Anxiety Support

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Progressive Anxiety? (POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING)

So I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD related Anxiety resulting from a bad crash I had. A car smashed into my bike travelling at 60mph, luckily I was able to walk away with minor injuries.

I am now getting panic attacks before venturing out the house or seeing someone etc.

Why is this happening, I literally like I said in my other post was emotionless and now little things are making me anxious. I have had so many more traumatic things happen in my life, just a TRIGGER WARNING here as the mention of suicide may cause triggers for some people. Unfortunately in my line of work I have been involved with 5 suicides (don't want to discuss the technicalities of my role but I had to stay with the body) and this effected me but as harsh as it sounds, after a day I was fine. I know I said this before but it just confuses me why I am reacting so badly to this.

If I was unfortunately enough to be involved with another suicide in my current state I would literally be crippled with anxiety.

Has anyone else experienced this with anxiety, it gradually progressing?

21 Replies

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Agora1

TheInjuredBiker, I hear you....I had to be strong in the medical field I choose. Never knowing what we would be responding to, life or death situations. You build this wall around you, you care but you don't let it affect you. Then one day, all those emotionalist feelings come crashing down. After all, we are human. Our psyche can take only so much. With anxiety, it looks for our defenses to be down and then takes over. You are not alone in feeling like this. There is many a good person who was taken down by PTSD, Anxiety & Depression. Hang in there, this is your time to take care of you.

TheInjuredBiker

in reply to Agora1

Thank you Agora1 You have my upmost respect. In my job I work around a lot of paramedics, ambulance crews etc and the work you guys do is amazing!

I guess you're right it is probably time to start taking care of myself. I always put it off if that makes sense, especially sleep wise. In my old job I used to do 19 hour shifts 5-6 days a week and my mentality then was, a couple cans of red bull will make it all fine. Now I work normal hours, still shift work but normal hours but that mentality has stayed with me.

Hidden

Hello again my, "wounded-biker". Wondering how long ago was that crash? I survived a tractor-trailer truck T-boning the side of my Mustang convertible in 2000. My injuries were serious, but my anxiety/panic attacks in situations you talk about, began months afterward when I was physically able to drive again. Won't go into details, but believe in some ways it was because I didn't have control over the accident . Think that my anxiety was my subconscious looking out for other situations that could harm me....situations where I might not have control.

Couldn't stay in a grocery store, for heaven's sake! etc.

TheInjuredBiker

in reply to Hidden

Hey Hidden! The mustang, what a gorgeous car!! Sorry for going off track, I am a petrol head haha!

That sounds horrific though but awfully similar to me. My injuries are all healed now.. well they want to check my stomach problems just to confirm its anxiety related and not injury related as the bars of my bike did smash into my stomach. Anywho like I say that does sound a hell of a lot like me! I wanted to get my hair cut, walked out the house and immediately felt the beginnings of a attack for me, heart start gradually getting faster, feeling like I can't breathe. Turned around, went back inside the house and stayed in there. Getting sick of it though now, been housebound for almost 2 months. Albeit 2 week of that was injury related but the rest was purely me not wanting/being able to.

Hidden

in reply to TheInjuredBiker

Ok, my Biker friend. Your accident and physical healing are rather recent. Hope your stomach turns out to be ok. (Holy cow, the handle bars hit it!)

Ok, last year was one of my worst...where I didn't want to leave the house.Period.

Lasted for weeks on end. Anxiety does not make me hyper ventilate or my heart race....it can be more in the form of hyper-activity, pacing and pacing and pacing around the house, not sleeping. Know it is not wise or safe to drive anywhere when this happens.

This month has been a good one.

But until recently, my PTSD dreams related to an emotionally physical ex-husband from a marriage that ended over 25 years go....

Our brains are such complicated organs....must have had some unfinished business in dealing with that marriage.

I do take meds for anxiety and depression and the nightmares. My neuro-psychiarist thinks we have found the "cocktail" of small doses of the meds taken at the right time of day.....and the nightmares are changing to less stressful dreams...

Am always aware what is effective at the moment, may not work in the future, and we'll need to try an adjustment.

TheInjuredBiker

in reply to Hidden

Wow, sorry to hear about you're horrible ex marriage and the subsequent nightmares from it. That must be horrible!

Yeah I'm still in early days so they're just trailing me on different drugs, currently its Amitriptyline Hydrochloride.

The thing that confuses me is my GP gave me a massive book on anxiety caused by PTSD and everywhere I look it says theres a trigger. Now maybe I am taking the term trigger wrong but I have been having attacks out of nowhere, sitting down listening to music, watching a film etc. Thats what confuses me.

I am glad to hear this month has been a good one and I hope it stays that way for you

Hidden

in reply to TheInjuredBiker

That "trigger" business is a puzzle to me too. Join the PTSD venue and read some of the posts and replies. I got off of it....could not make sense of it....seems like everything triggered some of the members of that venue. I can't put a finger on any "trigger" for me, although some people can.

I know not to have anything/anyone involving my ex to be in my life...anything to do with him I wrote off as a danger to me. Period. Duhhhh!

I don't watch any violent content movies at night. Duhhhhh.

I don't travel with my husband on cruise ships (involves his business) that are at sea for more than a week. (too many people constantly for too long a time).

But I do remember that my neuro-psychiatrist has taught me to remember in a store, dry cleaners, etc., that I can always leave and the doors are not locked (so I actually have control), and to practice how I want my nightmares to end, and practice how I want feel like in a store, etc. (Again taking back control).

Whew...I talk too much.But hope some of it encourages you....Really think you're going to be ok, once you learn how to deal with the PTSD and take some baby steps in functioning in spite of it. From your past posts, I'm beginning to thnk you are a police detective or fire-fighter. I admire you if so. You face all kinds of people in dangerous situations.

TheInjuredBiker

in reply to Hidden

Yeah the 'trigger' business baffles me as well. I kept trying to convince myself at the beginning stages that I don't have any triggers I don't have PTSD/Anxiety. Know I have been formally diagnosed I now and trying to accept the fact rather than reject the fact.

I am a massive horror fan, love my horror films!

Thats a good fact about the stores, you are in control. Like I (think) I said in a previous post I had a minor controllable attack in a shop while waiting in the line. No one else would have noticed but inside it felt like I was getting ready for a fight, if that makes sense.

Thank you very much and it really has encouraged me. It feels good that someone else has gone through the same thing. I don't mean that in a bad way its just I'm not alone and I can learn from someone else.

All I can say publicly about my role is parts of it are similar to a Police Officer but I thank you very much for your comments you really are a great contribute to this community.

Agora1

in reply to Hidden

I agree PTSDfor years, that loss of "control" plays a lot into our anxiety.

TheInjuredBiker

I should also add Hidden that the crash was almost 5 months ago, the anxiety started 2-3 months ago-ish and gradually progressed till it was really noticeable about a month back.

Hidden

in reply to TheInjuredBiker

Ok, for me 5 months ago is "fairly recent". My anxiety grew gradually worse like yours, and I am finally accepting I am one of the PSTD's that although I'm doing well, I may need to have some meds for the rest of my life to function well.

I didn't have anything wrong in my brain that could be found by medical equipment, but I test out that my frontal lobes aren't always "firing on all fours". Quick recall, memory issues pop up at the worst possible moment...which made it impossible for me to practice trial law anymore.

Or to hold down employment in other fields, because I don't know from one day to another, or one week to another, if I can control the PSTD.

I really believe you're going to be ok. I may have no control over the changes/minor damage to my brain. But if I had not that issue, I firmly believe I would be practicing law....because I still feel strongly that the best thing I did was to find a neuro-psychiatrist who was very familiar with the therapy techniques and meds used for returning PTSD military from the middle east who did not have any brain injury.

TheInjuredBiker

in reply to Hidden

Yeah it definitely is recent but its starting to concern me how disabling it has been for me, I'm not enjoying life and luckily my employer has been good and signed me off till I'm fit but at the end of the day the main purpose for a business is to make money and theres only so long that financially viable.

Im still unsure what tests they're going to do on me relating to my PTSD issues but hopefully like your case I can be paired with a good psychiatrist who understands my needs.

I just want to start 'living' again if that makes sense. My therapist assessment showed I have moderately high depression, which initially I disagreed with and it kinda threw me but it is depressing as like you said in your post I'm very similar, some days and unfortunately currently most days I can't control it but other days I can and I just feel I can't sort of plan anything as I don't know how I will be that day.

Hidden

in reply to TheInjuredBiker

Saw you tried to reply to a post I had in the PSTD venue. Since I decided it was doing more to confuse /complicate my situation, I had already ended my membership. So couldn't read your reply to a post I had that included a reference to my service dog and his congestive heart failure.

Wanted to let you know he walked 2 miles this morning, like every morning, went to a 3-hour university class this afternoon and then wanted to play!

He's been fed this evening and is chilling on his white towel next to me on the floor. He knows he gets his brushing after I shut off this laptop.

When we finished playing, I told Scooter (my dog), that I expect him to be with me until at least Thanksgiving 2018. That's our goal. To keep him healthy and comfortable until at least then. (I know that maybe terribly unrealistic.)

The reason?

well...

my husband informed today we are, in fall of 2018, if I feel I can manage it, we will be flying to Amsterdam and catch a cruise ship that will take us to Russia, Netherlands, Ireland, the Azores, Norway, Iceland, etc and travel the Atlantic back to our city of Tampa, Fl. (Three weeks of cruise ship...oh, my.)

This will not be a trip associated with business, it's on my husband's bucket list. To finance it, today he sold his prized NY Yankees baseball mural that has the baseball cards from the most famous players, managers and owners the Yankees ever had.

So, how can I say no or not have Scooter with us.?

(Scooter absolutely loves the ships and really helps me endure them.)

Have a better day tomorrow. I'm glad you're starting behavioral therapy. It retrains your brain to react differently than the way your emotions are handling life. Good night for now. 8:15 p.m. here.

TheInjuredBiker

in reply to Hidden

Scooter sounds like an amazing dog! I really hope he does stay with you till 2018. I unfortunately lost my dog almost 2 years ago, they really are part of the family, even more in your case.

That trip sounds absolutely incredible! I don't travel on ships a lot but I fly a lot and I am fortunate enough to get a generous discount of flight due to my profession. Been to all the places you listed except Russia and the Azores so if you want any advice for any places just give me a shout id be happy to help

I hope you and your husband enjoy it, by the sounds of it you both deserve it!

Hidden

in reply to TheInjuredBiker

Dear "Wounded" Biker,

Sorry to hear you lost your dog two years ago. Was one of bike equiped for him to ride with you? Have seen that a several occasions here.

How did today go? Please watch what you read on the PTSD venue....or watch with a grain of salt. I have a master's degree in the clinical therapy area and did clinical therapy work years ago. PSTD seems to be thrown about rather loosely sometime these days. (You appear to have the classic symptoms of it, though).

Thank you about your comments about Scooter. I'm keeping him walking his comfortable limit and he still runs like a rabbit. Rode with me across county and attended a NA meeting where I voluteer. When we arrived back home, he wanted to play, and I thought, Really?! (like,let me rest a minute.) He's been groomed and is chilling on his towel now. It's his coughing at nights when he drinks water that bothers me. No that will gradually get worse. Interesting that by focusing on keeping him busy and interested, it has helped me too. If I'm occupied, my anxiety isn't bad, and we're getting things done.

And I may be taking you up on your offer of interesting activities on at the ports of that 2018 cruise trip. I have the cities and dates of arrival. Problem with cruise ships for is that they don't stay more than a day at each port. For some people cruising is a life style. For me it's a transport to somewhere where I'd like to stay around for awhile.

In November we fly to Barcelona to reposition a ship back to Tampa, FL. I'll need to send you the ports of call near Spain before it heads for San Juan, Puerto Rico, then ends up in Tampa for the winter season.

Take it as easy as you are able, things will change, it's just going to take awhile

longer. But with the type of therapy you'll be getting, I believe you'll see some improvement sooner than you think. You seem to have the will power, desire, and intelligence to put it to actual use. Not everyone catches on to that concept of actually applying it.

TheInjuredBiker

in reply to Hidden

I wish! That would have been awesome! My bikes a sports bike so just big enough for me, although my cat sometimes thinks otherwise!

My day has luckily been attack free but I'm still in that constant unmotivated mood unfortunately

Yeah that seems to be the same over here. My GP was saying I had PTSD just one consultation in before I had even spoken to a therapist! When they said that it threw me but after reading about it online, like you say I have most of the symptoms.

Haha my dog was unpredictable, he was either like yours is now, having loads of energy or he's like I am currently. Laying down all day!!

I travel to Spain a lot! Im half English half Spanish so I visit a lot! I should be able to help you out a lot there, feel free to send me a message when you do start planning!

I really hope I do, like I said to you, I am always looking to learn from people who know more than me

Peacewithin1

Yes. I used to be emotionless... strong for other people too. Now the Mention of death, suicide, etc triggers my anxiety. I also couldn't stand the sound of sirens or drive alone. My Therapist said it may be because a close friend committed suicide in her car this past January. All of this came as a surprise as I was never an emotional person before.

Slammysammy

I can really relate to everyone on this thread. I grew up with a very bad crappy home life when i was younger, got married to a very very abusive husband for 3 years finally had the courage to leave. Everything was going good for a year or so then i got in a pretty bad car accident. The minute the accident happened my life changed. Had a minor anxiety attack after the accident, and not even a week later they just kept coming. Went on like that for a couple months till i saw a doctor who knew what was going on with me. That was 9 years ago and. I am diagnosed with ptsd and gad. And im so confused with that. I went through so much crap with my childhood and then my marriage. I would have thought that was when it should have started but no it starts after a car accident.

TheInjuredBiker

in reply to Slammysammy

Thats exactly how I feel. Although the accident was rather severe I did come off relatively unscathed and I have been through a hell of a lot worse!

Exactly as you said I have been through so much crap I as well would have thought if I was susceptible to getting anxiety I would have developed anxiety then.

Delzek

I have also dealt with suicides when I worked with the homeless, it's difficult to explain but although I felt for them, I genuinely felt they had gone to a better place. I worked in a nightshelter and a day centre that fed and clothed the homeless helping them get accommodation and jobs. Suicide does affect others ie the person who finds them their families and friends, I had to wait with the ones in the nightshelter until the police and coroner's van arrived ,it is definitely a horrible feeling but it does go away now and then you will think about them and wonder if therewas a way you could have stopped them or done more to help them, sadly there is Nothing you could have done as if they really want to go then they will.

I apologise if anyone thinks I am unfeeling, I care I used to work for free whilst between jobs.

Delzek

I should have said I also had a couple of bad crashes on my motorbike a few years ago smashed my knee badly on one I got told both times get back on the bike as soon as you can or you will end up scared to