Today is the day!

[raspberries]

So today is the day we've been leading up to, my partner has gone back to work after 5 months at home with us during my postpartum psychosis, which started following the birth of my daughter at the end of January 2014.

Its been a tough journey for all of us, ups and downs here and there and once the psychosis finished after 8ish weeks, I was left with terrible anxieties and depression which I found much harder to deal with. We have 3 children so it really shook my confidence feeling so overwhelmed this time and needing help from my partner as with our first two, I was fine and just got on with it whilst he was at work.

I used medication to get the anxieties under control short term, and then stopped it after 8 weeks and the anxieties haven't really returned, I get the odd pang but I can control it and 'decide' not to let it overwhelm me.

My care team couldn't all agree when my partner should go back to work until last week, so for 6 weeks l, we were just waiting for the ok from them. Having pp has taught me a lot about my self and my partner.

It has taught me I need to be more selfish sometimes and not martyr myself and say I'm fine when I'm not, that I need to take me time and ask for help instead of worrying people will say no, it has taught me to be more confident and more assertive in what I need, it has taught me that my partner is more capable than I realised and went from working 60 hours a week and barely involved in childcare to single handedly looking after 2 toddlers and a newborn whilst I was at my worst, it has taught me to be more honest, and now our relationship is the strongest its ever been.

There have been challenges, having to live in each others pockets for months was difficult, and did cause frustrations, tears and a few arguments, especially this last month when it felt we were just twiddling our thumbs waiting for the ok for my partner to return to work. Also, the older 2 have tried playing us off against one another and acting out because our parenting skills are quite different and for several months they got my partners relaxed and somewhat lacking in discipline approach, so this is going to take some time to 'repair'.

However, I'm sat here with my 3 babies right now, watching them play and feeling good about the fact its me and them most days now and looking forward to my partner coming home this afternoon because this 9 hours is the longest we've spent apart in months.

I'm glad I found this website, so much is unknown about PP even by the professionals themselves and no one had any answers/stories, it was only by chance when googling, that I came across this forum, and I'm glad I did. Thank you to anyone who has commented on any of my previous posts and has read this far.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello raspberries

Your post has given me goose bumps ... so moving to hear how you have overcome all the ups and downs of PP and the depression that followed. It must be such a relief and your partner must be so proud of you, as you should be of yourself.

I'm sure you will do well today, surrounded by the love of your children. You are very capable to care for them and the hours will probably fly by until your partner returns. I remember what an anxious time my first day alone was with my son but so rewarding for my confidence.

It's not selfish to take care of yourself ...... you are now at the helm of the mothership so you need time to relax and build up your energy. So make sure while the children are happily playing or your baby is sleeping that you relax on the sofa with a refreshing drink.

I agree, this is a great forum where there is no one to judge or offend. Thank you for sharing your journey and the happy ending.

Take good care of yourself.

[Naomi_at_app Volunteer]

Wow raspberries!

What a milestone today must feel for both you and your partner. Well done to both of you, you made it!! You write so eloquently about how your relationship has had to flex and adapt to new realities - it's wonderful to hear you say that despite the stresses and strains you have emerged as a couple stronger than you have ever been.

It's lovely to picture you watching your three little ones playing, and feeling secure and content. Just like every other mum I'm sure there will be days when you get to bedtime feeling thoroughly exhausted and think 'how am I going to do that all again tomorrow?'! It's really good to hear that you've recognised that you do need to take time for yourself and you can ask for help - keep reminding yourself if you feel you're getting frazzled or taking on too much. Balance of life as a mum is so important and so tricky!

Thanks so much for posting to update us, and I'm really glad we could be here as a source of support and to share those really important stories of our own experiences and recovery.

Great news! Naomi x

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi raspberries it was wonderful to read your post, and to hear of your recovery. you have been amazing. I'm so glad you found this forum and that it helped you so much.

It's been great to be on here and to walk your journey a little.

Take care

[kellbell]

So happy for you, well done

[BronSyd]

Well done. I'm so happy to hear that you've made it so far.

[raspberries]

Thank you for all your replies, my partner had 2 days off after the first day to check I was alright, and today he's back at work now for good, he's doing a 12 hour shift and I feel like superwoman! All the housework was done before 10am and the children and I have spent the morning shopping and at the park I finally feel like me again, its wonderful xx

[Strawberry55]

So pleased for you

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello raspberries,

So many more happy family days to look forward to. Don't forget superwoman needs to rest once in a while too.

Take good care of yourself.