Hi all been a while since my last post. Just wanted to update you all as i know from my last post there was some other mums to be. I just wanted to know your care plans and how you are in general
So im due 14th march 16 not long to go. Im starting to feel excited but obviously very anxious still. The plan so far is to have a professionals meeting in feb with everyone involved such as my family, care co ordinator, phychaitrist, midwifes, health visitors etc. To discuss what happens when baby is born and just generally talk and make sure everyone is on board and answer any questions anyone has. Its put my mind at ease as it makes it feel that there is some control in place. When i have the baby im hoping to stay in hospital up to 3 days and have a room to myself to get as much sleep as possible, im allowed to have someone stay with me. Even though a hospital is the least place to get rest i just feel better knowing that people will have a close eye on me. Im confident that my mum and partner know exactly what to look for this time, behaviour, mood, pressured speech etc.
Whilst this happens my two year old will be well looked after by family members. I will theb return home and recieve care from my care co ordinator that i have seen since being discharged from mother and baby unit first time round. I will admitt i have had a rollercoaster of mixed feelings and tearfulness. Ive had weekly sessions with a phycologist to get things of my chest which has helped. I have felt sad as my son has recently turned two and the day after boxing day is when i was first omitted to hospital. So this time teo years ago it all begun so to speak. And i always go through each step what would of been happening right now. Im not trying to punish myself but i just cant help remeber everything and go through it all in the detail by days and dates. I havent really brought alot for the baby i keep putting it off. I dont have any doubts of not bonding or anything. I just feel deflated and unable to be excited, i dont understand it really, perhaps my little boy turning two? Or hormones and just feeling upset of what happened before.
Im trying not to dwell on the past even though its hard. I still dont feel i have fully recovered from before. But i know the experience has made me a stronger person now even though i was a fragile mess once discharged. I think ive come a long way and being a new mum is a new challenge in itself let alone trying to recover from something traumatic and being mentally so unwell. Gaining weight and the worst for me being so so tired all the time from medication! I love being a mum, just hope i can stay well this time and enjoy my family and stay on track.