/what-is-pp/... There's also a brilliant blog PP Soup at ppsoup.com with shared experiences and info which you might find reassuring.

It's not easy to put yourself first when there are so many demands on your time but you really should try to find time for yourself. I'm sorry you don't have any help from family. Apart from your husband, do you have friends to also support you? Crying now and again is like a stress release but if you are feeling low perhaps you could speak to your GP to consider helpful therapies?

Recovery from PP is different for all mums but it's important to take good care of yourself. I think you're amazing coping with everything. Welcome to this unique band of mothers ... we are all here to lean on. Sending you a hug. xx