Anxiety & Irritabilty

[Paul1975]

In recent weeks I have found that I get easily irritated by my partner for no good reason. After suffering Anxiety and Depression for several months now Im assuming its a result of this constant mental strain. Has anybody else found this and if so how did you cope? I'm worried that this is putting our relationship under huge stress at the moment.

[hedgecrone]

I get this too, Paul and I feel so terribly guilty about it. I say things I don't mean and my husband is so supportive and understanding. I get really irritable and unpleasant. However, it's very important to talk about it openly at a time when you are feeling slightly calmer. Have you discussed it, and how your partner feels about your irritability? She needs to know that you are aware of it, don't like it and care that it is affecting her. Let her talk about how she feels. Anxiety and depression definitely have this effect - mine is part of a personality disorder, I suspect, though I am only now in the process of being assessed, but depression and anxiety by themselves can have the effects you describe. Tell her what you have said here; reassure her that you do care but it's very hard for you to show it at the moment, and that maybe some couple counselling might help you both cope better - you with your depression and anxiety and the guilt of affecting your partner (which I recognise so well!) and her with her helplessness at probably not knowing how to help, and maybe feelings of hurt and bewilderment. Try and have times when you hug and cuddle in between times, when you can reassure her that you love her and tell her how much her support and encouragement mean to you.

Have you been to a doctor about your anxiety and depression, by the way? Because it's worth mentioning your concerns to the GP too so they are aware of how you feel. They might be able to suggest some therapy or counselling for you both to help you through this rough patch. Good luck. x

[Mandy26]

Hi Paul. I was like this with my partner on a daily basis. I found I had days that I didn't want to be around him or talk to him and not because he'd done anything wrong, in fact he was being lovely, but I just couldn't stand it for some reason. I would snap at him, I would tell him to be quiet constantly and I would go out of my way to have my own space. I soon realised that what I was doing to him was horrible and he came to me upset about the way I was treating him and it really knocked our relationship to the point where we discussed if we should even be together.

I took a step out of the situation to see if I really wanted the relationship, and I did. I made big efforts to discuss his day, keep my calm if I was irritated by anything and I actually found the more I did this, the more I began to enjoy our relationship again. I took time to hug him again and bond with him.

It was actually a big effort at the time because I think I had gone so into myself with anxiety that doing anything felt mentally draining.

As I have read recently: 'Act how you want to feel' I hope everything goes OK. I'm not sure if the above is something you would be comfortable doing but Hedgecrone is right, maybe you should speak to her if you haven't already? Really figure out what you want, and if your partner is that, rewire your brain to be how you used to be.

xxx

[Paul1975]

Thanks for those comments guys, I spoke to my partner about it and it seems to have helped a little. For the last few months I have been trying to put my life back to normal, and hiding my problems from her and telling her I'm ok etc, when really I wasn't. We also decided that it was time to get some outside help and I'm going to see a therapist on Tuesday. I'm quite nervous about it though as I have never done anything like this in my life, I really don't know what to expect? Wish me luck!