Can't take it anymore.

[Ashley031]

I'm at the point that I just can't take it anymore. I feel awful and a terrible terrible person. These bad thoughts are awful and feel like an urge. It's like they are telling me to do these evil things? Does it mean I don't love my family? I need help

[Ashley031]

The only time I can rest is when I go to bed for the night. I do pray a lot. Some days are good and some are really bad. Did u recover from this?

[Ashley031]

I don't take any vitamins. I'm on 2 different kinds of antidepressants. I need to be on an antipsychotic medication so that these evil thoughts can go away. I do have support from family and friends and especially this support group. I want to get better. The way I feel is awful

[MichelleO in reply to Ashley031]

Latuda was a miracle medicine for me it calmed down the thoughts it's an anti depressant and antipsychotic I love it

[MichelleO in reply to MichelleO]

Also it sounds like OCD I had non stop thoughts everything was graphic and once I let them go so long it felt like an urge too because your mind keeps going and going try sayin thoughts are just thoughts the fact that your worrying about them is a good thing hope you get well soon

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Ashley,

I'm so sorry you're suffering so much. No these thoughts don't mean you don't love your family. It's the illness, not you. Please don't hesitate to contact your doctor and ask for help. Keep talking to us, we're all here for you.

J x

[Hidden]

Dear Ashley,

it is the illness, which creates those intrusive and often horrible thoughts. My first year after being diagnosed with PPP in 2010 was a complete blur. The medications will kick in eventually. Hope you have professionals around you.

My partner loves me very much, -I did not recognise him very often when I was hallucinating, he talked to me in good and bad times & just was there, being my full time carer once released from a psychiatric unit.

Only after my recovery did I realise how many people were involved and truly did care!

Sending you love, strengths and energy,

Sabine

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Ashley

I'm sorry your thoughts are weighing you down. What help has your therapist been able to give you? I think now's the time for your doctor to refer you to the psychologist for the right medication. If you're not strong enough, ask someone in your family to speak to the doctor on your behalf. I think with the right medication and treatment to learn coping strategies it might make a difference.

Stay safe and take care.

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Ashley031, This is the illness and you are not a bad person, you can recover from this. I was sure I had replied to your last message last night but it isn't showing here (apologies, I think I have had some technology issues). The reply was about the APP Recovery Guide, which I'm not sure if you have seen, here is the link: app-network.org/what-is-pp/... It has been written by others who have been through the illness and come out of the other side.

I know at times I felt like a terrible person, that things were somehow my fault. But it is the illness, and none of this is your fault. We are all here to listen, you are not alone. Take care, xx

[Ashley031]

Do these thoughts mean that I want to do this? These thoughts make me believe I want to do it even though I keep saying no. Why is it so hard for them to go away? Why can't it just go. I don't understand. It makes me not want to live

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Thinking of you Ashley031, I hope you have been able to rest and distract yourself from the thoughts. They are the illness talking and not really you. I hope that you can see a healthcare professional soon to get some more support. Stay safe and take care, xx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi jdj23 I've been reading your replies and just wanted to say it sounds like you are struggling too? Do you have support from some professionals and are you able to adjust meds too if you're not feeling well?

Are you suffering from postpartum psychosis after having a baby? This forum is for ladies who have a psychotic episode after the birth of their baby.

I hope youre able to get the support you need. I'd really encourage you to talk to your doctor about how you feel and get help, they will want to support you to get better.

Take care

Ellie

[Hidden]

Sending you my love! Thinking of you...x

[Ashley031]

Thank you everyone for responding. Can anyone tell me what kind of medicine they were on to help them get through these awful thoughts. I would like to ask my doctor about these meds. I know once I'm on the right mess I will get through this. Some days are so bad and it does feel like an urge and it scares me. I'm so scared. I do pray a lot by I have a lot of faith. I need you guys to talk to.

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Ashley031,

I took an anti-psychotic (Olanzapine) and also Lithium as a mood stabiliser. The health professionals involved in your care will be able to best advise you, and I know that the same medications do not work in the same way for everyone.

As with everything, it's a balance and getting the right input from your doctor will be really key. I hope you get good support and some answers soon. Take care, xx

[Ashley031 in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

Thank you for telling me. I'm just terrified of this illness and want it to just go away and be a bad memory

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Ashley031]

Hi Ashley031 I know I've replied on the other thread but I just wanted to let you know I was on Olanzapine, an anti psychotic, and an anti depressant, Escitilipram. However I was completely out of touch with reality, hugely psychotic, with strange beliefs and thoughts. I am not sure if this is your experience? As Hannah says you really need to be guided by medical professionals / psychiatrist about medication - be led by them but when you have an appointment try and tell them everything you're feeling, how bad, and how frequent so they can get a really accurate picture of everything you're going through.

Take care, and keep writing whenever you need to. X

[Ashley031 in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Hi Ellie,

What you have describe is how I feel. My thoughts are making me feel like I'm crazy. I don't understand any of this. My thoughts are hurting the people I love most. I would never want to hurt anyone especially my family. It's like voices. Please get back to me