So today is the day we've been leading up to, my partner has gone back to work after 5 months at home with us during my postpartum psychosis, which started following the birth of my daughter at the end of January 2014.
Its been a tough journey for all of us, ups and downs here and there and once the psychosis finished after 8ish weeks, I was left with terrible anxieties and depression which I found much harder to deal with. We have 3 children so it really shook my confidence feeling so overwhelmed this time and needing help from my partner as with our first two, I was fine and just got on with it whilst he was at work.
I used medication to get the anxieties under control short term, and then stopped it after 8 weeks and the anxieties haven't really returned, I get the odd pang but I can control it and 'decide' not to let it overwhelm me.
My care team couldn't all agree when my partner should go back to work until last week, so for 6 weeks l, we were just waiting for the ok from them. Having pp has taught me a lot about my self and my partner.
It has taught me I need to be more selfish sometimes and not martyr myself and say I'm fine when I'm not, that I need to take me time and ask for help instead of worrying people will say no, it has taught me to be more confident and more assertive in what I need, it has taught me that my partner is more capable than I realised and went from working 60 hours a week and barely involved in childcare to single handedly looking after 2 toddlers and a newborn whilst I was at my worst, it has taught me to be more honest, and now our relationship is the strongest its ever been.
There have been challenges, having to live in each others pockets for months was difficult, and did cause frustrations, tears and a few arguments, especially this last month when it felt we were just twiddling our thumbs waiting for the ok for my partner to return to work. Also, the older 2 have tried playing us off against one another and acting out because our parenting skills are quite different and for several months they got my partners relaxed and somewhat lacking in discipline approach, so this is going to take some time to 'repair'.
However, I'm sat here with my 3 babies right now, watching them play and feeling good about the fact its me and them most days now and looking forward to my partner coming home this afternoon because this 9 hours is the longest we've spent apart in months.
I'm glad I found this website, so much is unknown about PP even by the professionals themselves and no one had any answers/stories, it was only by chance when googling, that I came across this forum, and I'm glad I did. Thank you to anyone who has commented on any of my previous posts and has read this far.