I've never been one for relationships, especially at times when my anxiety was worse. I had a few in high school but, of course, they were just 'high school romances' (apart from one which ended in us realising we were more brother/sister than bf/gf- profile picture). My first main relationship was when I got into sixth form college; I always got nervous on the way to school hoping I didn't have an attack or do something embarrasing in front of him; my biggest fear was him thinking i was a freak. I was also fighting the idea of pushing him away from being to scared or too distant.
However, in the october, i decided to go to the halloween party to try and get out, within half an hour I had a massive panic attack and ran out- he found me near the toilets hyperventilating and held me so much it all went away. My initial fear of panicking in front of him went, he said he understood and would be there for me, whatever happened. Since then, i felt confident and fine around him, he got when I was in a bad way and helped me with so many things.
We sadly broke up a few months later but it made me realise that sometimes, having an attack in front of someone can be a good thing, it makes them realise what you're going through and it gives you an idea as to how supportive they're going to be. Sometimes a bad experience can give you insight.
'Success comes from good decisions. Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.'