i constantly feel like i’m in a rush for something, like i need to hurry up and do something before it’s too late, but i don’t know what...it’s like i feel like i need to hurry up and live my life before it’s too late,,it doesn’t help that i feel as if my life is cut short because i have high blood pressure, even though i’m treated for it sometimes my readings are still high. i’ve given up..i feel like i’m going crazy, why can’t i just be a normal teenager...At this point i’ve convinced myself that i’m gonna die in the next 10 years from a heart attack or stroke or some other horrible thing, so i guess that’s contributing to the feeling of me feeling in a rush. And i hate it because since we’re in a pandemic i can’t really do much anymore and i feel like i’m just wasting away my days...I’m afraid to grow up because i’m probably gonna die early cuz of high bp without having fully enjoyed my youth and the closer snd closer i get to adulthood, the more scared i become, i waste away my days dwelling on this thought and i don’t know how to not think like that, i hate my brain...i don’t want to get older because it always only gets worse..everything gets worse....i’m turning 19 this year and i’m terrified, i’m not excited like people usually would be, i’m not excited like i want to be....i just want to be normal why do i have suffer constantly..
sometimes it just makes me wanna give up and end it early...i’m tired of feeling like this, and my blood pressure and mental health are just gonna get worse as i age,,i don’t wanna live through that...
i just need to rant because i have absolutely no one to talk to about this so any form of advice or reassurance is welcome, i feel like i have no one...