It's getting worse..

[Breatthe-]

I've recently been away from my partner for a month and he's really the only Person who stabilises my emotions and my anxiety... And at the moment it's gotten really bad...

Since secondary school I've never been able to eat infront of people, at one point I was super depressed from a breakup and my girlfriend cheating on me, I couldn't eat at all, my body just wouldn't let me I felt sick, I physically and mentally couldn't eat. I can not confront people, I try get out of any social situation because it's too much for me to deal with and if I mess up I'll dwell on it and make a big deal and think about it at night. I can't sleep at night because I feel guilt for everything, fear of never being good enough and just being a failure and an embarrassment, I can't sleep because of the guilt of something that happened years ago, which I can't stop thinking about..

I used to self harm and I managed to stop... But urges of doing are coming back and it's really hard to cope with everything..

I can't even leave my room sometimes because I'm scared to talk to people

I wish I could talk to a professional but I can't talk my problems, I find it difficult saying everything and often just say I'm fine.. Because everything I've gone through in the end I was still alive so I'm fine..

But I'm really not right now... It goes in dips and i think I am bipolar from many things

I've been super stressed from family problems and me recently doing something that could have killed me and I've been having panic attacks during the nights, not being able to breath properly.. Crying

I've been diagnosed with anxiety depression, anemia and at one point bulimic..

I've done research because I was persuaded I have anger issues and am bipolar, I haven't been diagnosed but from the research and my behaviour I'm sure I am, and I know the internet isn't 100% accurate

Day to day I'm uneven and go in waves, sometimes I'm high and others I'm really low.. And this can change in a matter of minutes, or periods of time where I'm depressed and everything feels heavy, I don't have the desire to do anything and stay locked in my room for weeks

[Angep Star]

Hi sunshine, what a horrible time you've had and are still having!! If only you could try talk to someone!! There are people out there who can help you!! If you don't want to go to them ask if it's possible for them to come to you.give yourself a chance!! You deserve it. Somewhere deep inside you is the strength you need to talk about it. It is there because you're still here fighting through each day. And let me tell you that you are worth it!! What Evers happened to you to destroy your confidence you can get it back!! I know you probably feel broken!! And I know it will take some time for you to feel better. It's better to share that pain with someone who can help you talk through it and not keep it locked inside for it to come out by self harming yourself!! Don't google your symptoms!! Youl end up thinking you've got all sorts of things that you probably haven't. Leave that to the doctor to diagnose. Do you take iron tablets? Being anemic has a big impact on your emotions too🙏🏻

[Alun001 in reply to Angep]

Great re[ply from Angep. Would just like to add that you should never say your OK if your not. I was told that if you say OK and your not, your subconscious says - 'thats not true', 'thats not how I feel' and that creates confusion / conflict inside. Instead, just say your coping! That gives a reply to the person asking how you are, it also satisfies the subconscious who then says - yes thats how I feel. No inner confusion / conflict. Peace!