Health anxiety, hard times.: My dad had a... - Anxiety Support

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Health anxiety, hard times.

Emest86 profile image
Emest86

My dad had a stroke last week. It was hell!! He had a big bleed and then had two seizures at the hospital and when I got there at 9oclock the dr took my family and I into a side room and told us that he wasn't going to survive. We were told that he would be waking up but to not expect him to be himself and couldn't give us a timeframe as to howling we had to say goodbye. The staff moved him onto a ward and we all sat around his bed talking to him even though he wasn't conscious we couldn't touch him because it was causing him pain and it was just horrific. Another specialist came around and woke him up, asked him a few questions and again we were taken into a side room. He started talking about medication going forward and how he'd have to quit smoking so I asked what he meant as we'd been told just a few hours ago that he wasn't going to survive and he replied I expect your father to walk out of here. Yes he's had a very big stroke and he has got a long hard road ahead of him but I am not worried. Hearing this we all cried again we laughed we got angry at nicotine we hugged and we went back to daddy. He was still unconscious but it was a different atmosphere now. We were still scared but we had hope. Over the days since he has improved and the dr is very pleased with his progress although we have all seen sides that we've never seen before. He was abusive to the nurses both verbally and physically, my dad has never lifted a hand at a woman before this. He thought he'd been put in prison and we still don't know what he thinks he'd done as the only illegal thing he's ever done is bring back 600 fags from a non European country.

Before the stroke daddy was my leaning post my gardener my shopper I just rang and he'd be there through every panic through the breakdown through it all and I know it's selfish but when they said he wasn't going to survive I wondered how I was going to survive. I have relied on him for so long now I didnt know how I'd manage but here's the thing I didn't have to manage before because I knew that daddy would be there and he would treat me like his princess and shield me as much as he could but now I have to manage I have to survive and I'm doing it. It has done me so much good to have my safety blanket ripped so harshly away. I'm taking my son to school and doing my mums housework. Today I got two busses to get to the hospital rather than just jumping in a taxi like I had been doing. I pushed my mum in a wheelchair in to shops so she could get out I took her to a cafe for lunch. I don't ever want to go through that day again even though I know that he will die one day I still don't ever want it to happen and I dearly wish that there could have been an easier way for me to be pushed in to having to manage because seeing my daddy the most wonderful man in the world in my eyes having to go through what must be the most frustrating and degrading thing possible is more than hard and I can only imagine how difficult it is for him he must be terrified I know that it has done me good. Hopefully I can really make him proud when he walks out that hospital. Big hugs 🤗

2 Replies

Hi Emest86, I'm sorry to hear about your dad's stroke but glad he has made quite a turn around. He must be a survivor as you are now. Sometimes it takes catastrophic events in our lives to make us realize that life is short and when given a second chance, we need to jump on that band wagon and go forward. All you have accomplished in this short time is amazing.

We can't depend on other people being our leaning post since life can change on a dime. Now is your time to find the strength within yourself. The rolls may be reversed when your dad gets out of the hospital and you will become his "leaning post". Everything you learned from him will now be your time to pay it forward. I wish your father well in his long recovery. I'm proud of you for taking that most important step forward and I'm sure your dad will be proud of his princess.

Take care of yourself as well. We are always here to support you. xx

Your father taught you well, just how well you are beginning to find out now. I hope he makes a good recovery, there is always improvement after stroke and I hope in his case it is sufficient that he can enjoy life once again.

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