My son and his wife and baby have been having some good days, but today it all came crashing down! They're in Australia and I'm here trying to support by 'phone! My daughter in law said she like to have lunch at home with my son and the baby. Almost as soon as they got home she needed to go back to hospital and said she didn't think she could be a Mom. My son took her back, she just got out of the car and went in through the doors without a word or backward glance.
My son is now at home, on his own with their baby. He's distraught, scared and exhausted. We've been on the phone for an our while he fed and changed the baby and we chatted.
He said that his wife feels that she'll never be able to cope, that the baby isn't bonding with her but is bonding with my son. She's scared and so unsure of herself, and I know that's the illness as well as being a new Mum. She thinks that my son is coping fine, but he's not .... he's panicking about loosing his wife, about coping on his own, about the fact that sometimes he wishes they'd never decided to have a child, about the fact that he wants to turn the clock back. He understands that these are 'normal' new parent thoughts. What he doesn't know is, should he let his wife know how hard it is for him, at the moment he's trying to keep things upbeat and relaxed, when underneath he's in turmoil. He doesn't want to add to her worries. I keep thinking if she knew how hard it was for him too, she'd maybe not feel so useless and may even make her feel better? I don't know!
He's responding to her needs and the babies needs, but nobody seems to have noticed that his needs are being ignored.
I suggested that he asks his wife's parents to have their baby tonight, although this will be the second night and he's a bit anxious about that. I feel that he's just so tearful and anxious that he needs space and time to 'regroup'. I suggested he drops the baby off with them, gets a good meal, catches up with his chores (he's been worrying about all the washing that's accumulating etc.), relax and try to focus on a better day tomorrow.
Help!! Is that the right advice? I think he's having his worst day so far and I know we're only 3 weeks into this, so it's probably to be expected and very early days, it doesn't make me any less scared for them all.
I am trying to get a flight out there for Monday I am booked to go in 12th but today just feel I should be there now!
Any advice, gratefully received