Queen2ue

[Queen2ue]

Hi everyone.I am a 33 year old black lady from South Africa.I was diagnosed with PPS 2 months after the birth of my son.I had a horrible pregnancy and traumatic c-section at a public hospital which led to me to anger and stress down the road .To worsen it baby was colicky ..found pics of my hubby ''s lover wearing his teeshirt and cap on Instagram.further investigation proved it was his lover for a year and they have a child together. I almost lost my mind ...suicidal thoughts ..anger ..sadness ..worthlessness and complete anger for my baby .unfortunately in our tradition there is no such disease and i was stigmatized even by my husband who told people i was "crazy" or bewitched which led to him calling police for me .its a month later i am feeling better but i still am angry ..very low ..tired all the time and still have obsessive thoughts.Help !!😣

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Queen2ue,

Welcome to the forum and I am so sorry that you have had a horrid time of this cruel illness and also the other things which have happened to you. I had PP in 2009 and was lucky to be treated in a Mother & Baby Unit here in the UK and have good support in place. I wondered if you have seen the information on the APP website about PP and recovery? The illness can be really traumatic and it sounds like you are still suffering. Are you able to talk to any healthcare professionals or other understanding family and friends? PP is an illness and the stigma you describe must be awful for you. Maybe you can also show them this information?

app-network.org/what-is-pp/

app-network.org/what-is-pp/...

The "Insider Guides" have been written with the input of women and families who have "been there" and also world-leading experts in PP and perinatal mental health.

PP is a terrible time, all of us here have been there and come through it and I hope that this can offer you some comfort that you too can recover. We are hear to chat and listen and share our experiences, so please write again if it is helpful to you. Obsessions were a big part of my illness too and I know how debilitating they can be. I am sure you will get lots of other shared experiences here. You are not alone, we are all thinking of you and wishing you the very best,

Take care, xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

Hello Queen2ue

I'm so glad you found the forum as there will be lots of help and support here for you. It sounds like you have been through an awful experience. How terrible to be stigmatized. I had PP twice many years ago and there was a lot of stigma surrounding mental health at that time. I know what a frightening, lonely place it can be but with good professional care you will fully recover.

Have you considered asking to be referred for CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) where you will be able to talk about your thoughts and feelings with a professional who can put things into perspective? This therapy has been very helpful to some mums here. I'm sorry you're feeling low and tired all the time. Perhaps you can also ask your GP for support with this too?

Take care .... we are all here to lean on.

[Queen2ue in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

Hi Hannah .

I will definitely read about it and thank you for the support ..it really means a lot as i cant really talk about it to anyone here and am very disappointed in that most professionals especially blacks suggest i must be "strong " of which i am really failing to do .On the positive side i will read the thread u sent me maybe that might help !!😊

[BlueVelvet51]

Hi there and welcome to the forum. I was diagnosed with PP last Nov when my baby was 6 days old after having delusions. I too had a traumatic birth and serious sleep deprivation. I was lucky enough for my symptoms to be recognised and diagnosed and spent a month in a mother and baby unit. While I was truly unwell and not myself for 4 days it was utterly terrifying not knowing what was happening. The things that went on in my head seemed real and I could not separate reality to delusion. A very scary time as I was not aware of this illness.

I can only imagine how it must be for you,goingthrough it all alone and not having the support you need. Plus having to find out that terrible news when you had just had a baby together. I really feel for you. I hope you have friends and family that are close that can help and support and love you. Your son will also help you. My baby really helped to get me through the dog and focus on what was important and real. She was my little Angel throughout.

I hope this forum helps you as it has helped me and so many others. I hope too that it gives you the confidence to try and seek some support and advise and that it may give you the information you need to help others understand a little of what you're going through. My baby is nearly 7 months now and I still have flash backs of what I went through. It's like my brain is still trying to work it all out.

Take care and take it one step at a time. It's a long recovery process but we will get there.

[Queen2ue in reply to BlueVelvet51]

Hello and thank you ..

[Helen_84 Volunteer]

Hi Queen2ue,

So sorry that you are having such a hard time, recovering from PP alone is so difficult, with all the added stresses It must be very hard.

Was it a month ago that you experienced PP? It took me nearly a year before I could say I was near recovered, so you are doing really well to post on here - I know it is really hard when you are in the midst of it but it takes time. You will get there!

Having to deal with the lack of understanding in your community must be very hard to cope with, but you can count on everyone here to support you. It is a real illness, you WILL recover and you are not crazy! Have you been able to talk to health professionals about your situation? They might be able to direct you to other local support outside of your community which could help?

Keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. We are all here for you xxx

[Queen2ue in reply to Helen_84]

Hi Helen..thanks for the words of support.Yes its over a month now ..the worst symptoms are better now ..before i would see this woman's face everywhere..have vivid dreams of my husband having intercourse..My panic attacks were everyday every hour i got an intrusive thought and i was very obsessed about the affair details.I couldnt eat for days..just water and ddnt sleep ..and i felt very confused about everything. I was very angry -pure hatred for him and his family but all i was prescribed was sleeping pills since am breastfeeding. Since am not working am waiting for my his money to go to a psychiatrist monthed since public hospital take forever to give an appointment -still waiting even today!!Anyways am feeling much better..i have bonded well with my son ..anger is slowly subsiding ..obsession much less and confusion is gone but the nightmares of the affairs still exist - they torture me !!Good news is hubby is now very supportive and caring which is helping me in some way but refuses to talk about the disease much.

Thanks 😘

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Queen2ue

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience of PP, and also having to cope with your husband's affair too. It sounds like you have been through such a traumatic time. I am amazed what you have coped with, without having much support or understanding. It sounds awful. I found it hard enough and I had very good professional support and a really supportive partner, and parents too.

It's so good you have found us! It's good to hear that you are feeling better, what an amazing strong woman you are, and it's wonderful to hear you have a good bond with your son too. It does take time to recover, up and down, but you will do, just take each day at a time. You really are an inspiration, you should be proud of everything you have coped with, your courage and strength.

Take care,

Ellie

[Queen2ue in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Hi Ellie

I am amazed too..☺I think what helped me was googling my symptoms and the disease till 8 even came across Health Unlocked!!It was traumatic to say the least..What helped was also the family meeting i requested for both families and discuss hubby's affair and demand an apology.He did apologize infront of everyone but the real work had to begin -him being faithful and supportive .I know am not out of the woods yet but the maniac part us better.

And thank you all for being supportive ..it helps to talk to people who have been there too .My disappointment is i haven't found any support groups in South Africa,Johannesburg.

Much Love😘

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Queen2ue]

Hi Queen2ue

It's so great you found us, and well done for arranging a families meeting too, that sounds really demanding, how brave of you to do that! it's great it made a difference.

I've just tried to google about any support organisation in South Africa and couldn't find anything either. One group I did find for general perinatal mental health, my anti virus blocked it and said there was a virus on the site, so I won't recommend that.

I do hope you're able to find some local support, somehow. There will be mum's out there who have gone through similar to you but I know it's so hard to find them.

Take care,

Ellie

[Queen2ue]

Hello Ellie

Well sometimes you got to tap inside your inner "Queen" and yes i did demand the meeting !!😊Thank you for searching the net for me ..hopefully will find a support group someday. BUt I i am grateful I am part of this one already and hope all the mums pull through this illness.

Regard

Queen 2ue.